penguinl0v3s
Wait for Me đź’™
- Nov 1, 2023
- 973
I take 4 hours to complete what other people would complete in 1 hour. My entire life is wasted sitting in front of a desk and doing things that I hate to get a job to sustain my living. My coworkers and family and some friends all tell me that I could become a doctor or a lawyer or a engineer, but I know that I was always infinitely far away from that becoming a reality because I spend my entire life doing nothing and yet feel super exhausted all the time. I just tell people I'm lazy and am giving that up and they judge me for being so pathetic, but the reality is that I'm working harder than anyone just to get less results.
I've already tried blocking out distractions and this is successful but what happens is that I get distracted by my own thoughts even if I'm not doing anything, and they're not even like interesting thoughts just ultra depressing thoughts about how wrong my life has gone.
It's clear and apparent to my close circle that I suffer from all the traits of ADHD, including my medical professionals. But they don't have the oversight to diagnosis me, so I just have to deal with it unmedicated (I tried meds before but it didn't work because they exacerbate my other health condition and I don't have access to better meds). I can't get diagnosed because my insurance doesn't cover the cost of diagnosis. A diagnosis costs four figures and the wait list is a whole year out. I'm so desperate for proper treatment, but the government is making medication more difficult to access than ever too and maybe I'll die from my ADHD (I've never heard of people killing themselves over ADHD, idk am I just more pathetic than other people and cope worse?). It took me a decade to get treated for my debilitating physical condition because doctors didn't believe girls could be sick.
I already broke "my don't break down crying from school/work" streak after less than 2 weeks of school starting again :/ I'm so pathetic that I can't deal with the basic responsibilities that everyone else in the world does.
And also people hate me before the first interaction because of autism lol. But if I complained about that, the post would be too long.
Advice or support are both appreciated.
I've already tried blocking out distractions and this is successful but what happens is that I get distracted by my own thoughts even if I'm not doing anything, and they're not even like interesting thoughts just ultra depressing thoughts about how wrong my life has gone.
It's clear and apparent to my close circle that I suffer from all the traits of ADHD, including my medical professionals. But they don't have the oversight to diagnosis me, so I just have to deal with it unmedicated (I tried meds before but it didn't work because they exacerbate my other health condition and I don't have access to better meds). I can't get diagnosed because my insurance doesn't cover the cost of diagnosis. A diagnosis costs four figures and the wait list is a whole year out. I'm so desperate for proper treatment, but the government is making medication more difficult to access than ever too and maybe I'll die from my ADHD (I've never heard of people killing themselves over ADHD, idk am I just more pathetic than other people and cope worse?). It took me a decade to get treated for my debilitating physical condition because doctors didn't believe girls could be sick.
I already broke "my don't break down crying from school/work" streak after less than 2 weeks of school starting again :/ I'm so pathetic that I can't deal with the basic responsibilities that everyone else in the world does.
And also people hate me before the first interaction because of autism lol. But if I complained about that, the post would be too long.
Advice or support are both appreciated.
