I don't know whether this will help anyone or not. I possibly came close to dying twice when I was much younger (I'm nearly 60 now).
The first time was when I was 17. I was upset and took a completely impulsive overdose of my then boyfriend's mother's sleeping tablets. I don't know what they were called and they probably aren't prescribed anymore. I just seem to remember they were large, yellow capsules. I don't really remember anything except drifting into sleep, quickly and completely painlessly. I didn't have time to feel fear or regret or anything else. I do remember waking later to a overwhelming sense of disappointment, shame and despair in a hospital bed.
The second time was when I was 22. Without going into details, I was being strangled/ choked by someone in a moment of anger. I could hear strange noises (which I later realised I must have been making) and feeling deep, deep sadness. I didn't feel any pain.
From these experiences, I am fairly sure I will drift into death when I take SN. For reasons I can't explain, this doesn't help overcome my fear of dying but maybe it will help someone else?
I think my fear is more of being dead, which is completely irrational as I believe we cease to exist and so have no awareness of being dead.
I feel so utterly alone but guess death has to faced alone.
Sorry for rambling. My SN should arrive in a few days and I'm so scared!
The first time was when I was 17. I was upset and took a completely impulsive overdose of my then boyfriend's mother's sleeping tablets. I don't know what they were called and they probably aren't prescribed anymore. I just seem to remember they were large, yellow capsules. I don't really remember anything except drifting into sleep, quickly and completely painlessly. I didn't have time to feel fear or regret or anything else. I do remember waking later to a overwhelming sense of disappointment, shame and despair in a hospital bed.
The second time was when I was 22. Without going into details, I was being strangled/ choked by someone in a moment of anger. I could hear strange noises (which I later realised I must have been making) and feeling deep, deep sadness. I didn't feel any pain.
From these experiences, I am fairly sure I will drift into death when I take SN. For reasons I can't explain, this doesn't help overcome my fear of dying but maybe it will help someone else?
I think my fear is more of being dead, which is completely irrational as I believe we cease to exist and so have no awareness of being dead.
I feel so utterly alone but guess death has to faced alone.
Sorry for rambling. My SN should arrive in a few days and I'm so scared!
