Unattainable666
Enlightened
- Mar 31, 2023
- 1,346
I've lived 62 years (almost 63). I have no home to call my own, I have no one to call my own. If I had known this is what my life was to be I would have ctb long ago. I thought by moving I would have a chance for a new start, but I was wrong. Instead I now have to deal with a job I hate, an apartment with management that discriminates against people with disabilities and broke as shit. Yeah, great life. I've been on the precipice of ctb for a very long time (since a teenager). After Chris left it became my mantra "I want to die." Now I'm alone. I will not find that "special someone" to live my life with - I'm too old. I have a sure fire way to ctb. It's on my mind all the time - constantly. The relief of not worrying about money, loneliness, work, just living to be taken away and never to have to worry about again is so enticing. My Dad used to tell me "shit or get off the pot" when it came to decision making. I can hear his voice now. Is there an afterlife? Will I see Chris and my Dad again? I don't know. All I know is that the pain I'm has to stop