New here - introduction

[bravotess]

My personal opinion is he's the worthless one, not you. he doesn't deserve you. It might not be what you want to hear but... i think he is just keeping you hanging on in case things don't work out with his new girl.

In my opinion if you cheat on someone, you never loved them in the 1st place. I have NEVER in my life cheated on a gf.be it somebody of a few months or of many years. including relationships that a person continuously cheated and abusive, i still did not stray. you can think you love some one, but never truly love some one if you are willing to go with others

Its a horrible feeling when somebody does this to you.but im sure there are plenty of people out there that would treat you how you should be treated. just because a few dates haven't gone to plan doesn't mean you won't find someone. the 1st step would be to stop this person having a hold on you, i understand kids are involved though so not so easy.

I beg him all the time to just "let me go". Stop saying he wants to be with me but not Doing anything about it. His words don't match his actions. it's because I'm not worth it. After 17years he walked out on me so easily. He was calm and matter of fact. I can't understand why he doesn't say the same thing to the new girl. Why does he say he loves me and wants to be with me and we're gonna be together forever and he's going to make up for all the terrible things he did. But then day in and day out he stays with her . I feel completely worthless and stupid and stuck. I just can not seem to pull it together . Another person would make it so much easier but dating sites are awful.

 

[checkouttime]

I beg him all the time to just "let me go". Stop saying he wants to be with me but not Doing anything about it. His words don't match his actions. it's because I'm not worth it. After 17years he walked out on me so easily. He was calm and matter of fact. I can't understand why he doesn't say the same thing to the new girl. Why does he say he loves me and wants to be with me and we're gonna be together forever and he's going to make up for all the terrible things he did. But then day in and day out he stays with her . I feel completely worthless and stupid and stuck. I just can not seem to pull it together . Another person would make it so much easier but dating sites are awful.

he does, and says as he does, because he wants to 'have his cake and eat it'. he wants you to be 'hanging on' that you might get back together. I'd take a guess he isn't so comfortable in his new relationship, he wants you there just in case. he's using you IMO. you might not think you're worth it.....to him. what about to everyone else......and the question is, is HE the one thats really worth it and id say NO!

I don't know your exact situation. but I've been in plenty myself some that sound exactly like yours! I'm not so sure you want to get straight into a relationship right now. It may seem like what you want ,but i don't think it would be fair on the new person. Im not saying i am right and that you shouldn't do this.just are you wanting a new relationship for the 'right' reasons???

 

[bravotess]

he does, and says as he does, because he wants to 'have his cake and eat it'. he wants you to be 'hanging on' that you might get back together. I'd take a guess he isn't so comfortable in his new relationship, he wants you there just in case. he's using you IMO. you might not think you're worth it.....to him. what about to everyone else......and the question is, is HE the one thats really worth it and id say NO!

I don't know your exact situation. but I've been in plenty myself some that sound exactly like yours! I'm not so sure you want to get straight into a relationship right now. It may seem like what you want ,but i don't think it would be fair on the new person. Im not saying i am right and that you shouldn't do this.just are you wanting a new relationship for the 'right' reasons???

You are totally right. About him wanting to have his cake and eat it too and about things not going well with the new girl. I'm just so fucking lonely and overwhelmed. I have so much going on that "we" signed up for (house, kids, bills) and now it's all on me. It's too much. The reality is that the way he is treating me, regardless of how he's justifying it to himself, is so shitty I can't be with him anymore. But that fact is very hard to accept. I literally do not see any way of making my life "work" without him. I HATE him. And I LOVE him. I love the old him, the amazing guy he USED to be. But he's not that person anymore. He's this monster that I don't even know. I tell him everyday how much he's KILLING me but nothing changes. CTB is the only way to make him realize what he's done.

 

[checkouttime]

I totally understand things getting too much. I am now out of work and have a mortgage to pay.my mother lives with me so she would be out on the street if i lost the house aswell( well probably go to my sisters, but this is the house we were all brought up in etc) .

