Venting Cant even get fucking friends

[jinmaopoison]

Fuck everyone who says to put yourself out there and take initiative every single person turns me down. I just get ignored i feel like people see me as an annoying freak. God am I really so offputting and strange? Asked my coworker if he wanted to go to a carnival because i literally have no friends and work is the only social interaction I get. He said hed get back to me before the shift ends but he never did and just left i cant believe I just make people uncomfortable. Fuck my parents for homeschooling me now im struggling to even find a single friend or person who fucks with me the tiniest amount. If they didnt id have an established friend circle and wouldnt have missed out on the teenage experience. Im putting them in my note I dont care they should know what they did. It's okay im finally trying opioids tonight and all my problems will melt away and ill be happy for even a little bit.

 

[Sleeper System]

I can relate. I wasn't home schooled but I wasn't allowed to hang out with anyone after school. I missed out on a lot of socializing and now as an adult I feel like it had a major effect on my social life. Every time I have to talk to people it feels like i'm faking a personality. I'm also way too comfortable being alone. I guess i'm an adaptable introvert at minimum.

 

[EmptyBottle]

It's okay im finally trying opioids tonight and all my problems will melt away and ill be happy for even a little bit.

That could be risky, the risk of being addicted to opioids is kinda high, and if they are sourced from the street, they could cause all sorts of problems. That one high might lead to months or longer, of seeking it, and never reaching that same high... consider alternative ways of feeling better

Source:

 

[jinmaopoison]

I only have 10 pills from an old script left over

 

[EmptyBottle]

I only have 10 pills from an old script left over

ahhh, that is less risky, if they were prescribed to you specifically. What type of pills are they?

 

[offbalance]

Same, I was homeschooled as a teen and I feel it had an effect on my social life and skills

 

[jinmaopoison]

ahhh, that is less risky, if they were prescribed to you specifically. What type of pills are they?

Hydrocodone it was prescribed a little over a year ago for wisdom tooth removal which my mom hid from and never told me about

I can relate. I wasn't home schooled but I wasn't allowed to hang out with anyone after school. I missed out on a lot of socializing and now as an adult I feel like it had a major effect on my social life. Every time I have to talk to people it feels like i'm faking a personality. I'm also way too comfortable being alone. I guess i'm an adaptable introvert at minimum.

Literally nothing good comes out of growing up without social interaction. I hate it here

 

[inbekween]

I wish you the best and you get the peace you deserve. If you ever need somebody to talk to or to just discuss about things with
I'm here :)

 

[Sleeper System]

Hydrocodone it was prescribed a little over a year ago for wisdom tooth removal which my mom hid from and never told me about

Literally nothing good comes out of growing up without social interaction. I hate it here

Sad part is there are a few people who want to befriend me. But i'm just to anti-social and honestly i'm probably afriad to let anyone in at this point. Building up a relationship feels like work and I don't want that.

 

[Off_Switch]

I think there might be a possibility that they see you as someone who would be hard to manipulate. Seems like 99 out 100 people on this planet are horrible people that would never be a true friend to you. Only people that would take advantage of you in any way that benefits them. I used to have a lot of friends, but now I am a loner. I realized they were closer to being enemies than friends. Most humans are innately slefish and criminal people. I can't wait to be done with this rotten, blighted existence.

 

[calebzz1]

Fuck everyone who says to put yourself out there and take initiative every single person turns me down. I just get ignored i feel like people see me as an annoying freak. God am I really so offputting and strange? Asked my coworker if he wanted to go to a carnival because i literally have no friends and work is the only social interaction I get. He said hed get back to me before the shift ends but he never did and just left i cant believe I just make people uncomfortable. Fuck my parents for homeschooling me now im struggling to even find a single friend or person who fucks with me the tiniest amount. If they didnt id have an established friend circle and wouldnt have missed out on the teenage experience. Im putting them in my note I dont care they should know what they did. It's okay im finally trying opioids tonight and all my problems will melt away and ill be happy for even a little bit.

Damn I'm sorry, when I was able to work my full-time job my coworkers would act similarly except one I was able to hang out with once.

A lot of them would be one-dimensional and would act different about other people but I would go on and on about the same topic which they probably got tired of.

I would keep your expectations low and focus on yourself.

I have to do so, currently have a friend group who I would love to hangout with but I can't see well enough to do the hobbies they want myself to do.

I had to be honest and state until I get a cure or something else happens I need to take a break.

It's even harder now because I can hardly see the person in my visual field unless I close an eye and even then it's blurry.

When you can't see well, it's harder to relate to others because my old hobbies are inaccessible i.e. reading books, watching television, movies, playing videogames and so on.

I don't invest my time in relationships that won't lead to an improvement for my condition and the household, it's pointless.

