need help with final piano piece and writing goodbye note

[CJ123]

Main questions :
1)What piano piece do i learn for my love interest as a final performance? I was a talented pianist but not been for a while and my brain was injured by the OD attempt but i think i could still try learn something difficult like 'un sospiro' or 'liebestraum' (already practiced liebestraum but never finished learning) . 'Omori final duet' sounds like it would be a good choice cus we played it together and bonded over the game years ago. Any suggestions, particularly romantic ones, would be greatly appreciated.
2)How do I mitigate the pain I will cause to at least a half dosen loved ones, bearing in mind some know I'm depressed/mentally ill/drug addict and others like my grandparents (who i dont see enough but will see for the last time soon) aren't as clued in. Everyone just wants me to get better and use the last attempt as a rebound for motivation and I just think a letter is too difficult to write because I hate every word I type just because it came from me. Can you suggest anything that might help me start off a letter to lighten their burdens? Any parts of a letter i can steal from someone in a simiar situation?

My situation :
I am 20, autistic, heavily depressed for years and probably adhd. My recent attempt failed because I took too little by accident and ended in a pretty bad way in hospital. But i plan on preparing better for the same method (nitazene OD). My ex knows i plan to die soon and she was my only visitor. We still have a deep connection and feelings for each other but things ended because i pushed her away. I treated her awfully towards the end because I'm mentally ill and not fit to be in a happy relationship. Months after our breakup she has just moved in with her new bf and coleague. I'm medicated (venlafaxine, valium, promethazine and zopiclone) and they decidied not to section me (thank god) so I'll be stacking the benzos and needles until im fully ready and have spoken to everyone. Another issue is that she would probably take me back if I could get better and the meds kept working. She was my last remaining source of happiness and it's a heartbreaking situation because she loves me and her current bf but I think she's better off with her bf. I may have an opportunity to hook up with her for the last time and it's tempting so I don't really know. Please give any input regardless of what you have to say.

 

[aego]

1.) aaah, its unhelpful but i think it's really a choice you should decide for yourself. if its your love letter, you should choose something that you feel describes the way you feel about them, or something you both are connected to (Final Duet seems nice). I was planning on playing salut d'amor for my first attempt tho, if that helps.

2.) short answer: you can't really do that. you can try separating the focus of the letter from your suicide to them-- like thanking them or telling them how you really feel about them (since thats hard/sets off alarm bells). i find that making my letter less personal helps a lot, like, imagining it came from their admirer or something. if you think it might help, you can also write about why you're ctb and that it's not their fault.

this is a stranger's opinion on a completely ignorant standpoint so take this with a grain of salt; i think it's romantic to serenade and tell her how you feel/make amends-- but if you fully decide not to change your mind, i would think about getting back together with her thoroughly. she may get her hopes up that you decided to change your mind (if you haven't). i have no idea who she is or what your relationship is, though. you should be content before you go

 

[CJ123]

1.) aaah, its unhelpful but i think it's really a choice you should decide for yourself. if its your love letter, you should choose something that you feel describes the way you feel about them, or something you both are connected to (Final Duet seems nice). I was planning on playing salut d'amor for my first attempt tho, if that helps.

2.) short answer: you can't really do that. you can try separating the focus of the letter from your suicide to them-- like thanking them or telling them how you really feel about them (since thats hard/sets off alarm bells). i find that making my letter less personal helps a lot, like, imagining it came from their admirer or something. if you think it might help, you can also write about why you're ctb and that it's not their fault.

this is a stranger's opinion on a completely ignorant standpoint so take this with a grain of salt; i think it's romantic to serenade and tell her how you feel/make amends-- but if you fully decide not to change your mind, i would think about getting back together with her thoroughly. she may get her hopes up that you decided to change your mind (if you haven't). i have no idea who she is or what your relationship is, though. you should be content before you go

this is very helpful I appreciate your response and lack of judgement. nice to hear another opinion. :)