need advice (18) and im an ex-alcoholic with substance abuse problems and childhood issues

[coolmcpe128]

i just really got so many problems that, i just feel like i fucked up the life i had.. when i was a child i was physically forced by my parents to take Adderal (adhd medication prescribed by my stupid doctor) because they thought 'this is my duty as a parent' and well it made me 'too focused' and uncomfortable.. adderal also caused a lack of hunger so their 'solution' was to force feed me when i physically couldn't eat due to loss of hunger or even produce saliva.. then through that experience i developed a eating disorder where now i hardly eat due to the 'bad experiences' associated with eating when i was younger

couple years back i attempted to self induce auto brewery syndrome a condition which makes you permanently drunk 24/7 as a potential solution to my sadness/depression, after months of trying it didn't work and i ended up wasting over 200 dollars on this. (still upset about this not working..)

my mother when i was younger accused me of physically assulting her when i did NOT do that.. and then compared me to my father..

and then i started getting into alcohol which i think was my worst choice yet since, its makes you feel good and like shit.. but at the same time you got that 'voice' in the back of your head saying that "i want to be drunk, i like being drunk, i want to drink to get drunk" because when i was drunk i really didnt experience any emotions its like my emotions just kinda died and i really couldnt care enough about what YOU had to say at the moment.. in some sort of way its like my emotions died for awhile and it was great being emotionless.. didnt feel happy, didnt feel sad.. i just felt drunk and at peace.. sometimes i wish i never drank booze in the first place tbh.

i have no friends, im a functional addict, and have no life (im still in high school) and fuck comparing myself to other kids in High school they seemed to be more normal than me, im gay, and have substance abuse problems with depression

i just got too many problems and if anyone could send me some advice or some solutions i would really appriciate it because i DONT want to 'end' it all.. but its getting to the point where i feel like theres no other option.. im getting overwhelmed by my problems! and even THINKING about college makes it all the worse

 

[FuneralCry]

You didn't say what kind of advice. If you are looking for ctb method information then there is a resources section on here and lots of threads on the forum about different methods. If you are looking for improving life advice then there is a recovery section on here.
It really sounds like you have suffered a lot and I'm sorry that you have to endure so many problems. It must be really hard to deal with. I wish you the best.

 

[coolmcpe128]

You didn't say what kind of advice. If you are looking for ctb method information then there is a resources section on here and lots of threads on the forum about different methods. If you are looking for improving life advice then there is a recovery section on here.
It really sounds like you have suffered a lot and I'm sorry that you have to endure so many problems. It must be really hard to deal with. I wish you the best.

i dont need any advice on how to ctb, like you mentioned this website has over 1000 methods.. i just made this post because i just want to at least try to get some advice on how to feel, manage and deal with my feelings or attempt to get better

and your right this was the wrong fourm to post it in.. would have matched better in recovery

 

[LittleJem]

LSD was recommended by the founder of Alcoholics Anonymous and there is good research on it for alcoholism. Alcoholics anonymous might give some support (some people love it, I find it a bit much). Can you join any LGBT+ support groups locally?

 

[Life_and_Death]

if youre not religious theres an 12 step book for that too, but i think a good place to start is quitting drinking and moving on with your life, like you said youre still in high school. im not pointing it out to say youre too young to ctb just that you havent had a different setting and that alone can sometimes be helpful. im trying to wait for a different setting but am getting terribly worn down in the mean time.

 

[👁️👃👁️]

LSD was recommended by the founder of Alcoholics Anonymous and there is good research on it for alcoholism. Alcoholics anonymous might give some support (some people love it, I find it a bit much). Can you join any LGBT+ support groups locally?

Do you have any information on this?

 

[LittleJem]

Do you have any information on this?

Hi if you google LSD and alcoholism you'll find a lot of research and articles. Alcoholics Anonymous Im guessing is also in USA. How is weed for you? Could be an alternative?
Here is one article: https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.bbc.com/news/health-17297714.amp

 

[👁️👃👁️]

Hi if you google LSD and alcoholism you'll find a lot of research and articles. Alcoholics Anonymous Im guessing is also in USA. How is weed for you? Could be an alternative?
Here is one article: https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.bbc.com/news/health-17297714.amp

Thanks for sharing I'm fully aware of LSD and other psychedelics being used to treat addiction I've just never heard of the owner of alcohol anonymous mentioning LSD.

