Venting Need some support, I guess

[struggles_inc]

Just can't deal with this bullshit anymore. I'm not planning to CTB, just done.

People come to me with when's and what's.
"When's the product arriving? When's the deadline for this project? When's the campaign starting? What are we gonna do?"
I'm a CEO, a student, a partner. I know it's normal in my position to make many decisions, but holy fucking hell. Do I look like a wise guy to anyone?

The questions start the moment I open my eyes. Someone sees me online or irl and instantly load me with questions, no cushioning. Most days I wake up and someone already sent me a wall of text, because they didn't bother with working hours and sent it while I was sleeping.

But I'm not being the smart one just in business, constantly producing ideas and proving how they could work. Same thing goes on at home. With my family and my partner, who also rely on me for heavy decision-making.

This is also emotional. People unload their emotions on me whenever they want. Sad, sick, puppy died, whatever — I'm the one who will know about it. And I'm also expected to react like a mature person. Calm, steady, reliable. The moment I blow up is the moment I am left completely alone with no one wanting to deal with my feelings.

I guess that's why I'm writing it. I really want someone to tell me I'm not going insane.

 

[guapogato]

you're not going insane, you're in a lot of positions in life that make people immediately think "they know everything" or that you're invincible. It sucks. you're not given the room to act like everyone else can when they're having their moment. eventually having to bottle up makes you either implode or explode :o(

 

[struggles_inc]

you're not going insane, you're in a lot of positions in life that make people immediately think "they know everything" or that you're invincible. It sucks. you're not given the room to act like everyone else can when they're having their moment. eventually having to bottle up makes you either implode or explode :o(

Thank you so much for talking to me. I honestly feel like both exploding and imploding. I wake up and it's just demands from colleagues and clients and emotional needs from everyone else.

I befriended a girl with autism recently. All she does is burn me with words and then explain herself with how her brain is wired neurodivergent. Stopped talking to her and she never approached me again.

People just expect me to take it and keep my composure.

 

[gunmetalblue11]

I really want someone to tell me I'm not going insane.

You are not going insane.
I kind of related to what you are going through, had similar issues some years back when I was shouldering the responsibility of accumulated jobs and the emotional and financial needs of people in my home. I remember I'd wake up and as soon as someone locked eyes on me it was like you described "this needs to be done, but also this, oh and don't forget this-" then I'd work sometimes up to 18 hours a day and come home to "This person did this/that, I need you to help regulate me, did you forget to do this/that you don't care about my feelings?"
It's a lot to handle on the daily. I feel for you. I hope you manage somehow to find some equilibrium amongst everything and set some boundaries with those people who offload emotionally on you in moments when you are not in the mental state to wanting to handle it.

 

[struggles_inc]

You are not going insane.
I kind of related to what you are going through, had similar issues some years back when I was shouldering the responsibility of accumulated jobs and the emotional and financial needs of people in my home. I remember I'd wake up and as soon as someone locked eyes on me it was like you described "this needs to be done, but also this, oh and don't forget this-" then I'd work sometimes up to 18 hours a day and come home to "This person did this/that, I need you to help regulate me, did you forget to do this/that you don't care about my feelings?"
It's a lot to handle on the daily. I feel for you. I hope you manage somehow to find some equilibrium amongst everything and set some boundaries with those people who offload emotionally on you in moments when you are not in the mental state to wanting to handle it.

Yeah, that's exactly it. I used to work those hours a couple months ago when my company was handing an unusually big project.

Boundaries didn't help in the way I set them. People at work started going around my assistant, the poor girl was so upset my heart almost broke lol. I had to remind people that reports go to her table first.
I set working hours and people kept texting me at night — of course, I ignored, but it never stopped others from bothering me during my rest.

Somehow people believe in their complete access to me at all times.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I've not been in as responsible role as you but, I've done head of department jobs. The worry used to descend like a giant cloud the moment I woke up- whether that be 7am or 3am. It was a horrible period of my life.

