Venting new year and bad feelings

[annique]

My ears, how warm they are. Laying now in bed in deep anxiety and in the house of some relatives of mine. My whole body is under stress as I know how fucked I am while I fake being doing ok to all of them.

Can't put many words to describe the feeling of being destroyed inside, and pretending to be ok all during the new-year thing.

I left my SN back where I live. Only if I had brought it here. I think I would just act out of impulse.

I failed my classes and just told them I'm doing ok, otherwise I would be a convicted dumb fuck and that would make me more uneasy while staying in here.

I fake-laughed at silly bad jokes to be more sociable. Now I am in bed with myself and I can't fake any of the truth to myself. I lay here alone with my demons as the fireworks paint the sky as to what is a new year to come.

i'm so sorry for being like this
i want to cry so much, like never before

 

[FuneralCry]

The unfortunate reality is that existing really can be so painful and torturous and it must had been tiring having to pretend around others. At least to me it's such an awful thing to still be here trapped in this existence and have to face the new year, I very much envy those who die. I hope that when the time is right for you to leave, you find the freedom that you wish for.

 

[spectraltease]

My ears, how warm they are. Laying now in bed in deep anxiety and in the house of some relatives of mine. My whole body is under stress as I know how fucked I am while I fake being doing ok to all of them.

Can't put many words to describe the feeling of being destroyed inside, and pretending to be ok all during the new-year thing.

I left my SN back where I live. Only if I had brought it here. I think I would just act out of impulse.

I failed my classes and just told them I'm doing ok, otherwise I would be a convicted dumb fuck and that would make me more uneasy while staying in here.

I fake-laughed at silly bad jokes to be more sociable. Now I am in bed with myself and I can't fake any of the truth to myself. I lay here alone with my demons as the fireworks paint the sky as to what is a new year to come.

i'm so sorry for being like this
i want to cry so much, like never before

Fuck, I feel your words so much and I the same in some way. I wish I could say something that would make you happier..