New here - introduction

[bravotess]

Hello Friends (I hope I can call you guys friends) -

I'd like to introduce myself. I'm a reasonably attractive, 41 year old woman. I have 2 kids and a well paying job. My partner, after 16 years together, walked our on me and our family in February. I no longer wish to live. The emotional and financial burden has become too much. I had a partner to share this burden with but I no longer do. I've been on a few dates over the last several months but nothing much ever comes of them. Or I screw things up. Because I'm an idiot. And I'm weak. And I'm worthless. And I'm stupid. Even if I had a million dollars and my ex came home, I'd still want to ctb. The damage is done. It's irreparable.

You may see a lot from me over the next week or 2 because I don't want to screw this up. School starts August 31. I plan to ctb before then. I have found this forum to be very useful. I look forward to discussions with you.

best regards

 

[Sinai Silence]

Welcome Bravotess to SS I'm sorry to hear your partner walked out of your family like that, it must've been hard for you and your children.

I'm sorry to hear you feel this way, I hope you find a way to gain some peace of mind. Where will your children go if you do ctb?

Sending big hugs friend!

 

[Lady black]

Welcome and sorry for what you are going through

 

[Greenberg]

Welcome aboard. You are among friends here!

 

[bipolar19]

Hello Friends (I hope I can call you guys friends) -

I'd like to introduce myself. I'm a reasonably attractive, 41 year old woman. I have 2 kids and a well paying job. My partner, after 16 years together, walked our on me and our family in February. I no longer wish to live. The emotional and financial burden has become too much. I had a partner to share this burden with but I no longer do. I've been on a few dates over the last several months but nothing much ever comes of them. Or I screw things up. Because I'm an idiot. And I'm weak. And I'm worthless. And I'm stupid. Even if I had a million dollars and my ex came home, I'd still want to ctb. The damage is done. It's irreparable.

You may see a lot from me over the next week or 2 because I don't want to screw this up. School starts August 31. I plan to ctb before then. I have found this forum to be very useful. I look forward to discussions with you.

best regards

I'm also new here. Nice to meet you.

 

[bravotess]

Welcome Bravotess to SS I'm sorry to hear your partner walked out of your family like that, it must've been hard for you and your children.

I'm sorry to hear you feel this way, I hope you find a way to gain some peace of mind. Where will your children go if you do ctb?

Sending big hugs friend!

Thanks for the hugs. My kids can live with their dads.

 

[who doesn't matter]

Not calling you impulsive or anything but in my opinion, you should calm down a little and share your pain with others. The fact that you call yourself worthless or idiot points towards the fact that you haven't interacted with anyone "reasonable" in a while. Not finding a good date or a partner leaving you does NOT explain your intelligence or overall capability. I know watching a long relationship getting over is too much to handle but simply blaming yourself is just not the way.

The reason I think you haven't talked with anyone reasonable because this is something you would have been told a long time ago.

 

[Squiddy]

Welcome to SS. Sorry to hear that your partner walked out on you :(

 

[TotallyIsolated]

I'm so sorry to hear this. I can't imagine how much pain you must be going through. We're here for you.

 

[Brick In The Wall]

Welcome to SS, the end of my 13 year marriage is what brought me here too. I'm sorry to hear about your situation but I can relate to some degree.

 

[Lilmeowssi]

Welcome to the forum
I'm sorry about what happened to you, may you find peace.

 

[ITryHard]

It was the end of my marriage that brought me here as well, so I can certainly relate.

Welcome :-)

 

[bravotess]

Welcome to SS. Sorry to hear that your partner walked out on you :(

Thank you

It was the end of my marriage that brought me here as well, so I can certainly relate.

Welcome :-)

I'm sorry that happened to you. It really really sucks.

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

I'm so sorry to hear about your pain. Has your ex been supportive at all in caring for your two kids? What support do you have on that front?

Not calling you impulsive or anything but in my opinion, you should calm down a little and share your pain with others. The fact that you call yourself worthless or idiot points towards the fact that you haven't interacted with anyone "reasonable" in a while. Not finding a good date or a partner leaving you does NOT explain your intelligence or overall capability. I know watching a long relationship getting over is too much to handle but simply blaming yourself is just not the way.

This, though! I agree that you seem to have to some really harsh conclusions about yourself and your own worth. I doubt they have much credit. We are often our harshest critics, especially in the midst of severe depression and anxiety. Others can provide us with the objectivity needed to value ourselves again. I encourage you to share your experiences (if comfortable) with the SS community. I am sure you will find support and comfort.

