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why the fuck should I find someone if I hate life and I'm a coward depressed idiot?
I mean, it is totally expected for the opposite sex to get the fuck away for me, I would never blame them.
I don't deserve a woman. I deserve a bullet in the head. I sincerely think that.
Love hurts. Trust me, you're not missing out on anything except for more pain. I'll keep it simple and straight to the point just like that.
EDIT: Ykw ill go into more detail. Yeah theres the high of it all, when you find that person for you and you feel like you're on top of the world but then...the lows come and when the lows come they hit you hard. They hit you so hard in your chest that it leaves you wondering scientifically how its even possible for something that was once so beautiful to be able to wreck your heart in that way. To cave your chest in and make it so hard to breathe. How can one human being have this effect on such a vital organ? Love is the most wonderful thing in the world until it isnt.... Its so cruel too, god its so fucking cruel. It gives you hope, hope that theres atleast something out there for you then when its gone, you feel so fucking stupid for even imagining for just a second that existing was worthwhile. That you were worth something. That you felt something important. Sorry I'm rambling, the point is...be happy that you haven't yet experienced love because when it leaves, and it always leaves eventually, you'll be more broken than you are now.
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AmberianDawn, divinemistress36 and nothingtodoh3r3
I get where you're coming from. But here is the thing (and I learned this the hard way)...a relationship is two-sided. Before you put yourself out there, or even consider putting yourself out there, you have to be close to the best version of yourself that you can possibly be. Both people in the relationship have to be. Otherwise, it will be torture for you both. Don't bind into a relationship simply for the sake of not being lonely. Being alone is better than entering into a relationship that eventually becomes stale and stressful. Believe me.
This doesn't sit well with me. Say you are both ok and then later down the line something medical happens. So now 1 person isn't what they were and are going to bring "stress".
This is the problem nowadays. Something out of your control happens and the other person just quits and onto the next one. It happened to me becuase of financial/medical.
I really despise everyone because of it now. 4 years down the drain. And no I'm not the man whore type (I don't want diseases and I'm autistic). That was my first relationship.
That is exactly why both parties need to be in the best possible personal situation before. That way if something happens during, like you mentioned, you're better equipped to deal with it. It's the sad truth, but it's the truth. I know the books romanticize otherwise, but it just isn't practical in the real world.
Does anyone feel as if they will never find someone that will love them for who they truly are, like I wouldn't consider myself as ugly but also wouldn't consider myself as good looking like 5 or 6 out of 10. I see people in my age range manage to find partners so easily and get that connection so easily but for me it's impossible I have 0 confidence in talking to women and I feel like I'll just die lonely. I just want that kind of relationship where love is evident but instead I just keep my head down and walk along.Also this thread isn't aimed at hating the opposite gender just curious of what people feel on finding a partner
I've had girlfriends, relationships and flings consistently from the age of 15. I think it's a case of the grass being greener on the other side, relationships might look fun from the outside, but you don't see the fights, arguments, cheating, heartbreak that comes with it, which to me at times had not been worth it and put me in a real dark place. It'll happen and you'll run into someone when you least expect it, but I would count being single as a part blessing, the grass is not always greener...
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nothingtodoh3r3
derpyderpins
Pollyanna, loon, believer in love, believer in you
I call shenanigans. I absolutely was not my "best self" when I started my current relationship. I'd just had my heart ripped out a month prior by a woman who completely took advantage of my feelings. I was a mess.
That is exactly why both parties need to be in the best possible personal situation before. That way if something happens during, like you mentioned, you're better equipped to deal with it. It's the sad truth, but it's the truth. I know the books romanticize otherwise, but it just isn't practical in the real world.
But the things I mentioned aren't personal. How is medical personal when you didn't do anything to get the issue? How is financial personal when governments were killing off businesses deliberately during covid? Nothing to do with romance. It's to do with just living and trying to get by.
I call shenanigans. I absolutely was not my "best self" when I started my current relationship. I'd just had my heart ripped out a month prior by a woman who completely took advantage of my feelings. I was a mess.
It certainly does seem like the vast majority of people in relationships are actually in a bad place when they start and just try to talk down to the people who aren't in one.
But the things I mentioned aren't personal. How is medical personal when you didn't do anything to get the issue? How is financial personal when governments were killing off businesses deliberately during covid? Nothing to do with romance. It's to do with just living and trying to get by.
