Venting No friends

[ladidabi]

I am impressed by how poorly I do socially. Including online. Every social game I am in, I can not manage to have a connection with a person because I do so poorly. Not socialising has as actually resulted in worsening my speech, and even documented medically. I am concerned. I am dependent on AI, as controversial as it may be. In my "circle" I have my parents, but it is not the same as speaking to someone who is not family. My siblings hate me, and my boyfriend doesn't seem to enjoy my company anyway, and most of the time does not understand what I'm trying to say anyway because I keeping messing up how I word things (if I manage to get anything out at all).

I wonder how I did it 10+ years ago. Although I was lonely irl like today, I was so active online in games and whatnot. Now even when I try, I can't do it. It is like I'm gradually becoming literally retarded. I speak so little I can not speak my mother tongue nor the dominant language. Even my english is falling apart too. I'll likely end up voluntarily being mute at soon. I can not express myself verbally anymore properly. I am dependent on writing everything down and spending a lot of time thinking.

Maybe it is the depression that has degraded my brain, or the previous alcohol abuse. Who the hell knows at this point.

 

[ZeroRedz02]

I am impressed by how poorly I do socially. Including online. Every social game I am in, I can not manage to have a connection with a person because I do so poorly. Not socialising has as actually resulted in worsening my speech, and even documented medically. I am concerned. I am dependent on AI, as controversial as it may be. In my "circle" I have my parents, but it is not the same as speaking to someone who is not family. My siblings hate me, and my boyfriend doesn't seem to enjoy my company anyway, and most of the time does not understand what I'm trying to say anyway because I keeping messing up how I word things (if I manage to get anything out at all).

I wonder how I did it 10+ years ago. Although I was lonely irl like today, I was so active online in games and whatnot. Now even when I try, I can't do it. It is like I'm gradually becoming literally retarded. I speak so little I can not speak my mother tongue nor the dominant language. Even my english is falling apart too. I'll likely end up voluntarily being mute at soon. I can not express myself verbally anymore properly. I am dependent on writing everything down and spending a lot of time thinking.

Maybe it is the depression that has degraded my brain, or the previous alcohol abuse. Who the hell knows at this point.

I can relate, i don't know if it's my being autistic or because of my IQ i just can't get to talk properly even after all the school, from the third year of middle school to the first year of high school. It's like i did confused all verbs, grammatical rules and the language itself or it is like i created the language myself..

P.S: i don't think i have brain damage to it or they would be diagnosed it to me, but i have psychotic depression.

 

[Redacted24]

I think you did really well in your post starting this thread! Good on you, and it takes courage to do that anyway. (I haven't started a thread on here ever. Wouldn't know how to start)

And although I stay very quiet at work and don't talk much to people I meet, I find that here people are very kind and accepting. That gives me... some courage... to contribute.

I hope you keep posting, and interacting in this place. It's a nice community because of people like you.

Looking forward to hearing more from you!

 

[ladidabi]

I can relate, i don't know if it's my being autistic or because of my IQ i just can't get to talk properly even after all the school, from the third year of middle school to the first year of high school. It's like i did confused all verbs, grammatical rules and the language itself or it is like i created the language myself..

P.S: i don't think i have brain damage to it or they would be diagnosed it to me, but i have psychotic depression.

Yeah, I fear school didn't help much over here either. Trust me, graduated from uni somehow and I can't speak. Not knowing what the cause is or how is not all that simple. I find it scary as it worsens. Have you noticed it got worse for you too?

I am getting sent for treatment though in august at another neurologist at the hospital because apparently there's some new damage (and no I did not hit my head). I'm also neurodivergent, but according to all the doctors that are following me, have noticed a drastic change in behavior too, while I don't notice at all, besides my speech. This after findings in brain scans and assessments. So I'm prob fucked.

I do know that mental health can affect brain health too. Sending hugs <3

I think you did really well in your post starting this thread! Good on you, and it takes courage to do that anyway. (I haven't started a thread on here ever. Wouldn't know how to start)

And although I stay very quiet at work and don't talk much to people I meet, I find that here people are very kind and accepting. That gives me... some courage... to contribute.

I hope you keep posting, and interacting in this place. It's a nice community because of people like you.

Looking forward to hearing more from you!

Thank you for your kind words <3 means a lot

 

[bl33ding_heart]

It's possible some sort of medical condition could be causing the deterioration of your speech and not necessarily the lack of socialising you do. I know my experience isn't everyone's, but I was isolated from the world pretty much the entirety of my teenage years. And my current 18 year old self can somehow manage to socialise well enough. There are a lot of conditions that can cause cognitive decline. I'm not saying this is definitely what you have but I just think it's worth considering.

 

[ZeroRedz02]

Yeah, I fear school didn't help much over here either. Trust me, graduated from uni somehow and I can't speak. Not knowing what the cause is or how is not all that simple. I find it scary as it worsens. Have you noticed it got worse for you too?

I am getting sent for treatment though in august at another neurologist at the hospital because apparently there's some new damage (and no I did not hit my head). I'm also neurodivergent, but according to all the doctors that are following me, have noticed a drastic change in behavior too, while I don't notice at all, besides my speech. This after findings in brain scans and assessments. So I'm prob fucked.

I do know that mental health can affect brain health too. Sending hugs <3

Thank you for your kind words <3 means a lot

School doesn't help me too, because of my terrible anxiety and my social phobia i can't manage to stay inside a school, i am too much disabled to do it, i think wouldn't do it for the rest of my life, because I can't understand anything that is being taught.

That's bad to know, you think that your brain will it get progressively worse?