Story New here, and here's my tragedy story

[DrownFeather]

Hey all,

I'm new here but been long time watching this site and decided to finally register to express my thoughts to public and really I'm so overwhelmed by how many people here are so lovely, understanding and supporting and i wish this site continue to exist for all of us

So my story is, all problems started at age 11 (I'm 19m now) i had severe anxiety, depression, mood swings and been diagnosed with BPD but since I didn't check from years i know i have other mental illnesses.

Been sexually-molested, raped at sleep in childhood and been builled and mocked everyday at school for being that short, weak, quiet kid, seriously school was hell for me i would prefer to have no job or carrer just to leave school it was awful and i have PTSD from it till now when i see any school in street my heart gets outside, then i graduated from it been to college and same situation nothing gets better at all , all same

No friends, no girlfriend and being short is suck people look at you with degraded look no respect at all everyone treat me so bad with no reason i swear i never had hurt anybody why everyone is so cruel, being laughed at and degraded everyday is breaking mountains, nothing now interest me or give me joy im just a walking zombie have no goal with severe depression, suicidal and crying every day for the past 3 months and no one was able to understand me, that's it there are much more suffering but im enough with opening the wounds, the traumas i had was enough to make my mind have permanent irreversible damage it and too late to fix it, i blame myself for being weak and sensitive im just so emotional and innocent in world with stone heart but most blame goes for the stupid society we live in.

i planned to ctb soon maybe week or so by partial hanging i already researched it and free myself from the cage then fly high, i already paid my dues in this world and not planning to write a note because life is just meaningless and tragedy.

People think young people are stupid for ctb because they can't feel much pain no no it's you who stupid and careless person i literally live in hell!

I HATE LIFE AND HUMANKIND.

 

[lostmylove]

I'm sorry life has treated you like this. Some of the things you've described happened to my partner, at your age he was extremely warn out of life and Ik that feeling it's rough.

You aren't stupid for feeling the way you do, you've been through a stressful time and absolute hell no doubt. It's difficult for people to relate to that I'm sure.

 

[DrownFeather]

Thank you for your kind words

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds really horrible what you have been through, I can imagine that it must have been unbearable. I'm sorry that you are suffering so much. I hope you find relief from your pain in whatever happens.

 

[DrownFeather]

That sounds really horrible what you have been through, I can imagine that it must have been unbearable. I'm sorry that you are suffering so much. I hope you find relief from your pain in whatever happens.

Thank you, it's hard to live but knowing im gonna have my peace soon is so comforting

 

[BigG91]

Hey all,

I'm new here but been long time watching this site and decided to finally register to express my thoughts to public and really I'm so overwhelmed by how many people here are so lovely, understanding and supporting and i wish this site continue to exist for all of us

So my story is, all problems started at age 11 (I'm 19m now) i had severe anxiety, depression, mood swings and been diagnosed with BPD but since I didn't check from years i know i have other mental illnesses.

Been sexually-molested, raped at sleep in childhood and been builled and mocked everyday at school for being that short, weak, quiet kid, seriously school was hell for me i would prefer to have no job or carrer just to leave school it was awful and i have PTSD from it till now when i see any school in street my heart gets outside, then i graduated from it been to college and same situation nothing gets better at all , all same

No friends, no girlfriend and being short is suck people look at you with degraded look no respect at all everyone treat me so bad with no reason i swear i never had hurt anybody why everyone is so cruel, being laughed at and degraded everyday is breaking mountains, nothing now interest me or give me joy im just a walking zombie have no goal with severe depression, suicidal and crying every day for the past 3 months and no one was able to understand me, that's it there are much more suffering but im enough with opening the wounds, the traumas i had was enough to make my mind have permanent irreversible damage it and too late to fix it, i blame myself for being weak and sensitive im just so emotional and innocent in world with stone heart but most blame goes for the stupid society we live in.

i planned to ctb soon maybe week or so by partial hanging i already researched it and free myself from the cage then fly high, i already paid my dues in this world and not planning to write a note because life is just meaningless and tragedy.

People think young people are stupid for ctb because they can't feel much pain no no it's you who stupid and careless person i literally live in hell!

I HATE LIFE AND HUMANKIND.

Don't get too excited about partial hanging ... It Just looks easy on theory or paper but is infact very hard to achieve.
Also I'm sorry for what you've been through ... hope you get well or find peace

 

[DrownFeather]

Don't get too excited about partial hanging ... It Just looks easy on theory or paper but is infact very hard to achieve.
Also I'm sorry for what you've been through ... hope you get well or find peace

Im still practicing it but I'm getting good at and will be sure to have safety locks in case it fail from Sl but however in a way or another I'm gonna cbt so no problem

 

[xo777]

We have both been through a few similar things so if you ever want to vent/talk about it i'm here. The world can be cruel and i'm sorry that so many people treated you so poorly you never deserved the pain you were put through.
It was nothing you did.

I hope you find the peace you are looking for.

 

[DrownFeather]

We have both been through a few similar things so if you ever want to vent/talk about it i'm here. The world can be cruel and i'm sorry that so many people treated you so poorly you never deserved the pain you were put through.
It was nothing you did.

I hope you find the peace you are looking for.

I don't feel talking will solve anything, my mind already took shape long ago, venting hurt me because i prefer the the wounds to be closed, it just make me breakdown but thanks for your sensible words

 

[onlyanimalsaregood]

First of all, welcome to our community :)

I am sorry it is not for the best reasons but I hope you will find understanding and affection here.

It is a relief to feel that, unfortunately, there are more people who feel the same way we do but understand us for it.

I'm so sorry for your suffering and I hope you can find peace whatever you decide to do.