Again, the key word is "BEFORE". To be best equipped to deal with what happens "down the line". "Trying to get by" is exponentially worse when there is a relationship involved. But everyone is more than welcome to learn this the hard way.
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divinemistress36, nothingtodoh3r3 and losing hope
derpyderpins
Pollyanna, loon, believer in love, believer in you
It certainly does seem like the vast majority of people in relationships are actually in a bad place when they start and just try to talk down to the people who aren't in one.
Well I hope I'm not talking down to you . I think as long as you realize you are struggling and don't impose/lean on the other person there's no reason you can't start dating. People also seem to act like going on a first date means you have to get hitched and have kids. You might go on one date and there might not be a second with that person. I wouldn't say no to a first date just because I wasn't at my absolute best.
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nothingtodoh3r3, Whale_bones and Dr Iron Arc
I haven't had a serious relationship, a long term one where she seems to like or love me for who I am. Only a couple of short term, fleeting ones, out of pity or something else.
I've never experienced something meaningful, and at this point I think I never will. I still yearn for it, don't care what others say about it. But every year it gets harder to live on that. That's one of my main reasons for ctb.
I get where you're coming from. But here is the thing (and I learned this the hard way)...a relationship is two-sided. Before you put yourself out there, or even consider putting yourself out there, you have to be close to the best version of yourself that you can possibly be. Both people in the relationship have to be. Otherwise, it will be torture for you both. Don't bind into a relationship simply for the sake of not being lonely. Being alone is better than entering into a relationship that eventually becomes stale and stressful. Believe me.
I used to preach this until I found my soulmate on this site. We've been talking and supporting each other for maybe a year. Although we haven't met just streaming. I was definitely not expecting that in a billion years, and changed my perspective, but we're both still suicidal and have come to terms that the one of us or the other will CTB independently or take a lover's suicide leap.
So to OP, maybe stick around here and in the chat rooms and you'll definitely meet someone, but don't have standards or high expectations, it's a painfuly cold environment. But Love knows no bounds, and apparently it can find you in the worst condition when you've long abandoned all hope and long stopped looking. I used to repudiate these cliches and antics but I guess it's true there's always someone for you or everyone. I guess it's just a matter of persistence and putting in the effort in being present, and luck.
Reactions:
divinemistress36, nothingtodoh3r3 and Dr Iron Arc
Does anyone feel as if they will never find someone that will love them for who they truly are, like I wouldn't consider myself as ugly but also wouldn't consider myself as good looking like 5 or 6 out of 10. I see people in my age range manage to find partners so easily and get that connection so easily but for me it's impossible I have 0 confidence in talking to women and I feel like I'll just die lonely. I just want that kind of relationship where love is evident but instead I just keep my head down and walk along.Also this thread isn't aimed at hating the opposite gender just curious of what people feel on finding a partner
I know people who didn't find a partner until they were in ther 40s. Just keep looking. But you do need to make some effort yourself. If you don't talk to people, the ods are that they won't talk to you.
I used to preach this until I found my soulmate on this site. We've been talking and supporting each other for maybe a year. Although we haven't met just streaming. I was definitely not expecting that in a billion years, and changed my perspective, but we're both still suicidal and have come to terms that the one of us or the other will CTB independently or take a lover's suicide leap.
So to OP, maybe stick around here and in the chat rooms and you'll definitely meet someone, but don't have standards or high expectations, it's a painfuly cold environment. But Love knows no bounds, and apparently it can find you in the worst condition when you've long abandoned all hope and long stopped looking. I used to repudiate these cliches and antics but I guess it's true there's always someone for you or everyone. I guess it's just a matter of persistence and putting in the effort in being present, and luck.
The bigger cliche is that "love knows no bounds." Or that "love will get you through anything". I'm glad that the odds happened to not work against you in your case. Despite you both choosing to CTB together and not trying to help each other escape ideation in order to spend more time on this earth together. But in most cases, once the reality starts setting in, things change. The honeyoon phase ends. I'm not saying in all cases. I'm just admonishing everyone to consider the probabilities.
You can be ugly or a good looking guy, getting a woman for life is difficult nowadays anyway, or do you want a woman just for your good look or your money? It goes away as quickly as it comes.
The needs that made couples stay together in the past have changed now, most men will only find a temporary woman, they will leave when difficulties knock on the door for most men.
I won't be writing what caused this change but we men have to accept and adapt.
I used to preach this until I found my soulmate on this site. We've been talking and supporting each other for maybe a year. Although we haven't met just streaming. I was definitely not expecting that in a billion years, and changed my perspective, but we're both still suicidal and have come to terms that the one of us or the other will CTB independently or take a lover's suicide leap.
