Navigating SS Friendships

[Chupacabra 44]

How does one develop friendship through the forum and on chat and then protect oneself if the person ultimately CTBs?

Starting to chat with some people and my vision is indicating this will be problematic if CTB comes in to play on the other end.

What strategies do you use if any for self-protection?

 

[Dreamless Sleep]

I wouldn't know... I have no friends here. I think I may need a shower.

 

[L I F E T O L O S E]

I must have made more friends in less time here than in other forums.the best and I don't know how

 

[esse_est_percipi]

I would say the whole idea of forming friendships here whilst trying to protect oneself from ctb consequences constitutes a bit of a double bind.
If you start to chat with others regularly via pm's or whatever, the possibility of them ctb'ing will inevitably have an emotional impact.

Either don't do pm's and try to remain a bit emotionally detached from other members, or if you do decide to get more involved, expect to be emotionally impacted if ctb's do occur.

Then again, you could also see the fact that you were able to form a connection with someone who then went on to ctb in a positive light.
Sure, it will be emotionally painful, but you also were able to positively impact someone in their last days.

 

[Chupacabra 44]

I wouldn't know... I have no friends here. I think I may need a shower.

I'm older, but if you want to be friends reach out to me I'd be happy to be your friend.

I must have made more friends in less time here than in other forums.the best and I don't know how

You stand out I've noticed you.

Plus, having your cleverly designed title for your name how you spaced it set you apart!

You other peeps who are lacking friendship pay attention to how life to lose designed their name. In marketing they call this differentiate your product. This means be unique do something different set yourself apart.

I would say the whole idea of forming friendships here whilst trying to protect oneself from ctb consequences constitutes a bit of a double bind.
If you start to chat with others regularly via pm's or whatever, the possibility of them ctb'ing will inevitably have an emotional impact.

Either don't do pm's and try to remain a bit emotionally detached from other members, or if you do decide to get more involved, expect to be emotionally impacted if ctb's do occu
Then again, you could also see the fact that you were able to form a connection with someone who then went on to ctb in a positive light.
Sure, it will be emotionally painful, but you also were able to positively impact someone in their last days.

Yeah it sure seems to me like it's going to be difficult. But, your last sentence is impactful. Thank you for sharing.

 

[Giraffey]

There will inevitably always be that risk of a person you've invested time and emotion in passing away or even just walking away from the site, but as others have said, if you can accept that will be a risk for you both then developing friendships here can be deeply rewarding.

If the other person CTB is a particularly prominent worry then it might be worth looking for friendships in people who are trying to recover. There is still the risk of them CTB or walking away, but less so perhaps than people who are actively ordering materials and setting a date etc.

Just my two cents anyway.

 

[Chupacabra 44]

That's hard for me because I'm extremely thin skinned and I'm extremely sensitive even though I'm older. I'm 50 something years old.

All right buds, this old dude is going to bed. Have a good night!

 

[Giraffey]

That's hard for me because I'm extremely thin skinned and I'm extremely sensitive even though I'm older. I'm 50 something years old.

All right buds, this old dude is going to bed. Have a good night!

Having a sensitive ear, a little hard-earned wisdom, and a willingness to reach out and connect with people in-need sounds like a great set of character traits. I think it would be a shame to deprive yourself of friendships because of a fear that one party may not be around some day, after all, what you fear is also what bonds you (we all came to SS for a reason).

It's getting late here too, and by late I mean late in the morning because man, I've been up all night! Us youngsters eh!

Have a great sleep fella :)

 

[Breadbfra]

I've been talking to some members and I've started to be affectionate to them but I honestly don't know how to answer to this question. On one side I'm happy they'll be finally at peace, on the other side I'd be absloutely devastated.

 

[Life_and_Death]

I emotionally prepare myself for it. Of course already going through it once numbing myself to the idea isn't as difficult I don't advise you do it though. I cried for a few days.

 

[nitroautnz]

its a really good question that we probably should ask ourself more often considering the purpose of this forum.
Personally I don t really have a lot of friends here, only chat with one person, I don't go to other people because I wouldn't like to impose myself onto them.
But I didn't really think of the eventuality that she/he would be gone, but I probably do like I do IRL not protecting myself because that's just not me, and get freaking sad yes but happy if she/he find peace!

 

[Chupacabra 44]

Came back. Not able to sleep yet.

 

[esse_est_percipi]

Came back. Not able to sleep yet.

hypomania?