To be fair, it's most likely because I'm going through a lot medically but that's how I truly feel.

 

[Aloneandinpain]

Fuck my parents for homeschooling me now im struggling to even find a single friend or person who fucks with me the tiniest amount.

I had "friends" at school but whenever things really matter or there was an event people were invited too then I wasn't invited or I was an afterthought. I had brief period from age 11 to 13 where I actually fitted in but then that slowly fell apart.

College was even worse, could barely find any friends and the few I found never stayed in touch or cared about me for the most part.

I know homeschooling might seem an issue, but there's just so much abuse at schools and colleges if you don't fit in.

Try finding online friends first, I think that's relatively easy compared to real life, although of course it's not the same.

 

[jinmaopoison]

I had "friends" at school but whenever things really matter or there was an event people were invited too then I wasn't invited or I was an afterthought. I had brief period from age 11 to 13 where I actually fitted in but then that slowly fell apart.

College was even worse, could barely find any friends and the few I found never stayed in touch or cared about me for the most part.

I know homeschooling might seem an issue, but there's just so much abuse at schools and colleges if you don't fit in.

Try finding online friends first, I think that's relatively easy compared to real life, although of course it's not the same.

I have an abundance of really funny and cool and solid internet friends but they all live reallt far away so its not like we can meet up. I juat want someone there for me the way I am for my friends but no one puts that enrrgy into me the way I do

 

[ThePainKiller]

this is one of the main reasons as to why im planning on leaving, i missed so much and there is no point in trying to keep going if its always going to be the same bullshit over and over.

 

[jinmaopoison]

this is one of the main reasons as to why im planning on leaving, i missed so much and there is no point in trying to keep going if its always going to be the same bullshit over and over.

It truly doesnt get better. I hate people im becoming more and more misanthropic by the day

 

[EmptyBottle]

It truly doesnt get better. I hate people im becoming more and more misanthropic by the day

Whether conditions improve, stay similar, or regress is hard to predict, hope something improves even slightly between now and one's final days (whether existence naturally or artificially ends)

 

[Spite]

Yeah, the game is rigged.

Most people establish their friend groups and social circles while they're in school, but if you're homeschooled, or if you're otherwise "weird", the world will deem you unworthy of friends and you will miss out on an essential part of life.

In my case I did go to public school, but everyone was repulsed by me because I'm autistic, so I never even stood a chance. It's a Catch-22 as well, because you need friends to make friends. No-one is going to be friends with an awkward friendless loser like myself. Going through life without friends is torture and it's an existence not worth living I'm sorry to say.

 

[Still here]

I think there might be a possibility that they see you as someone who would be hard to manipulate. Seems like 99 out 100 people on this planet are horrible people that would never be a true friend to you. Only people that would take advantage of you in any way that benefits them. I used to have a lot of friends, but now I am a loner. I realized they were closer to being enemies than friends. Most humans are innately slefish and criminal people. I can't wait to be done with this rotten, blighted existence.

So true...

 

[Forever Sleep]

I wonder if people even are that social now. I think a lot aren't or, they maybe just stay in their own lane. Maybe sticking with a few closer friends they met earlier on. My parents once threw a New Years Eve party and, next to no one came and, they make a lot more effort to make and keep friends. I've had even closer friends back out of things at the last moment. I try not to see people at all now, although- I'd be honest upfront.

Does this person seem to go out to places with other people much? Do you get on really well with them? Was the event something they had an interest in?

I think it is good/ brave to ask but yeah, the disappointment of rejection can feel crushing. It's so difficult but I suppose the only solution- if you keep trying- is to try not to build up expectation. Feel it more likely the person may say no or even, not bother to say anything.

I think one problem is, people feel bad for saying 'no' so, they put it off. They could just be socially awkward too. I used to have such mixed feelings about social things. I'd say yes and then, regret and worry about it. It almost became easier to say no and not have to worry about it.

I hope you do find a 'like mind' where you both want to go some place and it's far less complicated.

 

[katara]

I think there might be a possibility that they see you as someone who would be hard to manipulate. Seems like 99 out 100 people on this planet are horrible people that would never be a true friend to you. Only people that would take advantage of you in any way that benefits them. I used to have a lot of friends, but now I am a loner. I realized they were closer to being enemies than friends. Most humans are innately slefish and criminal people. I can't wait to be done with this rotten, blighted existence.

This is actually pretty wise a lot of people aren't really ur friend and u realize that if you go through any serious issues in life. I had one irl friend who is stopped talking to after I shared my situation with her and she didn't care. She just talked to me when she was bored.