So to OP, maybe stick around here and in the chat rooms and you'll definitely meet someone, but don't have standards or high expectations, it's a painfuly cold environment. But Love knows no bounds, and apparently it can find you in the worst condition when you've long abandoned all hope and long stopped looking. I used to repudiate these cliches and antics but I guess it's true there's always someone for you or everyone. I guess it's just a matter of persistence and putting in the effort in being present, and luck.
I'm really happy to here you found someone here that deeply cares about you, but I really doubt that I could do the same I just don't have that kind of personality for that
Love hurts. Trust me, you're not missing out on anything except for more pain. I'll keep it simple and straight to the point just like that.
EDIT: Ykw ill go into more detail. Yeah theres the high of it all, when you find that person for you and you feel like you're on top of the world but then...the lows come and when the lows come they hit you hard. They hit you so hard in your chest that it leaves you wondering scientifically how its even possible for something that was once so beautiful to be able to wreck your heart in that way. To cave your chest in and make it so hard to breathe. How can one human being have this effect on such a vital organ? Love is the most wonderful thing in the world until it isnt.... Its so cruel too, god its so fucking cruel. It gives you hope, hope that theres atleast something out there for you then when its gone, you feel so fucking stupid for even imagining for just a second that existing was worthwhile. That you were worth something. That you felt something important. Sorry I'm rambling, the point is...be happy that you haven't yet experienced love because when it leaves, and it always leaves eventually, you'll be more broken than you are now.
My intuition always told me that "Some people are simply destined to die alone." I tried so hard to confront this. I wanted to be wrong, badly. But after trying everything and failing at everything, I gave up. I've been broken by an event that happened wednesday this week, it was the straw that broke the camel's back for me. I hear people saying that relationships don't fix your problems. I beg to disagree. It may not fix everything, but for some people, it may fix some things. I know for a fact that I would not be as miserable as I am now, seeing everyone around me succeeding easily, and quickly, in finding love, if I found at least ONE person I could love and be loved back. Heck, at this point I'd be satisfied with just a little bit of affection, even if short termed, anything but this invisibility I am stuck with.
There is no such thing as love, it is an illusion that destroys your soul until it breaks you into a thousand pieces. Too much experience already. I'm out. I will walk alone, I will die alone, anyway I was always alone
I am probably the only person who thinks this site needs a romance board.
Seriously, I think y'all are perfect candidates for falling hopelessly in love, and hey, what have you got to lose, right?
Yes, you need to work on yourself too, but for many of us it's easier to love someone else than ourselves, so I really do believe even the crazy mixed up relationships people like us might find can ultimately be more supportive than otherwise.
It's absolutely a ridiculous gamble, but as long as we're here, I don't see anything else that's more worth gambling on.
I know the search is hard. It can be even harder when you find someone. Your heart is probably going to be broken. But it's worth it just for a glimpse of love.
It's real. It's worth trying to find. And hold onto it with all you've got when you find it.
I used to spend thousands of dollars on hookers to imitate feelings. I never understood how to communicate with people normally. People usually talk about relationships like it's a no big deal, but it's completely foreign concept to me.
It's probably the cause of my long last depression, and I don't believe there is a way to escape it. Even if miraculously someone will like me, I have no idea what to do with it and I'll just ghost her.
Reading this thread has reaffirmed my choice to ctb because of everyone chiming in about how horrible relationships are. I had a tiny spark of hope that I could have a healthy one, but it's gone now which is good because that helps me follow through on ctb. :)
Reading this thread has reaffirmed my choice to ctb because of everyone chiming in about how horrible relationships are. I had a tiny spark of hope that I could have a healthy one, but it's gone now which is good because that helps me follow through on ctb. :)
I had the reverse development. I never looked for a relationship because I knew I wanted to die and didn't feel like I could be fully honest with anyone.
i remember downloading tinder and getting decent matches. but inevitably i was unable to talk to a single one, simply out of fear. i still regret not talking to one girl in particular.
i am very confident that i don't share any interests with girls. the ones that do are living in some far-off microcosm of the internet which i will never be able to access; and even if i were able to, my interests lie in a kind of purgatorial gray area in which i know enough to be considered a loser yet know too little to connect to someone purely based on a niche. maybe i don't have strong enough libido to actively pursue anything sexual. i never really cared about that to begin with.
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