Need some support from people who understand psychosis/mania

[its-about-time]

Things are kind of going in a weird direction and I could just use some input. It's a long story but I have reason to strongly suspect that my sudden commitment to ctb and everything that's happened since then (ordering SN, writing notes, etc) is result of demon influence. Long story. But it started back about a week ago and things are starting to certainly take a weird turn. The world has no meaning and I feel like a rain jacket where the water just rolls off. I saw reaper figures the other day and I knew they were there because I was going to die soon. But what or who is making me think this? It was a dramatic turn of plans. Everything feels amazing and exciting and I'm really not unhappy, just hell bent on ending my life, and that's okay with me… but only if it's me. If it's a recurrence of demons haunting me, then I need help and don't want to be their victim.

After my attempt in November I struggled with demon presences in my house and it was really scary. I thought I solved the issue. But it might be back. It's a long story. I stopped meds in December and it's possible it's just my brain playing tricks. I just don't know. I know I don't feel like myself. I don't know how to figure out what's happening. If I tell my therapist what I've done I'll likely go back to the hospital and I don't want that. If it's me who wants to die I won't tell her. If it's demons infiltrating my mind and trying to make me die then I have to tell her. What should I do?? It's all very confusing, I have a history of this kind of thing but I don't know that I even believe what the doctors have always said, like what would they know, they're just people. I'm in a pickle.

 

[Cathy Ames]

That's scary, and I have no idea how to answer the question. I just wanted to let you know that I'm here reading this and would like to support you. I just don't know how.

 

[its-about-time]

That's scary, and I have no idea how to answer the question. I just wanted to let you know that I'm here reading this and would like to support you. I just don't know how.

Thanks the only person I can talk to is my therapist but if there's no outside influence then my plan will be 100% compromised and I'll end up back in the hospital, I'd rather be dead than back there so soon. So I can't talk to her until I know what's happening I just don't know what to do about any of this

 

[Cathy Ames]

Thanks the only person I can talk to is my therapist but if there's no outside influence then my plan will be 100% compromised and I'll end up back in the hospital, I'd rather be dead than back there so soon. So I can't talk to her until I know what's happening I just don't know what to do about any of this

I hope there will be someone here who does understand psychosis/mania and can help you figure it out. I definitely do NOT think you should do things do to demon influence, though... especially CTB. What did you do to resolve the demon presence in November?

 

[Sm42]

I am somehow in a similar situation but I felt my body already dissapeared an now all I hear is kill the dog but in a very wird way as my tongue is the brain , the teeth in was remains of my spine....my life is a hard core horror film and I used to be totally normal and not unhappy at all.
Now I am preparing ctb for next month because I still don't have all the meds .
I just hope that when I die I can go back to my real soul.
I understand you extremely well.

 

[its-about-time]

I hope there will be someone here who does understand psychosis/mania and can help you figure it out. I definitely do NOT think you should do things do to demon influence, though... especially CTB. What did you do to resolve the demon presence in November?

I tried to ctb in November and when I got home from the hospital there was a demon, I was terrified until the end of January some friends helped me do rituals to get them out and things got better, but I unwittingly reversed some of those things last week and I heard glass shattering, and that very night I became highly suicidal and it's been my obsession since then.. I don't want to tell those friends because if it's not a demon then I'm just giving away my plans to ctb

I am somehow in a similar situation but I felt my body already dissapeared an now all I hear is kill the dog but in a very wird way as my tongue is the brain , the teeth in was remains of my spine....my life is a hard core horror film and I used to be totally normal and not unhappy at all.
Now I am preparing ctb for next month because I still don't have all the meds .
I just hope that when I die I can go back to my real soul.
I understand you extremely well.

Hugs hugs hugs hugs

 

[710]

Things are kind of going in a weird direction and I could just use some input. It's a long story but I have reason to strongly suspect that my sudden commitment to ctb and everything that's happened since then (ordering SN, writing notes, etc) is result of demon influence. Long story. But it started back about a week ago and things are starting to certainly take a weird turn. The world has no meaning and I feel like a rain jacket where the water just rolls off. I saw reaper figures the other day and I knew they were there because I was going to die soon. But what or who is making me think this? It was a dramatic turn of plans. Everything feels amazing and exciting and I'm really not unhappy, just hell bent on ending my life, and that's okay with me… but only if it's me. If it's a recurrence of demons haunting me, then I need help and don't want to be their victim.