 

[bravotess]

My ex cheated on me and is now living with the girl. There has been tons of drama and back and fourths with us. He says he wants to be back with me, that he knows we belong together but he never actually comes back. It has made me realize that I'm not worthy of being with. I'm 2nd place to this new girl. He had all the reasons in the world to at least TRY to make things work with me. But he didn't. I'm not worth it. The financial situation that he put me in, trying to pay for everything myself, is not doable. I haven't paid my mortgage in months. Trying to make online school work, while I am working is too much to handle. I'm failing at everything. I have no one to talk to. But talking doesn't pay the bills so it doesn't matter anyway. I'm totally over it. There's nothing good coming. Nothing to look forward to. Just pain and hurt and struggle.

 

[Lady black]

Sounds horrible

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

How are your children holding up?

 

[bravotess]

How are your children holding up?

My son is 17 and doesn't see his real dad. Him and my ex didn't get along so he's glad he's not living with us. My daughter stays my ex a few nights a week. She's struggling. They are very close. The fact that he doesn't want to come home, even for her, really sucks. It proves how much he loves this new girl.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

There has been tons of drama and back and fourths with us. He says he wants to be back with me, that he knows we belong together but he never actually comes back. It has made me realize that I'm not worthy of being with.

His actions are a reflection of him, not of you. His actions demonstrate a lack of trustworthiness, mutual respect and reciprocity. He has left his kid in a financially unstable situation as well.

 

[bravotess]

Not calling you impulsive or anything but in my opinion, you should calm down a little and share your pain with others. The fact that you call yourself worthless or idiot points towards the fact that you haven't interacted with anyone "reasonable" in a while. Not finding a good date or a partner leaving you does NOT explain your intelligence or overall capability. I know watching a long relationship getting over is too much to handle but simply blaming yourself is just not the way.

The reason I think you haven't talked with anyone reasonable because this is something you would have been told a long time ago.

Thank you for you message. I'm so stupid I can't even tie the knot right. I'm literally sitting here in tears, watching YouTube videos. It shouldn't be this hard. But for me, it is. Everything is always so hard.

 

[Meditation guide]

He says he wants to be back with me, that he knows we belong together but he never actually comes back. It has made me realize that I'm not worthy of being with. I'm 2nd place to this new girl.

Can I be frank with you? He is lying. He tells you that to try to keep you available to him should he need you for something.

You don't just decide you are not worth anything as you are saying overnight. Things have led up to this, maybe some sort of abusive treatment.

 

[Hopeindeath!]

Welcome

 

[bravotess]

You're right. He is lying but he's got me so fucked up in the head I can't think straight.

 

[Living_Hurts_so_Much]

Glad you found this community. I was going through some really bad depression when I arrived here and it has helped to talk to people who understand the feelings and be able to share.

 

[Zappfe lover]

Welcome (:

Reading about your situation hurts. I can't begin to fathom how big the pain of losing someone so important can be...

Anyway, I hope that this community can help you with your struggle. No matter what you decide to do, know that the people here will support you.

 

[Thinking]

Welcome to our community. I'm sorry life has been so tough on you recently. I hope you can find some sense of belonging here on SS. I encourage you to use this platform so that you can be completely comfortable with your decision, regardless of what you choose

 

[Isadeth]

Welcome ♡ I'm also a mother of 2 children. I'm so sorry to hear of your situation and circumstances that have brought you here, but I wish the absolute best for you. If you need anyone to talk with, you're more than welcome to PM me. The community here is strong and full of loving, compassionate, empathetic people. In fact, it's more like a family. We're here for you xx

 

[Wayfaerer]

Think of your children.

 

[Querry1]

If I ever had kids I could be in hell, but would never ctb... I know it may be hard for you, but you should live for kids, at least up to when they are adults.

 

[checkouttime]

My personal opinion is he's the worthless one, not you. he doesn't deserve you. It might not be what you want to hear but... i think he is just keeping you hanging on in case things don't work out with his new girl.

In my opinion if you cheat on someone, you never loved them in the 1st place. I have NEVER in my life cheated on a gf.be it somebody of a few months or of many years. including relationships that a person continuously cheated and abusive, i still did not stray. you can think you love some one, but never truly love some one if you are willing to go with others

Its a horrible feeling when somebody does this to you.but im sure there are plenty of people out there that would treat you how you should be treated. just because a few dates haven't gone to plan doesn't mean you won't find someone. the 1st step would be to stop this person having a hold on you, i understand kids are involved though so not so easy.