Venting No energy to live or die.

[WallowingWillow]

I don't want to be here anymore. I've felt like this relentlessly for months and I know in my heart it will never change. However, I have no energy to plan any logistics around my death, such as tying up loose ends, preparing goodbye letters, rehoming my dog, even acquiring stuff for my suicide and deciding on a method. I also have no energy for daily life. Every single thing is agonizing. I just want to go to sleep and never wake up. I feel like a self-deprecating, fat, lazy, entitled, unappreciative shit who is just whining and complaining, which makes me want to die more. What the fuck is wrong with me. I just want out. I don't want to suffer anymore. I wake up in a hellish nightmare everyday. My brain is rotting from the inside out and I just can't do this anymore but I have no fucking motivation for anything, not even to carry out my death. Can I just lie here and turn into a soulless, inanimate stone?

 

[FuneralCry]

I certainly understand feeling so tired of suffering in this existence, I also just wish to never wake again and be permanently unable to suffer, it's cruel to me how I cannot just choose to fall into an eternal sleep. But anyway I wish you all the best.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

They make it as difficult as they can to escape this evil world and evil life. They do all that to keep us all prisoners slaves suffering in this evil prison world and evil life , and under control

 

[genie]

I'm the same. I don't want to CTB currently, but every day I have less and less motivation and life seems more pointless. "Things will get better" they say, well it has been 5 years and things have only been getting progressively worse with short reprieves.

 

[uglyugly]

I can relate to this... the exhaustion is overwhelming. When I start thinking over things like disposing of my home and making sure the pets have good, new homes, it quickly becomes overwhelming. I hear you and am sorry you are in that place. Whatever decision you make, best of luck.

 

[Lulu Sun]

I can understand that, I feel like doing nothing and I just want to disappear

 

[nasigoreng99]

I can totally relate to you. I have zero energy literally for anything. Everyday i try to do couple things for my ctb plan and one day it will happen. I just can't exist and hope for things are going to be better.

 

[syph_ilis]

Yeah it sucks. Everything is just so demotivating, I barely have energy to even follow through with ctb.

I can totally relate to you. I have zero energy literally for anything. Everyday i try to do couple things for my ctb plan and one day it will happen. I just can't exist and hope for things are going to be better.

I like to do something similar: every time life kicks me in the ass, I try to use it as motivation to progress a little further with my plan, whether it's gathering information or ordering supplies. Eventually after enough of this I should be ready to go, and will feel justified to do so.