After my attempt in November I struggled with demon presences in my house and it was really scary. I thought I solved the issue. But it might be back. It's a long story. I stopped meds in December and it's possible it's just my brain playing tricks. I just don't know. I know I don't feel like myself. I don't know how to figure out what's happening. If I tell my therapist what I've done I'll likely go back to the hospital and I don't want that. If it's me who wants to die I won't tell her. If it's demons infiltrating my mind and trying to make me die then I have to tell her. What should I do?? It's all very confusing, I have a history of this kind of thing but I don't know that I even believe what the doctors have always said, like what would they know, they're just people. I'm in a pickle.

I wish I knew of something to say that would help you, however, I think you need more assistance than what could be provided in an online forum. Maybe you could reconsider talking with your therapist.

 

[indigomoon]

That sounds really scary and confusing to me. If it was me, I would restart my medications and see what happens. I don't know what kind you are on or for what but they may actually help. You may be having visual hallucinations.

 

[its-about-time]

I wish I knew of something to say that would help you, however, I think you need more assistance than what could be provided in an online forum. Maybe you could reconsider talking with your therapist.

I normally tell my therapist this stuff but if I'm going to kill myself I can't tell her, but if I'm being manipulated to kill myself I have to tell her, it's a stalemate there's no way to know what's really going on here

 

[Tesha]

Trying to be gentle, but it really sounds like you're not very well. Talk to your therapist, who I'm presuming knows how you normally present. They may be able to help without you going into hospital.

It sounds like a really horrible thing you're going through… I hope you find a peaceful outcome.

 

[Shu]

Saturn.
Follow your intuition and trust your spirit.

 

[us_1999]

I normally tell my therapist this stuff but if I'm going to kill myself I can't tell her, but if I'm being manipulated to kill myself I have to tell her, it's a stalemate there's no way to know what's really going on here

Do you have good relationship with your therapist? Does it usually feel good after talking to her? If so you might discuss this with her. Talking frankly might help you figure out if that's you or the demon wanting to kill yourself. You can tell your therapist that you're still in a state of confusion, hesitation, and you haven't made up your mind to ctb. If you don't trust her much you can emphasis that the suicidal thoughts are just ideations that troubles you, not plans. Just talk in a hypothetical way, I guess that would be fine...?

 

[BigG91]

Hey hi , I have experienced psychosis many times and I can tell you that you need to talk to your psychiatrist regarding what you are feeling first.

 

[its-about-time]

Do you have good relationship with your therapist? Does it usually feel good after talking to her? If so you might discuss this with her. Talking frankly might help you figure out if that's you or the demon wanting to kill yourself. You can tell your therapist that you're still in a state of confusion, hesitation, and you haven't made up your mind to ctb. If you don't trust her much you can emphasis that the suicidal thoughts are just ideations that troubles you, not plans. Just talk in a hypothetical way, I guess that would be fine...?

I like that idea I could try to find a way to tell her things without how far I've come in planning and preparing… I'm concerned she will see right through me, I'm generally very specific and she will be concerned by my vagueness but I'm not sure that's a good enough reason to break confidentiality so I may be safe

Hey hi , I have experienced psychosis many times and I can tell you that you need to talk to your psychiatrist regarding what you are feeling first.

It just is so melded together, it might not even matter. If you're mind is manipulated, you might care, but what if your mind has been manipulated specifically to not care? Why act?

 

[anonperson]

If it is a demonic presence then try water fasting for as long as you can and see if that helps. Water fasting, as hard as it can be, is the only thing that has helped me release demons that i let in and were tormenting my mind. It's also the only thing I have found to help assuage my mind and conscience for events I feel overwhelming guilt and shame for - it is a form of penance.

 

[sleepyghost]

I'm really glad you're suspicious, I feel like this is a weird situation. The urge and desire to CTB shouldn't be so quick and dramatic, so if you're second guessing it- thats definitely a sign something isn't right and you probably shouldn't proceed at this time.
If I were in your shoes, I would do the following:
1. See if your friends can help you do another ritual and/or partner with someone with experience in these types of things
2. Discuss the demons with your therapist, it may be a good idea to go on antipsychotics for a bit, to
A. make sure the demons are real and not a product of psychosis
B. if the demons are real, they may find you to be an "easy target" when you are unmedicated as mind is more malleable

Feel free to reach out if you need someone to talk to.