 

[noaccount]

holy fuck that is all so abusive, the pharma drugs and the food and everything I'm so sorry. and honestly I was only able to stop self-harming a lot after going no-contact with my birth family, disrespectful controlling people being in one's life like that really just sabotage any positive changes we could make for ourselves.

 

[coolmcpe128]

if youre not religious theres an 12 step book for that too, but i think a good place to start is quitting drinking and moving on with your life, like you said youre still in high school. im not pointing it out to say youre too young to ctb just that you havent had a different setting and that alone can sometimes be helpful. im trying to wait for a different setting but am getting terribly worn down in the mean time.

Perhaps your right.. i do need a different setting

 

[LittleJem]

LSD could help alcoholics stop drinking, AA founder believed

Author reveals Bill Wilson's acid theory, but his experiments upset other Alcoholics Anonymous members

www.theguardian.com

66 years ago, the founder of Alcoholics Anonymous tried LSD — and ignited a controversy still raging today

Bill Wilson, the founder of Alcoholics Anonymous, was ostracized for saying LSD could benefit alcoholics. Modern science is proving him right.

www.inverse.com

Bill Wilson, LSD and the Secret Psychedelic History of Alcoholics Anonymous - Lucid News

Bill Wilson, the co-founder of Alcoholics Anonymous, was a firm believer in the ability of LSD to free some hardcore alcoholics from their addiction.

www.lucid.news

LSD’s Controversial Connection With Alcoholics Anonymous

In a fascinating long-read, Katie McBride at Inverse traces the controversial and little-known connection between LSD and Alcoholics Anonymous. When co-founder and hero of the abstinence-only progr…

coolhunting.com

 

[SarRy]

My best piece of advice is to find a therapist, counselor, psychologist, or some professional. While you are young, you are not alone in this. Many people older than you have had or still have those struggles. You might find that dealing with the underlying issues will help stop alcoholism. Do what has to be done to take care of yourself. Moving away from toxic people (including family members) can allow you the space you need to fix yourself. Professional help can lead to more options for educational support, disability, or other programs to help with your treatment.

As for being gay. It's a hard road. Find areas/places/scenes/environments that are welcoming. Realize what it means to you and how it plays into your life plan. Do you want to get married, raise children, etc.?

Stay safe. The world isn't kind to people who are different, but we can't change anything if we're dead.
Also, it's kind of ironic how many gay people are depressed. Sometimes it's useful to laugh at the absurdity of life.

 

[lionetta12]

i just really got so many problems that, i just feel like i fucked up the life i had.. when i was a child i was physically forced by my parents to take Adderal (adhd medication prescribed by my stupid doctor) because they thought 'this is my duty as a parent' and well it made me 'too focused' and uncomfortable.. adderal also caused a lack of hunger so their 'solution' was to force feed me when i physically couldn't eat due to loss of hunger or even produce saliva.. then through that experience i developed a eating disorder where now i hardly eat due to the 'bad experiences' associated with eating when i was younger

couple years back i attempted to self induce auto brewery syndrome a condition which makes you permanently drunk 24/7 as a potential solution to my sadness/depression, after months of trying it didn't work and i ended up wasting over 200 dollars on this. (still upset about this not working..)

my mother when i was younger accused me of physically assulting her when i did NOT do that.. and then compared me to my father..

and then i started getting into alcohol which i think was my worst choice yet since, its makes you feel good and like shit.. but at the same time you got that 'voice' in the back of your head saying that "i want to be drunk, i like being drunk, i want to drink to get drunk" because when i was drunk i really didnt experience any emotions its like my emotions just kinda died and i really couldnt care enough about what YOU had to say at the moment.. in some sort of way its like my emotions died for awhile and it was great being emotionless.. didnt feel happy, didnt feel sad.. i just felt drunk and at peace.. sometimes i wish i never drank booze in the first place tbh.

i have no friends, im a functional addict, and have no life (im still in high school) and fuck comparing myself to other kids in High school they seemed to be more normal than me, im gay, and have substance abuse problems with depression

i just got too many problems and if anyone could send me some advice or some solutions i would really appriciate it because i DONT want to 'end' it all.. but its getting to the point where i feel like theres no other option.. im getting overwhelmed by my problems! and even THINKING about college makes it all the worse

I'm no expert and I've never consumed drugs before, but some studies seem to suggest that LSD and some mushrooms can benefit in recovering from alcoholism. Maybe read into that and see if there's anything to it?

