Venting never "struggling" with suicidal thoughts

[passivethought121]

My pet peeve with this statement is that it's wrong. My will to die is ego-syntonic.

No, I don't have a "problem" with suicide nor "struggling" with suicidal thoughts. It is not the thoughts that upset me, but the fact that they're not real. Thinking of my dead body does not distress me. Its relaxing. It is my favorite way to cope with actually stressful thoughts, such as ones related to life. If anything, life is a struggle, life is the issue, and this would be the solution. Suicidality isn't "my" problem, it's yours. You have an issue with it, and you feel the need to get me to side with you. The very few pro-lifers I've told about this got mad over this logic. I can see the other perspective, I just don't care. This could also be applied to other aspects, and makes it easy as a very bad liar to lie about mental health. Is it anxiety, or is there just that many things to worry about? Do I have low self esteem, or am I just aware that my value as a person in society is lower than those around me because my traits make me a bit less productive and agreeable? I know I'm not the worst. But I don't see the point in believing I'm better than I really am. It feels dishonest.

My final week before I go will be peaceful, and will be the first time I have a stable week in forever. I'm not worried, so you shouldn't be either. /nay

 

[FuneralCry]

I also cannot stand that statement, as in my case existence is the problem as well rather than the wish to be gone from it, to have the ability to exist is something very undesirable. The thought of ceasing to exist is all that comforts me, in fact I see death as something positive as it means freedom from the struggle of existing as a human.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Yeah- after the welness checks after the IC SN business, they put me in touch with a 'helpline'. The first lady I spoke to was actually very sweet but I tried to make it plain that I wasn't in need of their service. She said- 'But- don't you think we should talk about these disturbing, intrusive suicidal thoughts you are having?' I thought- how likely is it I'll get myself sectioned if I tell her these thoughts are neither 'disturbing' or 'intrusive' for me?

I mean- if I had thoughts about hurting others- yes- that would be disturbing and yes- I'd do what I could to stop them. If I was living some incredible life and every day felt like a blessing and I woke up one day and wanted to kill myself- yes- I'd likely feel like something was off then! Who has that experience though? I mean- yeah sure- some maybe do. A sudden change in mood but, it just seems so unrealistic in a lot of cases. I feel like- more often than not, these thoughts have been brewing for a long time. By the time we actually talk about them, we've quite probably become comfortable with them. So, it just seems kind of stupid to even just assume these thoughts are intrusive for us.

Surely- if they really wanted to help- they should at least assess whether the person actually wants help and therefore, what they are more likely to be receptive to. Someone who doesn't believe in God likely won't get that much out of praying! Someone who thinks about suicide as a regular part of their thought process likely won't warm to statements/ treatments that treat it as some pesky periphery thought that we even want to get rid of.

But I agree- the assessment that we should see them as wrong is way off. Even my GP said- when she gave me the ineffectual anti-depressants- 'You are in quite a vulnerable situation (depressed and not much of a support system) and- it would be a shame/sad if you did something to yourself, wouldn't it?' Again though- she was kind and caring so, I didn't like to respond but I felt like saying- 'You just don't get being suicidal, do you? We want to be dead!' Maybe she saw getting anti-depressants as a sign I wanted to live but it's like- no- practicality-wise, I can't die now. It would devastate my loved ones. I'm doing this in the hopes it will get me through! It almost seemed funny though at the time.

 

[dinosavr]

Oh wow it's so relatable. Sometimes I tend to notice that I think of the time when I was the most suicidal as the "lowest" time of my life, while actually I miss it. The world keeps forcing that approach on us. But we don't have to let them. It's okay to like your thoughts. At the end of the day it doesn't hurt anyone, right?? And if their goal is for real wanting us to feel better, they should not be against it