Story No Longer Will I Cry Wolf

[Unattainable666]

Well, here I am again. Only this time is different. I've lost all hope, not even a sliver left. I've learned a valuable lesson but it's too late to turn back the clock. I can only move forward. A few of you may have read my previous posts and I appreciate that. I don't really post for it to be read. I post to get things off my chest, to vent. So here goes. I'm 62 , single, female. No family, no friends. I moved 1600 miles to what I thought would be a perfect job (or so I was told). It turned out to be a nightmare. I can't find another job, I have no money, my bills can't be paid, I'm a burden on society. My mental health has deteriorated since I moved here. I can honestly say that I regret moving. It was a huge mistake that will cost me my life. There are so many other reasons for me to ctb, too many to mention here, but this was the catalyst, the thing that pushed me over the edge. I'll be leaving soon. My method (please dont ask me what it is) is quick, painless and there will be no time for SI. Somehow I feel I deserve this punishment (because I did want to keep going even though it was a struggle) I deserve to die. So I just wanted to thank the people who I've met on this site who have been so kind to me, who have helped me. Big shout out to the mods for all their tireless work to keep this site going. I wish my life had turned out differently, but I was set up for failure from childhood. So, thanks for listening and take care of yourselves.

 

[Captive_Mind515]

Sorry things haven't gone your way. I hope you find peace!

 

[The Schizoid]

I'll assume it's gun death. I don't know if you have any mental or physical health problems, but it sounds like you're going to CTB because your life simply sucks right now. It doesn't sound absolutely hopeless though, but there may be things that you're going through that I am not aware of.

62 is a decent age to die I suppose, it's an age before you really starting suffering old age.

If you do CTB I hope it's quick and painless.

 

[Unattainable666]

I'll assume it's gun death. I don't know if you have any mental or physical health problems, but it sounds like you're going to CTB because your life simply sucks right now. It doesn't sound absolutely hopeless though, but there may be things that you're going through that I am not aware of.

62 is a decent age to die I suppose, it's an age before you really starting suffering old age.

If you do CTB I hope it's quick and painless.

No, its not by gun. I would have too much SI for that.

 

[The Schizoid]

No, its not by gun. I would have too much SI for that.

If it's not assisted suicide, gun or train, then I highly doubt it's instant.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm a burden on society.

That's pretty much subjective! Idk about the possibilities and options for welfare where you live but - and you mentioned your age - you certainly contributed to the "system" and to others welfare throughout your life and that's why you deserve it, too! It's different question whether you'd be happy on welfare or not.

Somehow I feel I deserve this punishment (because I did want to keep going even though it was a struggle) I deserve to die.

You do not deserve punishment in any way for the efforts you made to improve your life. That needs a lot of courage and energy to try it!! I admire you for having tried it! I don't even try.

 

[rozeske]

You are one of the kindest users around here that show empathy and give helpful words of wisdom. Am sorry to hear things aren't going the way you hoped them to. You are admirable and quite strong for having fought as much as you did for the type of life you want. Am half your age when the exhaustion of fighting pushed me here. I hope things go your way and you find your peace wherever your decision leads you

 

[heisenberg]

i'm sorry you've been so let down by life. i hope you're able to find the peace you deserve, good luck on your journey.

 

[untothedepths]

That's such a bad situation to be in. I don't know you personally but I'm so sorry you have to go through that bullshit.

 

[Unhumanly.]

Sorry, I hope for everything went smoothly and you will find peace

 

[Unattainable666]

If it's not assisted suicide, gun or train, then I highly doubt it's instant.

I'd rather not say my method

 

[The Schizoid]

I'd rather not say my method

Ok bye

 

[Forever Sleep]

That's pretty much subjective! Idk about the possibilities and options for welfare where you live but - and you mentioned your age - you certainly contributed to the "system" and to others welfare throughout your life and that's why you deserve it, too! It's different question whether you'd be happy on welfare or not.


You do not deserve punishment in any way for the efforts you made to improve your life. That needs a lot of courage and energy to try it!! I admire you for having tried it! I don't even try.

Completely agree with @Praestat_Mori - it sounds like you've given more than enough to society for society to start looking after you. The really sad thing though- is it may well not. Unless you push for it (and not even always then,) people who don't push to claim help likely won't be bothered about.

It breaks my heart because it's obvious that you are a very caring person and you've given so much to life and other people. It's so shit you haven't received the same back.

I'd also say- you don't deserve punishment at all. Your suicide shouldn't be some (un)deserved punishment, although, I can't blame you if you also see it as a happy release. I think most of us do.

I've said it before but, I will selfishly miss you if you go. But, I mean that as a compliment. I think you're such a caring member of this forum. But, like everyone else here, I don't think anyone deserves to go on suffering and if suicide seems like the only way out now, I can only hope that you find peace.

I've always loved your profile picture by the way. I have always had a soft spot for Vincent van Gogh. So, I will paraphrase from that beautiful song about him:

'For they could not love you
But still your love was true
And when no hope was left inside
On that starry, starry night

You took your life as lovers often do
But I could have told you, (Unattainable666)
This world was never meant for one
As beautiful as you'

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

You are a very kind person, who has put in loads of efforts in an attempt to change your life for the better. That is adorable. Especially at your age, after you have spent years working so hard, you deserve a rest from all that and a reprieve from abusive workplace environments that are further draining and weighing you down. Like others said, it is time that someone takes care of YOU instead of you being forced to serve others for no appreciation. No matter what happens in the end, you are a valued member here and you deserve far better than the bad hands you've been dealt insofar.

 

[SVEN]

I'm very sorry things have worked out like this for you. Every good wish for finding rest and peace. Go well.

 

[Olisop21.]

I'm sorry things are so bad for you now. If you CTB, I wish you peace.
If you have a foolproof method, I'd be more than grateful. My plan is partial hanging with night night method. My SI is keeping me from doing it.