kl44r
Member
- Aug 15, 2023
- 13
Hi this is my first post here, i'll explain some backstory of my experiences.
Since i can remember i struggled with depression but never realised that its not normal until recently, my parents never supported me and never let me see a therapist. That emotional neglect turned into borderline personality disorder later on (i got diagnosed recently).
I started therapy 3 months ago because of my (now ex) boyfriend. We met at our faculty and knew each other for a few months until we started dating. He was really special to me, but because of my disorder i was too much to handle. Even though i thought it started to get better, i could really see some progress, he broke up with me 2 days ago.
We talked many times and even one week ago we had a similar situation but agreed to be more open with our feelings and just communicate. Now when i splitted once since that time 2 days ago, he left me and blocked me everywhere.
You can't imagine how amazing i felt next to him, for the first time in my life i felt better with myself and had really high hopes for the future, everything seemed to click into place.
He said that he's losing himself in this relationship and cannot see himself. He said that it's overwhelming to him to carry the weight of my existence. I am too much, probably for everyone.
The guilt now is just overwhelming, what we had was amazing and was a beginning of a beautiful love but because of me and things that are wrong with me it ended. I am not able to handle all this.
Its not that i didnt think about ctb earlier, i was constantly dealing with it and self harm. This situation is just too much, my parents arent supportive either, everything went downhill too fast and im exhausted, i was earlier but this absolutely killed me - its like almost everything was took away from me.
Im almost sure im gonna ctb next week, im thinking about hanging myself near his house cause i loved that place, i want to disappear peacefully and in an environment i enjoyed. Im doing all my research rn and hope for the best outcome.
Since i can remember i struggled with depression but never realised that its not normal until recently, my parents never supported me and never let me see a therapist. That emotional neglect turned into borderline personality disorder later on (i got diagnosed recently).
I started therapy 3 months ago because of my (now ex) boyfriend. We met at our faculty and knew each other for a few months until we started dating. He was really special to me, but because of my disorder i was too much to handle. Even though i thought it started to get better, i could really see some progress, he broke up with me 2 days ago.
We talked many times and even one week ago we had a similar situation but agreed to be more open with our feelings and just communicate. Now when i splitted once since that time 2 days ago, he left me and blocked me everywhere.
You can't imagine how amazing i felt next to him, for the first time in my life i felt better with myself and had really high hopes for the future, everything seemed to click into place.
He said that he's losing himself in this relationship and cannot see himself. He said that it's overwhelming to him to carry the weight of my existence. I am too much, probably for everyone.
The guilt now is just overwhelming, what we had was amazing and was a beginning of a beautiful love but because of me and things that are wrong with me it ended. I am not able to handle all this.
Its not that i didnt think about ctb earlier, i was constantly dealing with it and self harm. This situation is just too much, my parents arent supportive either, everything went downhill too fast and im exhausted, i was earlier but this absolutely killed me - its like almost everything was took away from me.
Im almost sure im gonna ctb next week, im thinking about hanging myself near his house cause i loved that place, i want to disappear peacefully and in an environment i enjoyed. Im doing all my research rn and hope for the best outcome.
