Help New to group have a few questions

[imwithyouinthis]

Hi,I am new but I have been following for at least 2 months. I would prefer to only read posts that are supporting peoples choices to proceed with their plan. I understand it may not be possible for that to happen. But I think it's feels confusing. So there might be things that people could explain to me about this. And maybe it is designed to both support as I have seen people say we wish you well in your journey. And at other times there are those who want to offer solid suggestions which I understand to be helpful for some With a lifetime of depression, and over a straight year of darkness and illness and aloneness and way too much to bother everybody with because we all have our stuff. I believe my time is now.

 

[~Q~]

If you truly believe this is your time then this forum has all the info you would need in the pinned posts at the top. I suggest you read them all. I would also encourage you to think very hard about this decision as it will be your last one. We are here to support your choice and be helpful as you move forward in either direction.

Safe journey
~Q

 

[imwithyouinthis]

If you truly believe this is your time then this forum has all the info you would need in the pinned posts at the top. I suggest you read them all. I would also encourage you to think very hard about this decision as it will be your last one. We are here to support your choice and be helpful as you move forward in either direction.

Safe journey
~Q

Thank you. I have read many many over the past 2 months. Have the method and means. Time to stop complaining, recognize I have tried to remedy the ongoing struggles, to no avail, only deeper darker more discouraging.


I'm done telling my (2) friends how suicidal I have been really last months I have lost friends I have lost family because nobody really wants to hear it. So it seems to me there's only one solution to ending the burden I am creating for others and myself and the whole planet. I probably won't even post for long because it makes me a little uncomfortable but I thought it would be worth just lobbing it out there.

 

[Soulless Angel]

Thank you. I have read many many over the past 2 months. Have the method and means. Time to stop complaining, recognize I have tried to remedy the ongoing struggles, to no avail, only deeper darker more discouraging.


I'm done telling my (2) friends how suicidal I have been really last months I have lost friends I have lost family because nobody really wants to hear it. So it seems to me there's only one solution to ending the burden I am creating for others and myself and the whole planet. I probably won't even post for long because it makes me a little uncomfortable but I thought it would be worth just lobbing it out there.

No matter how much someone on this forum wants to CTB, NO one will actively encourage that option
Also so many people use this forum as a tool to heal, many use it as a means to getting to their end, others use it to browse and see it as a safe space, often in the middle of the path of falling either direction.
You will find many understanding people on this forum, you will find support and so on
You say you have been here lurking for two months so far, you will see many are very good at understanding people, and reading more into posts then written, some will see that a poster is questioning their choice without those words, and people will ensure and comfort them,
its not about encouraging anyone to ctb whatever their choice, its about respecting them and being there for them.
I am sorry to read you have now decided the forum is your time for what is a very difficult and dark place, keep browsing, keep posting, keep talking.
Friends in real life, and family, will struggle to understand you, this forum won't.
Just be gentle with your self and your decisions

 

[imwithyouinthis]

No matter how much someone on this forum wants to CTB, NO one will actively encourage that option
Also so many people use this forum as a tool to heal, many use it as a means to getting to their end, others use it to browse and see it as a safe space, often in the middle of the path of falling either direction.
You will find many understanding people on this forum, you will find support and so on
You say you have been here lurking for two months so far, you will see many are very good at understanding people, and reading more into posts then written, some will see that a poster is questioning their choice without those words, and people will ensure and comfort them,
its not about encouraging anyone to ctb whatever their choice, its about respecting them and being there for them.
I am sorry to read you have now decided the forum is your time for what is a very difficult and dark place, keep browsing, keep posting, keep talking.
Friends in real life, and family, will struggle to understand you, this forum won't.
Just be gentle with your self and your decisions

Thank you that makes sense, I appreciate your clarity

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry that you have suffered so much in life. I understand that this life can be unbearable when all you want is to leave. I personally would never see it as a good thing to tell people about wanting to leave this world. Non suicidal people would never be able to understand and after all, we live in a world where suicide is so stigmatised and our right to die is not respected. I wish you the best and I hope you find relief from pain.

 

[imwithyouinthis]

I'm sorry that you have suffered so much in life. I understand that this life can be unbearable when all you want is to leave. I personally would never see it as a good thing to tell people about wanting to leave this world. Non suicidal people would never be able to understand and after all, we live in a world where suicide is so stigmatised and our right to die is not respected. I wish you the best and I hope you find relief from pain.

