Nearly died last night

[mangoastronaut]

Got immense pain in my chest last night and partner told me to take some aspirin. Afterwards, they told me all my symptoms sounded like a blood clot that could have turned into a heart attack. She knows I'm suicidal, so that's why she told me afterwards.

Y'all, I don't know if that was the worst pain I have ever felt in my life but it was definitely up there. It started while I was at work, pushed through most of it, and got sent home half an hour early. The hour-long commute home was agony, and the aspirin kicked in right as I got to my door. She said that it wasn't a heart attack because I didn't get the worst sense of dread that comes with it.

I would go through all the pain again if it meant I died at the end, though. I wish I didn't take the aspirin and instead collapsed on the train floor. I had my way out! And it was taken from me. It left me really depressed today, but I'm trying not to let it show and instead act grateful towards my partner. But damn, I was so close.

 

[itsgone2]

It's crazy you were that close. The body is just so very difficult to kill. You want to go, had a major medical issue that does kill people every day, and you're still here.