Venting Need to let it out ¦ rant

[Qua]

I feel so absolutely terrible like every single day is a misery. I was born into one family that was fucked up and fucksd up my mental health then my mom and me started a new family with a different guy and it's the same if not worse literally my whole life has been a mess has been fucking me up has been destroying me inside out I can't take this anymore I don't even care about my mother's feelings now if I hurt myself. I came back to cutting after 5 months of being clean, I came back to hitting punching myself after like 1 year of being clean and I feel like absolute shit also because I can't cut "properly" like I'm scared of this for some reason. Rn I'm sitting outside with my dog it's 9pm and I either won't come back until they call me back of some shit cut I'm so done I swear I wanna disappear I wanna die I want to feel physically bad so I don't feel mentally bad. I plan on not sleeping the whole night so I exhaust myself I'm so done I can't I started abusing calming meds to drug myself cuz then I don't feel anything anymore and I know it's bad but what else am I supposed to fucking do

 

[remluvr]

I'm so sorry you're going through this :/ I hope you can find peace somehow.

 

[Traveller12724]

I feel so absolutely terrible like every single day is a misery. I was born into one family that was fucked up and fucksd up my mental health then my mom and me started a new family with a different guy and it's the same if not worse literally my whole life has been a mess has been fucking me up has been destroying me inside out I can't take this anymore I don't even care about my mother's feelings now if I hurt myself. I came back to cutting after 5 months of being clean, I came back to hitting punching myself after like 1 year of being clean and I feel like absolute shit also because I can't cut "properly" like I'm scared of this for some reason. Rn I'm sitting outside with my dog it's 9pm and I either won't come back until they call me back of some shit cut I'm so done I swear I wanna disappear I wanna die I want to feel psychically bad so I don't feel mentally bad. I plan on not sleeping the whole night so I exhaust myself I'm so done I can't I started abusing calming meds to drug myself cuz then I don't feel anything anymore and I know it's bad but what else am I supposed to fucking do

If you wanna use physical suffering to numb mental pain, why not channel that anger and energy into endurance sport, that's what I do, I run a lot of miles to physically exhaust myself so I don't feel anything mentally. Anyway I thought I would share that but I am sorry about the fucked up situation that you were born into.

 

[Daryl72]

I'm so sorry you're going through this :/ I hope you can find peace somehow.

Yes, I hope you can find peace as well

 

[Qua]

If you wanna use physical suffering to numb mental pain, why not channel that anger and energy into endurance sport, that's what I do, I run a lot of miles to physically exhaust myself so I don't feel anything mentally.

Thank you a lot for the idea, but the thing is when such feeling hits I have no strength to do anything productive. I enjoy dancing tho, might try that more often

 

[Traveller12724]

Thank you a lot for the idea, but the thing is when such feeling hits I have no strength to do anything productive. I enjoy dancing tho, might try that more often

The trick I have found is that if I wait for those feelings to hit, I have no energy as well, so that's why I do it as a routine every morning so I am exhausted physically by the time those feelings are more likely to hit, it ends up being a preventative measure rather a coping mechanism