 

[its-about-time]

I'm really glad you're suspicious, I feel like this is a weird situation. The urge and desire to CTB shouldn't be so quick and dramatic, so if you're second guessing it- thats definitely a sign something isn't right and you probably shouldn't proceed at this time.
If I were in your shoes, I would do the following:
1. See if your friends can help you do another ritual and/or partner with someone with experience in these types of things
2. Discuss the demons with your therapist, it may be a good idea to go on antipsychotics for a bit, to
A. make sure the demons are real and not a product of psychosis
B. if the demons are real, they may find you to be an "easy target" when you are unmedicated as mind is more malleable

Feel free to reach out if you need someone to talk to.

Hey, thanks. I see my therapist tomorrow and I still have no clue what to do but I will consider this game plan. The meds I quit in December were anti psychotics. There are many questions that can't really be answered. I will feel like a failure going back on meds. I've been so dedicated to not taking them. I will keep planning on how to discuss the recurrence of demons with my therapist tomorrow… I appreciate you.

 

[ThriveOrDie]

I had an experience with demons. Long story, don't want the details on a public forum. I tried all kinds of rituals and blessings to get rid of them. Eventually I almost became possessed and as I felt them taking over my mind the Holy Ghost told me to thank God. So I did and they immediately went away. I have never had an issue with them again. I try to say thank you and it is really hard sometimes to be thankful but I find even something trivial to be thankful for on a regular basis.

 

[its-about-time]

I had an experience with demons. Long story, don't want the details on a public forum. I tried all kinds of rituals and blessings to get rid of them. Eventually I almost became possessed and as I felt them taking over my mind the Holy Ghost told me to thank God. So I did and they immediately went away. I have never had an issue with them again. I try to say thank you and it is really hard sometimes to be thankful but I find even something trivial to be thankful for on a regular basis.

The biggest part of what got the entities out of here was making a witch's bottle, a glass bottle that traps them and is buried not far from my house, but the other night I was so scared and I heard glass shattering and just knew it was the bottle, I've been too scared to go look, if it's the bottle then all hell is about to break loose. I never believed in demons. I guess I did. Ghosts and stuff. But not my experience. Really I guess. I saw shadow people for years but not demons. When I tried to kill myself I attracted a demon. And I guess it's still here, trying to kill me.

 

[lili]

I've gone through psychotic mania as well but because of bipolar disorder. I have seen another person that at first appears in mirrors, then controls my dreams and never lets me wake up.

It's like someone else wants to take over my body.

But when I see things or hallucinate I let them linger, and i try to accept them in my life. But when another entity is trying to control you it's difficult. Thanks for speaking about it here.

Do you have someone to be with while you talk to your therapist? Whenever I get like this it helps to not be alone with the entities. For me they are less likely to appear when others are around to ground me in reality. Because in my case the being appears whenever I get caught alone.

 

[its-about-time]

I've gone through psychotic mania as well but because of bipolar disorder. I have seen another person that at first appears in mirrors, then controls my dreams and never lets me wake up.

It's like someone else wants to take over my body.

But when I see things or hallucinate I let them linger, and i try to accept them in my life. But when another entity is trying to control you it's difficult. Thanks for speaking about it here.

Do you have someone to be with while you talk to your therapist? Whenever I get like this it helps to not be alone with the entities. For me they are less likely to appear when others are around to ground me in reality. Because in my case the being appears whenever I get caught alone.

I feel you. It lives in my trailer and prowls outside. I had kicked it outside but it's come back in and is being sneaky. It's not talking to me like it did in January. It's just manipulating my thoughts and mood. When I leave here I feel somewhat better. It's just here. And I spend all my time here. Yet I don't want to kick it out. I think it doesn't want me to kick it out and that's why it's making me think that. Does that make sense?

 

[BrokenBliss]

Why did you feel like you needed to be off the meds? When something is askew in our biology, it is not a failure to help ourselves with medication.

 

[its-about-time]

Why did you feel like you needed to be off the meds? When something is askew in our biology, it is not a failure to help ourselves with medication.

