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cheyxnn

cheyxnn

New Member
May 7, 2024
2
I wanted to know if anyone else feels like this where you just have no will to want to do anything. No ambitions, dreams, hopes, anything. I don't think I've ever had a goal of some sort and I just do what others want me to do like get good grades etc as that's what's expected so I just do it. Nothing I've done has been because Ive wanted to my whole life and so instead I just strive for what I see other people wanting; almost as if I'm cosplaying being human lol. When I try to think of the future, nothing can come to mind as I simply don't want anything. I have no interests or hobbies and honestly just feel like an empty shell of a person if that makes sense. As if I'm lacking something so fundamental that everyone else seems to have and that I just can't understand.

And this leads to the event of if I do get "better" because then what? What happens once I'm happy? I still won't have any future ambitions so will it just go back to being this loop of nothingness and ultimately lead back to how I feel now. Or maybe it will be even worse as at least now theres some hope that sometime in the future I'll be ok and can feel happy and so if I do get to that state then what? There's nothing left to do and so I may as well just cbt yknow.

And like even with happiness, I have no clue what that truly feels like. Just being content with myself. I obviously feel happy in specific moments like when something good happens but even then I'm constantly thinking "this won't last". Is this normal? This is how it's always been for me so I really want to know if anyone else feels like this haha. Oh and this is my first post so sorry if it sounds weird, I'm not very great at articulating my thoughts lol^^
 
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Throwawayacc3

Throwawayacc3

Freedom
Mar 4, 2024
1,251
I'm 35 but the doing what parents, teachers, business people told me to was really people pleasing which is due to trauma. If you couple that with autism (being very attentive and detailed to structure and patterns) it's make my life a living hell.

I've sort of checked out of everything now. I just draw, sometimes play games and go see the animals at the sanctuary.

The "happy" thing doesn't exist. Nearly everyone here that gets even to a base level of something (say a goal, relationship, etc) has it ripped away eventually. The only outlier to this would be a dog or cat or some other sentient life that you nurture and are a team. Even that's difficult because you are at the mercy of shit head people who can take away your home, your work/finances, etc - you can never be left alone.

I don't see happy/sad, etc. I see depression and content - I feel depressed most of the time and content when I give attention to the animals at the sanctuary. That's about it.
 
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Ironborn

Ironborn

Student
Jan 29, 2024
163
Been the same my entire life, only ever done anything because I had to, not because I wanted.
Even growing up I never wanted to be anything, I was just going through the motions.
 
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exzźy

exzźy

the deeper the grief, the closer is God
Apr 17, 2024
11
99% of people here feel the same as you, lost.
 
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terra.nuvo

terra.nuvo

Student
Feb 15, 2024
168
I feel similarly to you. I feel like I'm just aimlessly going through the motions at this point and I'm hoping to find some sort of direction soon. It's really hard going through life without a purpose.
 
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T

ThisGameIsOverrated

I need RCs
May 6, 2024
151
I relate because I just think constantly working towards goals is for nothing when I'll die anyways and hopefully very soon. I do sometimes delay gratification for more immediate goals but I don't have the desire to work towards things that won't benefit me until years later
 
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escape_from_hell

escape_from_hell

Experienced
Feb 22, 2024
250
I just did a bunch of school for something I realize there's no way I want to do as a career. Have had careers before. Hobbies etc.
Did a lot of travel, which actually DID use to be enjoyable. But anhedonia has taken that. Is it even anhedonia or am I just tired of it all?
You'll hear the same mantra over and over: "just keep trying, your passion's out there! it will be amaaaaaazzzzeeeee."
The only thing to do is stave off extreme spells of anxiety and depression with drugs and forcing myself food, gym, sunlight.

For me probably having loving friends and support would help a lot but I am just too much a weirdo plain and simple. Have had a few friends just cut me off and cruelly refuse to give any feedback about what is wrong with me. And today everyone has an exacting standard of what a friend should be thanks to the internet. Online friends don't really do it for me though, and it would be tough to even build that for it to evaporate even more easily than real life ones.

99% of people here feel the same as you, lost.
This is probably spot on. Wish we could help each other find motivation but we are on SaSu after all.

Hope you all find some passion, peace, or whatever you need.
 
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Illegal Preclear

Illegal Preclear

Skull Skylight Installation Specialist.
Sep 6, 2022
153
Same situation here. Schizophrenia has made it so my thoughts were never organized enough to be able to follow through with any real line of doing things. Getting good at anything, mastering a skill, having a career path. I had a mini-career path going when I was in my early-mid twenties but then late-stage Schizophrenia just completely took over. I have Autism too, and maybe if I JUST had that I could have managed, but Schizophrenia is what's made life an impossible nightmare.

Avolition and anhedonia are a constant, unrelenting factor that's ubiquitous in ever Schizophrenia sufferer. What's the point of working towards anything when the "reward center" of my brain's wires have been completely severed? I can't even experience base pleasures like a sex drive anymore.

The only GOAL I work towards now is to CTB, and I see nothing wrong with that.
 
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set0553

set0553

самоубийство
May 16, 2024
111
Its a great first post actually. Its strange for me, the only time I'm ambitious is at work, and I way overachieve at my job, to the point they're saying the place cant run without me, haha. But everything else I just don't care about or ever motivated, just continuous misanthropy, almost boredom, hard to do much of anything. Idk, I just cant feel excited by daily life..
 
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ijustwishtodie

ijustwishtodie

death will be my ultimate bliss
Oct 29, 2023
3,360
Yes, I never had a desire to do anything throughout my entire life. I never wanted to do anything and I still don't. When I was younger, people kept on asking me questions like "what job do you want to do in the future" and I always gave a fake answer because I knew it was socially unacceptable for me to say "I don't want to work". I don't understand why normies think that everybody has a dream job and a desire to work. I never did and I never will.

This is why "recovery" isn't really applicable to me because I can't recover from how I'm forced to do stuff that I don't want to do. I think that having no desires on its own is okay for me but the issue lies in the fact that, despite me having no desires, I'm forced to work and be productive. If I could just rot in my room all day without having to worry about work, I'd feel much more satisfied. Unfortunately, this is impossible for me to achieve because of society.

I hope I can ctb as early as possible to save myself from having to work
 
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