I totally agree it's hard to accept. when something/someones a part of your life for so long it will never be easy to get over. its a horrible feeling breaking up with someone. of course you love him, it won't just disappear overnight either and you should HATE him after how he treated you. A person who loved you would never hurt you insect a way

Im not trying to influence your decision on CTB, whatsoever, im planning on it myself! what i am saying is this guy doesn't deserve you, he cheated and you don't do that if you love someone.

If he wanted to be with someone else why couldn't he just finish the relationship and get with someone else(still not nice ) because they wanted the best of both worlds or to do as they please regardless of others feelings. believe me i was with someone, they cheated on me dozens of times i went back too them again and again, in the end we split. it took about 8 years but it was always going to happen.

once somebody cheats there is no repairing that.the trust is broken and all that happens is it eventually comes to an end....be it 2 months later or 10yrs later.the DAMAGE is done.

 

[Mgl91]

Hello Friends (I hope I can call you guys friends) -

I'd like to introduce myself. I'm a reasonably attractive, 41 year old woman. I have 2 kids and a well paying job. My partner, after 16 years together, walked our on me and our family in February. I no longer wish to live. The emotional and financial burden has become too much. I had a partner to share this burden with but I no longer do. I've been on a few dates over the last several months but nothing much ever comes of them. Or I screw things up. Because I'm an idiot. And I'm weak. And I'm worthless. And I'm stupid. Even if I had a million dollars and my ex came home, I'd still want to ctb. The damage is done. It's irreparable.

You may see a lot from me over the next week or 2 because I don't want to screw this up. School starts August 31. I plan to ctb before then. I have found this forum to be very useful. I look forward to discussions with you.

best regards

I identify with some things in his story. welcome and I hope you find the peace you need here.

 

[bravotess]

I totally understand things getting too much. I am now out of work and have a mortgage to pay.my mother lives with me so she would be out on the street if i lost the house aswell( well probably go to my sisters, but this is the house we were all brought up in etc) .

I totally agree it's hard to accept. when something/someones a part of your life for so long it will never be easy to get over. its a horrible feeling breaking up with someone. of course you love him, it won't just disappear overnight either and you should HATE him after how he treated you. A person who loved you would never hurt you insect a way

Im not trying to influence your decision on CTB, whatsoever, im planning on it myself! what i am saying is this guy doesn't deserve you, he cheated and you don't do that if you love someone.

If he wanted to be with someone else why couldn't he just finish the relationship and get with someone else(still not nice ) because they wanted the best of both worlds or to do as they please regardless of others feelings. believe me i was with someone, they cheated on me dozens of times i went back too them again and again, in the end we split. it took about 8 years but it was always going to happen.

once somebody cheats there is no repairing that.the trust is broken and all that happens is it eventually comes to an end....be it 2 months later or 10yrs later.the DAMAGE is done.

Thank you for your messages. For the last five years together we had essentially become roommates. We slept in separate bedrooms , didn't have sex often , didn't snuggle on the couch and watch TV together. Most of that was initiated by me. I take full responsibility for all of that. But he never communicated to me that he was unhappy with how things were going.

When he first told me he was leaving I was stunned. I begged for another chance And promised to change. He was also stunned. He didn't think I would care. By the time he decided to leave he was already in love with the new girl. Big surprise, she's turned out not to be all that he thought she was.

I cheated on him a few times in the first 6 months we were together. We never worked through it. He would bring it up occasionally if I said I wanted to go out with friends. And then it would turn into a huge fight so I wouldn't go out. Eventually the friends i used to have stopped inviting me out which is how I've gotten to the place of having absolutely no friends .

my reason for wanting to CTB used to be 2 fold. 1. to demonstrate to him in a tangible way, how much he's hurt me. 2. Because I am so unhappy. I've realized that he won't feel the least bit guilty or regretful when I'm gone so now I'm just doing it for me.

 

[checkouttime]

Your welcome I think sometime when two people are together they can become more like friends. I got abit like that with myex, we used go out for food etc but i didn't want to sleep with her, hardly. Sometimes people still LOVE a person, but are not IN LOVE with a person. obviously when you are with somebody for a long time it becomes bit routine, sometimes anyway