That is true. In my profession I had come to learn that people generally don't really want to die they just want to be free from the pain.. the therapeutic approach is to try to get people to agree to getting through another day.

That's why I stopped talking about it and I should probably just log out of this group because when you're talking about it you're really just looking for a way to try to Pause the suffering. Which is an absolutely tremendous thing to do. And this is not my first or 10th go round.

as I was saying there comes a point when the talking about it doesn't really change the reality of the cyclic perpetual stuckness. I have been a therapist for many years I have not been able to find a therapist that's in been helpful for many years. The current situation that I am in has baffled the medical providers the therapist they have tried to get me to talk to you as well as the tiny family and two friends. It is a incredibly difficult stuckness that no one can help me out of and I mean it no one. It is Logistical and complicated.

I have sought help from people in the spiritual community of which I am a part I have reached out to people in the Rolodex that I haven't talk to you in a long time it truly is a situation that only I could resolve but I am not well enough to be able to resolve it as it requires physical effort and well like I said it's complex..

so, when the few people who are family aren't able to really assist you out of your stuckness and your children become resentful despite the fact that your illness resembles a brain injury. The illness could be fixed but I don't have the supports to fix it. So from where I sit since I am unable to manage my emotions sometimes and my expressions of feelings which then results in creating pain and suffering; I prefer to find the permanent solution as I am exhausted I am overwhelmed I am a alone in a very isolated area and I have burned out the supports that I had,

finally you are correct it does scare people to talk about it so I will be mindful and not talk about it. At least I got that off my chest sorry that it landed in your reply thread.

 

[Ta555]

That is true. In my profession I had come to learn that people generally don't really want to die they just want to be free from the pain.. the therapeutic approach is to try to get people to agree to getting through another day.

This. You've put it better than I ever could. That's what life is for me now. Just willing myself to make it through another day of suffering.
Like you said, talking doesn't solve physical issues. I'm in the same boat as you. Mysterious neurological illness that isn't killing me but is making life almost unbearable.
Everyone keeps wanting me to 'talk about it' but I don't fucking get it. It's like imagine telling someone with a broken leg to talk about it because it will somehow heal their broken bone. I'm sick of being psychologised when there's an actual physical issue.
It's so pathetic that that's what anyone can offer...just talk about it!
I'm fucking sick of this shit.

 

[CTBgenuine]

Hi,I am new but I have been following for at least 2 months. I would prefer to only read posts that are supporting peoples choices to proceed with their plan. I understand it may not be possible for that to happen. But I think it's feels confusing. So there might be things that people could explain to me about this. And maybe it is designed to both support as I have seen people say we wish you well in your journey. And at other times there are those who want to offer solid suggestions which I understand to be helpful for some With a lifetime of depression, and over a straight year of darkness and illness and aloneness and way too much to bother everybody with because we all have our stuff. I believe my time is now.

What's your chosen method? What made you reach out? Do you want to be supported and or stopped? Is this you subconsciously reaching out for help? Or is this your goodbye? You're obviously lonely and most of us are, but if it's support you want with like minded people then you have it and that can carry you through until you find a reason to live again...

 

[imwithyouinthis]

This. You've put it better than I ever could. That's what life is for me now. Just willing myself to make it through another day of suffering.
Like you said, talking doesn't solve physical issues. I'm in the same boat as you. Mysterious neurological illness that isn't killing me but is making life almost unbearable.
Everyone keeps wanting me to 'talk about it' but I don't fucking get it. It's like imagine telling someone with a broken leg to talk about it because it will somehow heal their broken bone. I'm sick of being psychologised when there's an actual physical issue.
It's so pathetic that that's what anyone can offer...just talk about it!
I'm fucking sick of this shit.

I agree with you that it is fucked up and it is a hidden disability and it came on very quickly well I suppose quickly in the eyes of others but it has been evident to me that something has been going on for a couple years. I've talked to specialists in this field of my disease one of them, and it was assuring to hear them say that unless people get it they don't get it meaning if they don't get the disease they will never understand it.
that's great to hear, but family wants to stay in denial and presume that I am fully functioning despite articles and a conversation with a specialist that a family member had on a three-way call with me. Denial is powerful. And I mean no disrespect to anyone with cancer or any other known very difficult challenging conditions, my mom died from cancer, ( actually we all die at the same thing in my opinion, which is failure to inhale over a certain timeframe) but there's an enormous amount of rallying around, support, and compassion for people with well known conditions. And conditions that the government recognizes and will pay for treatment. My two conditions do not meet the criteria it could be treated by experts who take cash so those who are privileged in that way have a better shot at healing.

i'm kind of done with willing myself to live it's the fact that I have two adult children in their 20s. That has brought me through attempts from 20 years ago where I called rescue for myself. But at this point as I said I believe the amount of harm I am doing to them is greater than the alternative.

