Help No one hears me out

[SpiderLink]

I keep on getting told on ways to cope, instead of heal. I'm saying I want to heal, and coping doesn't do so! My voice never seems to be heard, everyone around me shuts down how I feel and invalidates me. And because (probably) of my disability's/disorders that I must be completely stupid and not think this logical. I've never felt more logical in my life! I also suck at communicating and alexithymia makes it harder to communicate how I feel, so I doubt myself whenever I communicate and sometimes I can't even tell the difference between certain emotions or feelings, often feelings and emotions r the same to me. And sometimes I don't even know how I feel. And then on top of that, I highly think I have BPD (inwardly) but I'm scared to try and get a diagnosis whenever people shut me down for how I'm feeling or whatever, I just have no one in my bubble and it's like "your not alone" but I'm actually alone in this, it never feels like anyone try's to work with me, more so against me, and because I'm depressed people think I'm not logical about life. Then my doctor tells me, to talk about what I'm doing about it instead of how I feel about it, where the fuck is that supposed to get me? Im messed up but I'm logical, I hate being so broken. No one sits there and listens, validates me, and I'm straight up telling people but they still do it. I thought by receiving help things would get better but they've gotten worse, and hope hurts more than giving up. Then I'm being told I have to change my thinking, why didn't I think of that? I wish I could tell my 15 year old self that things truly don't get better and it's best to kill yourself now and instead of dealing with more pain later on. But I plan on killing myself at the end of June, but my doctor will probably put me in the hospital, but I'll just die after I get out lol, unless I somehow recover or heal a bit then I'll keep going. So ya, people r telling me to cope instead of heal, I want to heal, not cope, cope to me is running away and feeling temporary relief, I want to feel permeant relief but my needs r never meet and because I'm "young" that my feelings, thoughts, emotions or whatever isn't valid because I haven't experienced life yet. People r full of shit, and I'm not mad at them, I'm mad my myself more than anything.

 

[insaneinthemembrane]

I understand, the whole "you're not alone" line is almost insulting to hear. False hope overall is just defeating. Experiencing this pain for years and being told it'll resolve eventually when practically, we can tell it won't is just torture. I don't understand why people almost follow a script with these things.

 

[SpiderLink]

I understand, the whole "you're not alone" line is almost insulting to hear. False hope overall is just defeating. Experiencing this pain for years and being told it'll resolve eventually when practically, we can tell it won't is just torture. I don't understand why people almost follow a script with these things.

Yeah, I agree

 

[FuneralCry]

I think it's best to just not open up to other people at all about your suffering as it will just make existing worse, humans certainly are so incredibly insensitive which is just the unfortunate reality of existing here, most people won't even try to understand.

 

[SpiderLink]

I think it's best to just not open up to other people at all about your suffering as it will just make existing worse, humans certainly are so incredibly insensitive which is just the unfortunate reality of existing here, most people won't even try to understand.

Yeah, it's just that desperate part of me wanting to just get someone to listen and understand. I crave for it, even tho I know I'll probably not get it, I keep on trying tho, but trying is making me want to die more.