Sad_Autistic_boy_101
When I die, you'll love me.
- Nov 19, 2019
- 449
Hey Everyone,
I'm kinda paranoid that I'm taking up space on this forum so I'm going to try and post it all in one.
People may recognise me on the forums as I've been apart of it for nearly 5 years. I've seen several members come and go during this time and I can't help but feel envious of them. I know this forum is about giving people the right to die, information about methods or helping to recover - But honestly I want to CTB. I'm the most ready that I've ever been, however I just feel that the methods are inaccessible for someone like me so I feel like a failure. It feels unfair that assisted dying is illegal in my country as I would sign up instantly. I had a mental health crisis yesterday and refused to get out of the road as I was trying to be hit by traffic. I don't recommend this at all but that's what my impulsive brain did. I was reported and I had to have an emergency therapy session to discuss my welfare but luckily I wasn't sectioned. I worry people (including my therapist) see me as a boy who cried wolf scenario which really isn't the case. I'm extremely isolated and I talk a lot on here about how difficult it is getting support as an Autistic adult and it's just never ending. I'm tired of the constant fight both in the support system and in my mind. It's not like I haven't tried either, I have fought so hard to get any support and the people who could provide it and actually save a life are more concerned about funding and resources. So I have planned to CTB within the next 6 weeks. I've just got to find a method that will work best for me. I will make a goodbye thread when it is my time. I appreciate all of you and you peeps help me feel less alone.
I'm kinda paranoid that I'm taking up space on this forum so I'm going to try and post it all in one.
People may recognise me on the forums as I've been apart of it for nearly 5 years. I've seen several members come and go during this time and I can't help but feel envious of them. I know this forum is about giving people the right to die, information about methods or helping to recover - But honestly I want to CTB. I'm the most ready that I've ever been, however I just feel that the methods are inaccessible for someone like me so I feel like a failure. It feels unfair that assisted dying is illegal in my country as I would sign up instantly. I had a mental health crisis yesterday and refused to get out of the road as I was trying to be hit by traffic. I don't recommend this at all but that's what my impulsive brain did. I was reported and I had to have an emergency therapy session to discuss my welfare but luckily I wasn't sectioned. I worry people (including my therapist) see me as a boy who cried wolf scenario which really isn't the case. I'm extremely isolated and I talk a lot on here about how difficult it is getting support as an Autistic adult and it's just never ending. I'm tired of the constant fight both in the support system and in my mind. It's not like I haven't tried either, I have fought so hard to get any support and the people who could provide it and actually save a life are more concerned about funding and resources. So I have planned to CTB within the next 6 weeks. I've just got to find a method that will work best for me. I will make a goodbye thread when it is my time. I appreciate all of you and you peeps help me feel less alone.