Maybe it's impossible but, could you find someone to delegate more stuff to? At least at work. As the CEO, could you maybe hire another PA to shoulder some of the questions?

But, it's totally understandable you feel overwhelmed.

 

[struggles_inc]

I've not been in as responsible role as you but, I've done head of department jobs. The worry used to descend like a giant cloud the moment I woke up- whether that be 7am or 3am. It was a horrible period of my life.

Maybe it's impossible but, could you find someone to delegate more stuff to? At least at work. As the CEO, could you maybe hire another PA to shoulder some of the questions?

But, it's totally understandable you feel overwhelmed.

I have an assistant. A wonderful young woman who's really always there even when I'm very angry at everyone. The problem is that people keep trying to go around her.

 

[guapogato]

Thank you so much for talking to me. I honestly feel like both exploding and imploding. I wake up and it's just demands from colleagues and clients and emotional needs from everyone else.

I befriended a girl with autism recently. All she does is burn me with words and then explain herself with how her brain is wired neurodivergent. Stopped talking to her and she never approached me again.

People just expect me to take it and keep my composure.

people can keep their composure for only so long. insanity is people not putting out as much effort as you do for them. the girl you befriended sounds like how a lot of people (especially now) tend to just burn and run with excuses, mostly mental. whether there's validity to them or not, that hurts. it's those patterns that hurt the most, especially after you've reached out and asked for kindness or help before
all that is to say, sometimes you have to lose your shit to be heard. I can't recommend it but there is catharsis in it. nothing like being on your most isolated or angry behavior to know which people will nut up or shut up haha. edit: I saw you mentioned an assistant who sticks around during those times. that's definitely the kind of person you hope for in those moments.

 

[struggles_inc]

people can keep their composure for only so long. insanity is people not putting out as much effort as you do for them. the girl you befriended sounds like how a lot of people (especially now) tend to just burn and run with excuses, mostly mental. whether there's validity to them or not, that hurts. it's those patterns that hurt the most, especially after you've reached out and asked for kindness or help before
all that is to say, sometimes you have to lose your shit to be heard. I can't recommend it but there is catharsis in it. nothing like being on your most isolated or angry behavior to know which people will nut up or shut up haha.

I've lost my shit a few times. Once in front of the team, very recently, when I noticed on total accident that something our media department posted was outright illegal and would put us at risk. I think it was the first time I screamed at someone at my workplace. I remember yelling on top of my lungs how fucking done I am that they do not assess the risks themselves and I'm the only one thinking in this terms.

Everyone went silent for a few days. I felt like the biggest jackass. Worst days of my work so far.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I have an assistant. A wonderful young woman who's really always there even when I'm very angry at everyone. The problem is that people keep trying to go around her.

Hmm, that's tricky- and a bit naughty- if they know they shouldn't. Could you email back CCing your assistant in saying- Thanks for the message. I'm handing this over to ___ to respond to. Please could you address future similar queries to them? If you do it repetedly, people will hopefully begin to take the hint.

Do they know who they should be contacting for what? I found that could sometimes be an issue. People weren't always clear on their own job roles or, who they should go to for what. So inevitably- some people got landed with work and enquiries they weren't employed to deal with. It felt like more of a sneaky tactic with some of the firms I worked for though to be honest. When job roles aren't clearly defined, you can end up doing more than one person's job!

Ages ago, I was responding to group emails about a project. The CEO included. They responded to say that someone else in the team would be dealing with it and, getting feedback to me but- if I still had questions- it was fine to still come to them. I don't think I was really expecting the response from them in the first place. It was a group email. But still- he worded it really well to say: Someone else should be dealing with this but- you can still approach me if that fails. I think you can draw boundaries while still remaining friendly.

People need to be made aware that there's a chain of command as it were- that they should be going through initially but, it's good to have an accessible boss. One company I worked for, my colleague there had been there 9 years without ever even meeting our boss!

