New found tolerance for the world.

[Salmon can't swim]

I've been meaning to post this on here for ages but been so busy recently that I haven't been able to. If all goes well, I'll be dead in about a month. This realisation has made me… strangely patient. Things that would send me spiraling before, now "don't matter because I'm going to die soon anyways". Whenever I feel stressed about the future, or suffocated and like I can't breathe, wherever anxiety overwhelms me and I want to disappear, whenever things annoy me, or people take advantage of me, whenever all these things happen, a simple, "Be patient, all of this will be over soon" seems to calm me down.

Of course, it doesn't always work. Particularly when the situation calls for an immediate solution, or I'm having a panic attack or smt like that. But it definitely has made me a lot more patient with things that would have caused me to snap in the past.

I don't think I'm the only one that feels this way, so this post is mostly to find like minded people, but also to know about other's opinions. Do you feel panicked, worried, or at peace at the thought of a close death?

 

[Slow_Farewell]

Same as you. When I started to earnestly look into it: methods, location, etc. it did give me a sense of peace and calm and, i think to some extent, joy.
There were times when there were certain challenges that made me a bit..frustrated? but weirdly (for me) it spurned on a certain sense of excitement of being able to overcome it. Like, case in point:
I had to look into where there were little to no people that was near my current location. I found the place with the lowest person per square mile ratio. Then i had to look up land values. Discovering the information gave me a sense of achievement because in my mind im like "ohhhhhhh so i dont have to be featured in a future youtube documentary. I can actually do things MY way".
Armed with the costing and stuff (to buy land in that location, fence it up, etc) actually made me more tolerant of going about finding a job, etc because it became motivation of sorts and it really does help knowing there's a light at the end of the tunnel.

 

[AInilam]

I've been meaning to post this on here for ages but been so busy recently that I haven't been able to. If all goes well, I'll be dead in about a month. This realisation has made me… strangely patient. Things that would send me spiraling before, now "don't matter because I'm going to die soon anyways". Whenever I feel stressed about the future, or suffocated and like I can't breathe, wherever anxiety overwhelms me and I want to disappear, whenever things annoy me, or people take advantage of me, whenever all these things happen, a simple, "Be patient, all of this will be over soon" seems to calm me down.

Of course, it doesn't always work. Particularly when the situation calls for an immediate solution, or I'm having a panic attack or smt like that. But it definitely has made me a lot more patient with things that would have caused me to snap in the past.

I don't think I'm the only one that feels this way, so this post is mostly to find like minded people, but also to know about other's opinions. Do you feel panicked, worried, or at peace at the thought of a close death?

At first I was very much at peace but panic is starting to set in the more I realize my method may be too risky and unreliable. I may have to abandon it altogether in favor of something else.

 

[Unknown21]

I've been meaning to post this on here for ages but been so busy recently that I haven't been able to. If all goes well, I'll be dead in about a month. This realisation has made me… strangely patient. Things that would send me spiraling before, now "don't matter because I'm going to die soon anyways". Whenever I feel stressed about the future, or suffocated and like I can't breathe, wherever anxiety overwhelms me and I want to disappear, whenever things annoy me, or people take advantage of me, whenever all these things happen, a simple, "Be patient, all of this will be over soon" seems to calm me down.

Of course, it doesn't always work. Particularly when the situation calls for an immediate solution, or I'm having a panic attack or smt like that. But it definitely has made me a lot more patient with things that would have caused me to snap in the past.

I don't think I'm the only one that feels this way, so this post is mostly to find like minded people, but also to know about other's opinions. Do you feel panicked, worried, or at peace at the thought of a close death?

I naturally feel at peace as I approach the deadline or when I feel that everything is relatively ready. I can relate very much to what you said, but what really scares me is that I stay in this comfort zone and not ctb because I keep sabotaging my life I hope that I ctb because not ctb would be a disaster. I am obligated to ctb in this case.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Overall yes, the idea that I will CTB has taken off the pressure of trying to succeed in life. That's been nice! It's like nothing truly matters when you know it won't even need to matter at some point.

Still, for me- my date with death is uncertain. I want to wait for my Dad to go first so really- I do still have immediate worries about the future- mainly how to financially support myself for the rest of it.

Plus, the practicalities of CTB don't comfort me at all. They horrify and terrify me. I try to imagine myself doing it each day to desensitize myself but I don't think it's working. I'm still scared of the actual process and I'm scared that that in itself will put me off when the time comes.

 

[Salmon can't swim]

I naturally feel at peace as I approach the deadline or when I feel that everything is relatively ready. I can relate very much to what you said, but what really scares me is that I stay in this comfort zone and not ctb because I keep sabotaging my life I hope that I ctb because not ctb would be a disaster. I am obligated to ctb in this case.

I get what you mean. I'm trying my best to keep things okay until then, but I'm really sabotaging myself, leaving no way out. If I were to choose not to ctb, or fail, it would be too late to pick up the pieces.

 

[Salmon can't swim]

Overall yes, the idea that I will CTB has taken off the pressure of trying to succeed in life. That's been nice! It's like nothing truly matters when you know it won't even need to matter at some point.

Still, for me- my date with death is uncertain. I want to wait for my Dad to go first so really- I do still have immediate worries about the future- mainly how to financially support myself for the rest of it.

Plus, the practicalities of CTB don't comfort me at all. They horrify and terrify me. I try to imagine myself doing it each day to desensitize myself but I don't think it's working. I'm still scared of the actual process and I'm scared that that in itself will put me off when the time comes.

I wish you the best with your financial (and other) troubles It's a shame it's not more accessible, so we have to jump through hoops. I'm undeniably scared, but I'm even more scared of living. I won't know how I'll actually feel until I get there though.