 

[Linda]

i just really got so many problems that, i just feel like i fucked up the life i had.. when i was a child i was physically forced by my parents to take Adderal (adhd medication prescribed by my stupid doctor) because they thought 'this is my duty as a parent' and well it made me 'too focused' and uncomfortable.. adderal also caused a lack of hunger so their 'solution' was to force feed me when i physically couldn't eat due to loss of hunger or even produce saliva.. then through that experience i developed a eating disorder where now i hardly eat due to the 'bad experiences' associated with eating when i was younger

couple years back i attempted to self induce auto brewery syndrome a condition which makes you permanently drunk 24/7 as a potential solution to my sadness/depression, after months of trying it didn't work and i ended up wasting over 200 dollars on this. (still upset about this not working..)

my mother when i was younger accused me of physically assulting her when i did NOT do that.. and then compared me to my father..

and then i started getting into alcohol which i think was my worst choice yet since, its makes you feel good and like shit.. but at the same time you got that 'voice' in the back of your head saying that "i want to be drunk, i like being drunk, i want to drink to get drunk" because when i was drunk i really didnt experience any emotions its like my emotions just kinda died and i really couldnt care enough about what YOU had to say at the moment.. in some sort of way its like my emotions died for awhile and it was great being emotionless.. didnt feel happy, didnt feel sad.. i just felt drunk and at peace.. sometimes i wish i never drank booze in the first place tbh.

i have no friends, im a functional addict, and have no life (im still in high school) and fuck comparing myself to other kids in High school they seemed to be more normal than me, im gay, and have substance abuse problems with depression

i just got too many problems and if anyone could send me some advice or some solutions i would really appriciate it because i DONT want to 'end' it all.. but its getting to the point where i feel like theres no other option.. im getting overwhelmed by my problems! and even THINKING about college makes it all the worse

I think the first step is to get off the alcohol. Don't tell me you can't. I used to like a few drinks (and sometimes moer than a few), but about 12 years ago I developed a serious medical condition (runs in the family) that alcohol would have made a lot worse. Basically, anthing more than very small quantities of alcohol would have soon killed me. I'm no good at having half a glass of wine and then stopping, so I realized I had to quit all alcohol. Which I did. It felt a bit difficult for a couple of weeks, but I soon got used to it. Now I have no desire for alcohol at all. (And I haven't had a hangover in 12 years.) What you are doing with alcohol is simply covering up symptoms. It does nothing to fix the problems that are causing those symptoms. Get off the alcohol, sober up, and then you'll have a chance of being able to start working on the problems themslves.

 

[IKnowIt'sOver]

One of the people I most respect - an angel on earth - is an alcoholic. She seems to like AA, so that's probably worth trying. I'll echo what people are saying and recommend that you try and find a school psychologist or a teacher you trust and take these concerns to them. Or to your parents if you trust them to handle it well. You're very young and clearly having a very hard time and I don't think you're as alone as you think you are.

I think you would be well served by finding some sort of structure. You're in high school and out for the summer - do you have a job or maybe a volunteering gig? If not, I'd recommend it. It can help you meet people and structure your days. Working may end up being a drag..but so will sitting around all day, and that won't give you self-esteem the same way.

I'd also recommend thinking about joining sports when you're back in school, or, if thats not your thing (it wasn't mine), doing something like debate team or whatever. Basically, find something you like doing and that gives you the opportunity to improve by putting in work. Even if you don't do sports, I'd recommend taking up lifting weights, which you can start doing right now. It's satisfying as hell to push yourself to the limit and watch as your body gets bigger and the weight you can lift increases.

If the people around you aren't accepting of gay people then that sucks. I'll say that people in college are usually way more accepting of lgbtq and that's where a lot of lgbtq ppl find their community. Even if you don't go to college, the same thing is true if you move to a city, and just generally as you meet more and more people as you go through life.