no one is listening

[runningspeedtrials]

hi everyone i'm a new member of ss. i really hope someone will read this i know it's long. sorry if i make any mistakes.
i have been feeling more low than usual the past couple months. last night i really broke down and i feel like there's nothing to say to anyone i know anymore. i felt like this was the place to go. i hope u guys welcome me im glad to be here and im also here for anyone.

my whole life ive been materially blessed. im apparently an attractive girl, i have a family who tries for me and whom i love despite the times they lash out at me bad, i have very close friends, i live in a beautiful city and i have the clothes and makeup i want and what not. i often feel i have no right to feel this way. it's like a game. it's so ridiculous. something great will happen and then it comes crashing down. but since my childhood i've had so many problems behind the part everyone sees of me. i always had mental health problems and mood swings. i went thru an extremely traumatic relationship a couple years ago and ever since i've been suffering. i was diagnosed with depression, anxiety, severe ocd, ptsd, and adhd. i also have constant mood swings and intense manic episodes. i've been thru treatment but not much helps. i'm not interested in ssris, i've just been in intensive therapy. the only accessible thing that genuinely helps me is music lol. i chase dopamine thru fun and i constantly feel emotions way too strongly. i am usually used as a toy by people. i dont feel like people genuinely care about me. my friends tend to do little things that make me feel like im being walked all over and boys don't treat me that great at all. i mean, i was abused by one badly.

i tried opening up to someone i cared about last night but i don't think my message got through and it left me feeling like a complete fool. i just care about people so so so much but they don't usually feel the same. i don't really get it. nothing makes sense to me. i'm so scared of life. i am a selfish girl and i want what i want. i can't come to terms with the fact that life doesn't work like that. that's why i think i should leave.

i don't know how to do it w out feeling guilty bc i know my parents will suffer having to plan a funeral and tell the rest of my family. i've already been told im a failure by my mother and so this would seal the deal that i am the ultimate failure of her life. it really sucks. i wish my friends would care if i died but i know it would pass them by. i know some of them would feel heavy about it but idk how much they'd really remember me. i just want someone to listen to me. i want to connect. i want to be loved and cared for.

i have a lot more to say but i feel foggy right now. i'm too exhausted to do anything. i feel so lost.

 

[L1feless]

welcome to SaSu

 

[popcorn1234]

It's easy to think you're selfish when society has the assumption that you have everything and you should be happy. The reality is far more complex than that.

 

[runningspeedtrials]

welcome to SaSu

thank u for welcoming me!!

It's easy to think you're selfish when society has the assumption that you have everything and you should be happy. The reality is far more complex than that.

i'm glad u understand what i mean. it's hard to come to terms w the fact that no one will understand unless they've been thru a similar experience.

 

[Redacted24]

I'm sorry you found your way here.
Everyone has the right to be listened to, to be heard. You deserve to have a voice, and to be able to use it.

I'm happy you found your way here.
This is a community. We all, each of us, have our struggles. But we're here for each other. And in my time here I've found so very much kindness and care and support - community members that listen and hear, that empathize and care.

Because we're in this together.

I came awhile ago looking for resources for a quick end, after a near impulsive poorly thought out go.

I've kept going in part because of this site, and the amazing people here. They helped me realize that I'm not alone with these feelings, that it's okay to feel like this.

I feel heard. And empowered to decide my path.

I hope you can find that here too.

We're here for you.

 

[sirensepiphany]

hi everyone i'm a new member of ss. i really hope someone will read this i know it's long. sorry if i make any mistakes.
i have been feeling more low than usual the past couple months. last night i really broke down and i feel like there's nothing to say to anyone i know anymore. i felt like this was the place to go. i hope u guys welcome me im glad to be here and im also here for anyone.

my whole life ive been materially blessed. im apparently an attractive girl, i have a family who tries for me and whom i love despite the times they lash out at me bad, i have very close friends, i live in a beautiful city and i have the clothes and makeup i want and what not. i often feel i have no right to feel this way. it's like a game. it's so ridiculous. something great will happen and then it comes crashing down. but since my childhood i've had so many problems behind the part everyone sees of me. i always had mental health problems and mood swings. i went thru an extremely traumatic relationship a couple years ago and ever since i've been suffering. i was diagnosed with depression, anxiety, severe ocd, ptsd, and adhd. i also have constant mood swings and intense manic episodes. i've been thru treatment but not much helps. i'm not interested in ssris, i've just been in intensive therapy. the only accessible thing that genuinely helps me is music lol. i chase dopamine thru fun and i constantly feel emotions way too strongly. i am usually used as a toy by people. i dont feel like people genuinely care about me. my friends tend to do little things that make me feel like im being walked all over and boys don't treat me that great at all. i mean, i was abused by one badly.

i tried opening up to someone i cared about last night but i don't think my message got through and it left me feeling like a complete idiot. i just care about people so so so much but they don't usually feel the same. i don't really get it. nothing makes sense to me. i'm so scared of life. i am a selfish girl and i want what i want. i can't come to terms with the fact that life doesn't work like that. that's why i think i should leave.

i don't know how to do it w out feeling guilty bc i know my parents will suffer having to plan a funeral and tell the rest of my family. i've already been told im a failure by my mother and so this would seal the deal that i am the ultimate failure of her life. it really sucks. i wish my friends would care if i died but i know it would pass them by. i know some of them would feel heavy about it but idk how much they'd really remember me. i just want someone to listen to me. i want to connect. i want to be loved and cared for.

i have a lot more to say but i feel foggy right now. i'm too exhausted to do anything. i feel so lost.

welcome to sasu,
im sorry for how much youve been through, as someone who thinks sorries dont really mean anything, i apologize as the ones who have wronged you will. you deserve a sorry for what you've been through, both mentally and physically. as a fellow girl who has been through bad relationships with men, i understand how traumatic that must've been. you are not a failure, you are a human going through human things, and its not as pretty as some people may say it is. i believe in you, and that whatever path you take, you live the rest of your life knowing you made the right choice. <3