I guess the behaviour has to be consistent though. So- consistently forward emails on that shouldn't be landing on your desk.

I'm also guilty of answering stuff out of hours. I try not to send things out of hours where I can. But, it works me up more to know I have an unread message than to just find out what it's about. To an extent though- I think we make a rod for our own backs. Both my Dad and people I've worked with were far better at protecting their own time. The issue I found is when you can't get the work done without it eating into your own time.

It must be hard as a CEO though. You want to appear like you really care about the company and, I'm sure you do. But, you need to take care of yourself too, otherwise- you'll risk a breakdown/ burnout and then, everyone will suffer.

 

[struggles_inc]

Hmm, that's tricky- and a bit naughty- if they know they shouldn't. Could you email back CCing your assistant in saying- Thanks for the message. I'm handing this over to ___ to respond to. Please could you address future similar queries to them? If you do it repetedly, people will hopefully begin to take the hint.

Do they know who they should be contacting for what? I found that could sometimes be an issue. People weren't always clear on their own job roles or, who they should go to for what. So inevitably- some people got landed with work and enquiries they weren't employed to deal with. It felt like more of a sneaky tactic with some of the firms I worked for though to be honest. When job roles aren't clearly defined, you can end up doing more than one person's job!

Ages ago, I was responding to group emails about a project. The CEO included. They responded to say that someone else in the team would be dealing with it and, getting feedback to me but- if I still had questions- it was fine to still come to them. I don't think I was really expecting the response from them in the first place. It was a group email. But still- he worded it really well to say: Someone else should be dealing with this but- you can still approach me if that fails. I think you can draw boundaries while still remaining friendly.

People need to be made aware that there's a chain of command as it were- that they should be going through initially but, it's good to have an accessible boss. One company I worked for, my colleague there had been there 9 years without ever even meeting our boss!

I guess the behaviour has to be consistent though. So- consistently forward emails on that shouldn't be landing on your desk.

I'm also guilty of answering stuff out of hours. I try not to send things out of hours where I can. But, it works me up more to know I have an unread message than to just find out what it's about. To an extent though- I think we make a rod for our own backs. Both my Dad and people I've worked with were far better at protecting their own time. The issue I found is when you can't get the work done without it eating into your own time.

It must be hard as a CEO though. You want to appear like you really care about the company and, I'm sure you do. But, you need to take care of yourself too, otherwise- you'll risk a breakdown/ burnout and then, everyone will suffer.

Have been doing that for some time, and I think there are certain results. But I might be confusing order with fear, because of a recent incident (I explained it in my message above) after which people started addressing my assistant more, in case I am angry. If it's fear, it's going to bite me in the ass later when people stop talking to me altogether.

Anyway… yeah. Corporate stuff sucks. Being a boss is a fucking nightmare.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Have been doing that for some time, and I think there are certain results. But I might be confusing order with fear, because of a recent incident (I explained it in my message above) after which people started addressing my assistant more, in case I am angry. If it's fear, it's going to bite me in the ass later when people stop talking to me altogether.

Anyway… yeah. Corporate stuff sucks. Being a boss is a fucking nightmare.

I had a boss lose it with the team once. He apologized afterwards. Admitted he could be an arsehole sometimes! Lol. I'm not sure it's always bad to show a bit of grit. We were all aware not to make the same mistake again! Probably depends on how often it happens but obviously, it's not ideal. A frigtened workforce may become resentful and feel less loyalty.

You could make some form of apology while emphasizing that certain things put the whole company at risk. Even just underlining the fact that you need to be focussed on certain things so- it would really help if certain email enquiries went to other people.

Maybe it's better to be aware though, that a boss is under pressure and about to snap- so to try to support them before they actually do!

I wasn't the greatest middle management boss. Stress/ office politics used to really get to me. I admire people who are able to deal with all that and still maintain a friendly, accessible, confident front. It's got to be even harder when it's your own company.