Venting New years/Proving pain?

[YandereMikuMistress]

My new years leading into 2023-
This is random but I genuinely hated new years, I spent it with somebody for the first time Too,,
to bad I wanna CBT still,
I just think if I'm not alone on New Year's or just in general How am I supposed to prove my own pain to myself if I'm not alone with myself torturing myself, Though Being Somewhere with so many "happy" people was Torture, Because you look around at everybody and you know for a fact every single one of them has got shit they're dealing with But they all only just Talk bullshit laughing Pretending like there genuinely happy,,mabye they are.

 

[FuneralCry]

People like that certainly are very annoying, I agree. I think that if someone appears to be "happy" they are either delusional or pretending as the reality is that everyone suffers and even if they don't suffer so much now they will do in the future.
No matter the circumstances I could never see any benefit to enduring this futile process where we are only destined to be tortured by old age anyway.