There's a massive unknown out there, I've accessed parts of it and been accessed by it, medication makes them ignore you and then you're just a person. I believe I'm more than that. Medication takes away so much. It would make me sound crazy to describe it. But I'm not just a person. I can't be. I don't want to be on them again. I just can't be. It's so hard, you wouldn't believe, every day denying my purpose. It kills me. It's worse than this. I've been on and off them many times. The times I'm on them I despise myself.

 

[BrokenBliss]

I'm so sorry. Do you find your therapist to be supportive? Do they understand what you're telling me about your purpose?
How do you assess the demons' presence?

 

[its-about-time]

I'm so sorry. Do you find your therapist to be supportive? Do they understand what you're telling me about your purpose?
How do you assess the demons' presence?

I don't really know. I feel like a weekly episode of tv for her. She wants me back on meds but she knows very well where I stand. In the past it was obvious there were bad things in my trailer. They'd talk and touch me and the atmosphere was scary. Now if they're here they're being sneaky so I don't detect them and kill myself. But there were reapers and that means 1 death is near and 2 spirits can get into my trailer again, it's suspicious because it started very abruptly, I wasnt very suicidal and was just in a bad mood for several months, very suddenly all I can think about is ctb and I'm in an amazing mood and energetic and social, that's not like me at all, it's suspicious to me that would start at the same time the reapers came in… no real telling

 

[BrokenBliss]

I don't really know. I feel like a weekly episode of tv for her. She wants me back on meds but she knows very well where I stand. In the past it was obvious there were bad things in my trailer. They'd talk and touch me and the atmosphere was scary. Now if they're here they're being sneaky so I don't detect them and kill myself. But there were reapers and that means 1 death is near and 2 spirits can get into my trailer again, it's suspicious because it started very abruptly, I wasnt very suicidal and was just in a bad mood for several months, very suddenly all I can think about is ctb and I'm in an amazing mood and energetic and social, that's not like me at all, it's suspicious to me that would start at the same time the reapers came in… no real telling

If I'm hearing you right, the reapers showed up after you started thinking about ctb? If so, they could be connected to that. It makes sense. Things manifest in our environment to match our thoughts; at least they can. I don't think they're there to harm you. Please correct me if I'm wrong.

 

[its-about-time]

If I'm hearing you right, the reapers showed up after you started thinking about ctb? If so, they could be connected to that. It makes sense. Things manifest in our environment to match our thoughts; at least they can. I don't think they're there to harm you. Please correct me if I'm wrong.

Yeah, the first evening I felt this it was a very dark evening, the next day the reapers showed up. I don't think the reapers have bad intentions. Just a job to do. So I'm not worried about them. But it does mean spirits can enter my trailer again. Which means a bad intentioned spirit could be in here causing this. I reversed some of the rituals I had previously done the day I got suddenly very suicidal again. At the time I thought "the spirits are long gone it's over I don't need this stuff here anymore." Then that very night everything changed. I didn't realize the timing of those things until days later. When I realized it, I realized all of this could be the bad entities, like they were just waiting to be able to come back inside and I let them in without thinking about it and now things are chaotic and I'm about to ctb, it's all very suspicious but I don't know what to think because I can't hear the entities or anything. They're being very sneaky if they're here.

 

[its-about-time]

Thanks for explaining. Do you think if you perform the rituals in the way you'd done before reversing them, that it could get them out of your trailer? It sounds like it was helping you before.
I also have a question about the bad entities possibly being inside.

I don't know. I don't know if I want to. I don't know if I care or if I should just ctb regardless of what's happening. It's complicated. What's your question I don't know if I will have a good answer. I'm sitting outside my therapist's office right now.

 

[BrokenBliss]

I don't know. I don't know if I want to. I don't know if I care or if I should just ctb regardless of what's happening. It's complicated. What's your question I don't know if I will have a good answer. I'm sitting outside my therapist's office right now.

Oh, I'm sorry to intrude. I had some thoughts and was trying to help. Hopefully your therapist session goes well. If you want to talk more later, I'll be here. : )

 

[Britvik]

I'm sitting outside my therapist's office right now.

I think you've definitely made the correct decision to see your therapist. You have a lot of courage. I think you should continue to use it when speaking with them. You can only be helped if you're open and honest.

For what it's worth, I don't believe in the supernatural. If you were referring to demons in the metaphorical sense, I understand. Therapists/psychologists are the ones to help you exorcise them. If you feel like updating the forum after your appointment, I'd be interested to hear how it went.
Good luck!