 

[58Alice85]

I don't have any friends.
The "friendship" of normies seems to be some vague acquantainceship filled with backstabbings, humiliation rituals, beat them down as soon as they are doing better than you and so on
I wonder if i could find true friendship with another freak like me

 

[darksouls]

only my beloved pets have been true friends for me, I have been exploited by people my entire life, all the people were fake friends

 

[Steph99]

I think there might be a possibility that they see you as someone who would be hard to manipulate. Seems like 99 out 100 people on this planet are horrible people that would never be a true friend to you. Only people that would take advantage of you in any way that benefits them. I used to have a lot of friends, but now I am a loner. I realized they were closer to being enemies than friends. Most humans are innately slefish and criminal people. I can't wait to be done with this rotten, blighted existence.

In my experience this is not correct. There are shitty people around but certainly not 99 out of 100. If you are open to the possibility of the people you interact act with being good people, this faith will be rewarded many more times than it's abused.

 

[broken serenity]

In my experience this is not correct. There are shitty people around but certainly not 99 out of 100. If you are open to the possibility of the people you interact act with being good people, this faith will be rewarded many more times than it's abused.

I think the point isn't how inherently evil or good a human is, so much so as the reality that we're very socially programmed to do our shit.

If I'm some mentally challenged sounding, socially awkward human, and they've got a life and friends, they'll probably never reach out again. Even if the first impression was good, it's like a minefield for some of us to cope with a long term ship like that.

And they're only human too; I've ghosted for less at times in the wrong head space.

I've got loads of acquaintances. I'll ask any cute stranger for directions. I can small talk in a bar all night. I'll text/call long term 'friends' and get nothing back.

 

[woodlandcreature]

Fuck everyone who says to put yourself out there and take initiative every single person turns me down.

Agreed. Putting myself out there was one of the final nails in the coffin for me. No more.
Wasn't homeschooled. I'm autistic and have been severely bullied my whole life. Classmates didn't care. Teachers didn't care. Family didn't care. It has literally continued into university (which I find absurd but that's just how people are I guess) but in a much more conscious and demented way. The only people I've ever actually gotten along with turned out to be abusive and exploitative. I feel nothing for most people anymore. They've made sure of that.

 

[Rizzo5252]

Fuck everyone who says to put yourself out there and take initiative every single person turns me down. I just get ignored i feel like people see me as an annoying freak. God am I really so offputting and strange? Asked my coworker if he wanted to go to a carnival because i literally have no friends and work is the only social interaction I get. He said hed get back to me before the shift ends but he never did and just left i cant believe I just make people uncomfortable. Fuck my parents for homeschooling me now im struggling to even find a single friend or person who fucks with me the tiniest amount. If they didnt id have an established friend circle and wouldnt have missed out on the teenage experience. Im putting them in my note I dont care they should know what they did. It's okay im finally trying opioids tonight and all my problems will melt away and ill be happy for even a little bit.

If you would like a friend to talk to reach out to me. I'm always here to talk and listen to.

 

[jinmaopoison]

Agreed. Putting myself out there was one of the final nails in the coffin for me. No more.
Wasn't homeschooled. I'm autistic and have been severely bullied my whole life. Classmates didn't care. Teachers didn't care. Family didn't care. It has literally continued into university (which I find absurd but that's just how people are I guess) but in a much more conscious and demented way. The only people I've ever actually gotten along with turned out to be abusive and exploitative. I feel nothing for most people anymore. They've made sure of that.

Im sorry to hear that. I feel like as someone who might be on the spectrum haha connecting with other peole socially has been hard all my life but every cool person I've met IRL turned out to be autistic. Maybe your campus has clubs that might have a lot of autistic people like anime/video games/ media etc. I'd try my own advice but I cant commute to the clubs so i gave up

 

[woodlandcreature]

Maybe your campus has clubs that might have a lot of autistic

unfortunately everyone on this campus is actively hostile or indifferent to me before they talk to me and even moreso after. the people at my uni are actually one of the big reasons i'm here . i've tried several clubs and they're pretty racist. interacting with people has genuinely made me despise humans, so I don't desire "friendship" anymore really. just gets lonely but it's more lonely with people than without them for me.

 

[Ashes of a Dreamer]

Ok, you're still trying, I gave up ×.× Wasn't homeschooled, but sometimes I wish I were - when you're strange, people will inevitably make fun or avoid you. It's just how things work, not the ideal scenario, I know. Anyway, sorry for your lonely search, but, unfortunately, there isn't an easy way out - an outcast will probably only befriend another one. You can follow the basic steps - joining a group of activity you like, starting conversations, attending to social events - as you probably know and already have done, but the truth is: it doesn't work for everyone. If you're neurodivergent, this is a real problem that won't be solved soon - anyway, I wish you can find at least one good friend irl :)

 

[X-sanguinate86]

Yeah this is part of the cruel setup that is this world. It's definitely contributed to my ending up on this forum.