controlledchaos420

controlledchaos420

Member
Jun 14, 2023
12
Hello. My name is Roe (not really, shortened from my real name), and I live in the United States. I live with my mother, father, and three brothers. I am looking for a way for me to ctb overnight, where nobody sees. I have been reading through some threads here already, and I saw some that I might try, but I'm just looking for more ideas.

I don't have many friends, and I'm getting bullied on the daily. When I see somebody, I feel jealously. Even if they are younger than me, I still want to be them and have their life, their friends. I try my absolute best to get through every day, but honestly, the only thing that makes me want to wake up every day is the internet. I have fun drawing animals and furries. It's kinda sad, but that's really it. Even if it's all I want to do now, my motivation to do it burns out so fast. I have no want or need to go on. I have been sexually assaulted, groomed, manipulated, and bullied all in the last week, some going on longer than that.

I can't even look myself in the mirror without feeling disgusted and overwhelmed, wanting to cut out all of my fat or claw out my eyes so I never have to see anything of myself ever again. I can't do anything without being looked at sideways or spoken about behind my back. I can't do this anymore, I really can't. I'm unsatisfied with myself. My looks, my voice, my personality, and the war I'm trying so hard to win in my head. I'm tired of feeling like this but I know that I always will feel it. I only have 25 dollars to my name. What can I purchase? I can't do anything with prescriptions. All that is in the house is ibeprophen, sertraline, and adderall. Could somebody send something to my address to assist me? I don't know what to do anymore.

It's really hard for me to talk about what's going on but I am making this post as an attempt to reach out for the help I need, getting methods to finally catch my long awaited bus.
 
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FuneralCry

FuneralCry

Just wanting some peace
Sep 24, 2020
38,920
Sadly suicide just isn't straightforward in this world and any otc medication isn't recommended for ctb, if people were able to ctb in such a way then the medication would just get restricted as this society is so incredibly anti-suicide. There's information about methods listed in the suicide resource compilation, I wish you the best with your plans, it sounds really tiring and awful what you've been through and I hate how it's so difficult to leave, suicide really should be easier, if there was a straightforward way I would had left awhile ago.
 
controlledchaos420

controlledchaos420

Member
Jun 14, 2023
12
Sadly suicide just isn't straightforward in this world and any otc medication isn't recommended for ctb, if people were able to ctb in such a way then the medication would just get restricted as this society is so incredibly anti-suicide. There's information about methods listed in the suicide resource compilation, I wish you the best with your plans, it sounds really tiring and awful what you've been through and I hate how it's so difficult to leave, suicide really should be easier, if there was a straightforward way I would had left awhile ago.
I really appreciate your kind words; I'm new here so I don't know where much things are, but thank you for helping me <3
 
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90starve

90starve

i don’t know who i am
May 8, 2023
578
you can read through this thread, if you haven't already:

it's full of very useful resources.

 
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controlledchaos420

controlledchaos420

Member
Jun 14, 2023
12
you can read through this thread, if you haven't already:

it's full of very useful resources.

Thank you! I was just looking for it, I really appreciate you.
 
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Shirokuma

Shirokuma

Member
Feb 11, 2023
35
If you have any probability or prospects for a better future. Any desire or dream to be able to feel the possibility of an enjoyable life.
If whatever pain you're in can be remedied, or you can go on longer and endure for a change to your circumstance, then take it. If there is some way you can con-cordially accept and find satisfaction, win or abandon that war you feel, then I think you should try. If you can fix whats been broken.
If not, I hope whatever events were to happen to you would set you some ease.
You seem to be younger and sweet, and you've only just begun to interact with this sort of site.
For me, contemplating death is exhausting. I'm realising that it goes beyond any temporary measure to a situational problem. It feels more like it will be at the core of myself. That it's not just some answer, its my own entirety of an answer. It is my satisfaction, or lack thereof.
 
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fay13

fay13

Member
Nov 14, 2021
81
i read your whole post and it truly made me sad , i honestly understand how you feel and i hope you find peace and comfort that you desire , just one thing i wanted to talk to you about


where im from methods here are limited , i always think to my mind "if only i was american , i could walk to a gun store , buy a gun and shoot myself" is what im thinking true? im pretty sure there are states that don't require a gun licence only an ID ? , aren't pistols very cheap? , im sorry if this sounds stupid , it's just what i've been finding on the internet


remeber the scene from Downfall where hitler shoots himself? he used a small pistol and put it in his mouth , that scene always stuck to my head "man if only i had a gun"
is what im thinking real or far from reality?

i have a speech disorder and im schizo so sorry if my writngs isn't clear


i wish you peace and a clear mind , good luck my friend <3
 
Last edited:
controlledchaos420

controlledchaos420

Member
Jun 14, 2023
12
i read your whole post and it truly made me sad , i honestly understand how you feel and i hope you find peace and comfort that you desire , just one thing i wanted to talk to you about


where im from methods here are limited , i always think to my mind "if only i was american , i could walk to a gun store , buy a gun and shoot myself" is what im thinking true? im pretty sure there are states that don't require a gun licence only an ID ? , aren't pistols very cheap? , im sorry if this sounds stupid , it's just what i've been finding on the internet

i wish you peace and a clear mind , good luck my friend <3
I wish the same for you, my friend. I would go to get a gun but I'm sure my anxiety wouldn't allow me to do that.

I will be doing the night-night method once I get the little sack bags. I have the tree things already, so I'm half way there.
----
For everybody else who commented and saw this thread, thank you for helping me out. I know what I'm gonna do. I'll buy the bags when I can. Just after July, because that's ArtFight and I'm just really excited to draw for other people, haha. After that, I'll see to catching my bus. Thank you, to everybody here. I wish the best for all of you. đź’›
 
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