Onomatopoeia
Student
- Feb 17, 2024
- 172
Today has been the most real day in this CTB journey. I closed our bank accounts and set up small trusts for our nieces and nephews when they turn 18. It's not much, but something. They won't even know until they reach 18. And if they don't reach 18, it goes to their parents. I paid my electric bill for the next six months so my lights will stay on in the house so nobody will suspect I'm dead in the garage. The thermostat will be at a neutral 68 degrees Fahrenheit so I don't stink through the garage door. I stopped receiving mail at home months ago, so mail won't pile up and look suspicious. I prepaid a landscaping company to mow our lawn once so it doesn't get all crazy-looking. There are a few more things to take care of. But now it seems real.
I'm both nervous and scared that I might fail, even though I've read everything about SCUBA CTB, then read it again 10+ times. I'm excited because I won't have to wake up ever again in this world. I'm scared of the unknown. I'm scared for some of my former students, who were traumatized when my husband, who was their football coach and science teacher, was suddenly deceased. Now 18 months later, I'll be deceased. I'm nervous about how long it will take for someone to discover my dead body. I want to be there for months, so I'm a skeleton.
I guess I'm mostly scared. But I know this is what's best for me.
I'm both nervous and scared that I might fail, even though I've read everything about SCUBA CTB, then read it again 10+ times. I'm excited because I won't have to wake up ever again in this world. I'm scared of the unknown. I'm scared for some of my former students, who were traumatized when my husband, who was their football coach and science teacher, was suddenly deceased. Now 18 months later, I'll be deceased. I'm nervous about how long it will take for someone to discover my dead body. I want to be there for months, so I'm a skeleton.
I guess I'm mostly scared. But I know this is what's best for me.