What's your chosen method? What made you reach out? Do you want to be supported and or stopped? Is this you subconsciously reaching out for help? Or is this your goodbye? You're obviously lonely and most of us are, but if it's support you want with like minded people then you have it and that can carry you through until you find a reason to live again...

Those are good questions some of which I choose not to answer respectfully. I honestly don't think that there is any support that will modify the external circumstances I've spent six months or more seeking that support and as I said in a response to someone else there is no one nowhere who can help me out of this situation. I'm tired going in circles the problems continue to mount. At some point the skills just tip in a general direction that I believe people will really understand. And if they don't perhaps someday they will.

Your response is appreciated the plans are happening now

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I'm done telling my (2) friends how suicidal I have been really last months

Some might say that this is a cry out for help.

Even if it is, apparently, you aren't getting it from those you try and reach out to. In the end, only you know what's right for you and when the right time is. No one here can tell you that for yourself. The road to getting to that "certainty" is a little different for each of us.

 

[Ta555]

I agree with you that it is fucked up and it is a hidden disability and it came on very quickly well I suppose quickly in the eyes of others but it has been evident to me that something has been going on for a couple years. I've talked to specialists in this field of my disease one of them, and it was assuring to hear them say that unless people get it they don't get it meaning if they don't get the disease they will never understand it.
that's great to hear, but family wants to stay in denial and presume that I am fully functioning despite articles and a conversation with a specialist that a family member had on a three-way call with me. Denial is powerful. And I mean no disrespect to anyone with cancer or any other known very difficult challenging conditions, my mom died from cancer, ( actually we all die at the same thing in my opinion, which is failure to inhale over a certain timeframe) but there's an enormous amount of rallying around, support, and compassion for people with well known conditions. And conditions that the government recognizes and will pay for treatment. My two conditions do not meet the criteria it could be treated by experts who take cash so those who are privileged in that way have a better shot at healing.

i'm kind of done with willing myself to live it's the fact that I have two adult children in their 20s. That has brought me through attempts from 20 years ago where I called rescue for myself. But at this point as I said I believe the amount of harm I am doing to them is greater than the alternative.

Those are good questions some of which I choose not to answer respectfully. I honestly don't think that there is any support that will modify the external circumstances I've spent six months or more seeking that support and as I said in a response to someone else there is no one nowhere who can help me out of this situation. I'm tired going in circles the problems continue to mount. At some point the skills just tip in a general direction that I believe people will really understand. And if they don't perhaps someday they will.

Your response is appreciated the plans are happening now

The thing that also really gets me is that family and friends are often willing to do anything to help stop your suffering. Like they will drive you to medical appointments, research your disease, even pay for treatment if they can. They understand that suffering is unbearable and will do anything to help end it, except accepting your CTB.
'We don't want you to suffer! But not like that.' If it's between living and suffering and being dead they will always push you to live and suffer.
Like you said, if it's a known condition where there are actual treatments that's very good. But when you come to the end of the road and there is no actual treatment for your suffering people become very angry that you want to end it by death. Ending suffering by medical treatment is fine, but ending it by death makes them angry. They really would prefer you alive and suffering than not you not being around and not suffering.
Suddenly, when the only option to end suffering as a younger person is by death, you get called selfish and all these other horrible things. But if you want to end suffering my medical treatment you're so brave and etc. It makes me sick.

 

[~Q~]

Thank you. I have read many many over the past 2 months. Have the method and means. Time to stop complaining, recognize I have tried to remedy the ongoing struggles, to no avail, only deeper darker more discouraging.


I'm done telling my (2) friends how suicidal I have been really last months I have lost friends I have lost family because nobody really wants to hear it. So it seems to me there's only one solution to ending the burden I am creating for others and myself and the whole planet. I probably won't even post for long because it makes me a little uncomfortable but I thought it would be worth just lobbing it out there.

Ive warned people so they know its coming and i get the same response. If that is truly your choice consider it carefully and make sure it is as easy on them as possible. You get your choice so its only fair. We are here to support your choices.

Safe journey.
~Q