 

[Chupacabra 44]

its a really good question that we probably should ask ourself more often considering the purpose of this forum.
Personally I don t really have a lot of friends here, only chat with one person, I don't go to other people because I wouldn't like to impose myself onto them.
But I didn't really think of the eventuality that she/he would be gone, but I probably do like I do IRL not protecting myself because that's just not me, and get freaking sad yes but happy if she/he find peace!

We had a couple sayings when I was a kid that I really liked. One was no guts no glory. The other was life is a numbers game.

The first one's kind of self-explanatory. We have to reach out to make friends. Someone has to step up to try and reach out because if we all sit back and wait and everyone's sitting back and waiting no friendship will ever be made.

Tomorrow make it an objective to reach out to three people that you've admire on the form and try to make friendship. Worst case they don't respond best case you have three friends. Most importantly you'll have the sense of accomplishment that you had the courage to approach others. This is a great feeling.

It's all a numbers game kind of illustrated above, and again here - reach out to 10 people and figure seven will say no (who cares - plenty of fish in the sea) and three will say yes and then you've got three new friends! Same idea with dating!

Sorry if I'm sounding like your dads' right now. But, it's true.

hypomania?

The little bit of stress from interacting on the side sets me off I'm learning.

Plus, hearing about not having friends bothered me. So I came back.

The good news is in five and a half hours McDonald's opens and I can go get my coffee. Lol
I got a new phone last week that's bugging me because every time I'm rebooted the brightness level drops like 12%.

I have to go into settings to adjust it so I can see.

Shout out to my buddy from Romania

For those who experience shyness I want you to start reading the threads I've set up on mindfulness

Don't be shy go ahead and type something for me

And why are you guys all up so late don't you guys have school tomorrow
And why don't you look or sign up I see 31 of you watching this thread.

I lurked for 11 months before I signed up a week ago Sunday.

Why don't you go over and sign up right now
If you think that you're shy you just have to take baby steps that's the way to overcome it.

So I see four members and 32 lurkers on this thread and no one's talking to me
Lol
Actually it says 37 members and 20 Lurkers and I'm the only one talking. Lol

I'm offering free yoga classes to the first person who jumps in.
All right guys so I'm going to click around hopefully you guys will start chatting amongst yourself.

 

[whywere]

Since I have been here, I LOVE to help other people and make them feel good and worthy. I have not had any friendships on here so far, but if I did and they ctb, I would be crushed. NOW if they ctb AND did NOT inform me in advance to at least say goodbye, then off to er and another stint in the ward again!

 

[nitroautnz]

We had a couple sayings when I was a kid that I really liked. One was no guts no glory. The other was life is a numbers game.

The first one's kind of self-explanatory. We have to reach out to make friends. Someone has to step up to try and reach out because if we all sit back and wait and everyone's sitting back and waiting no friendship will ever be made.

Tomorrow make it an objective to reach out to three people that you've admire on the form and try to make friendship. Worst case they don't respond best case you have three friends. Most importantly you'll have the sense of accomplishment that you had the courage to approach others. This is a great feeling.

It's all a numbers game kind of illustrated above, and again here - reach out to 10 people and figure seven will say no (who cares - plenty of fish in the sea) and three will say yes and then you've got three new friends! Same idea with dating!

Sorry if I'm sounding like your dads' right now. But, it's true.

No worries i always appreciate any imput ! I know what you mean, im not complaining about my situation though.
Doing waht you say is hard for me because i struggle a lot with rejection, and in my opinion every one is unique so if this person say no, well i will not find the same person anywhere else, it is ok but in the same time it is an overwhelming thought. Im overthinking a lot as you can see, that probably dont help either
But thank you for your help

 

[Chupacabra 44]

Since I have been here, I LOVE to help other people and make them feel good and worthy. I have not had any friendships on here so far, but if I did and they ctb, I would be crushed. NOW if they ctb AND did NOT inform me in advance to at least say goodbye, then off to er and another stint in the ward again!

I think it behooves all of us to have a strategy on how to protect outselfs on this site.

Even for me having joined a week ago Sunday I've been teetering in and out of hypomania that whole time just because of the stress of the interactions now with people. don't get me wrong I like it but I just have a very little stress tolerance obviously. I'm not sure how I'm going to better protect myself.

No worries i always appreciate any imput ! I know what you mean, im not complaining about my situation though.
Doing waht you say is hard for me because i struggle a lot with rejection, and in my opinion every one is unique so if this person say no, well i will not find the same person anywhere else, it is ok but in the same time it is an overwhelming thought. Im overthinking a lot as you can see, that probably dont help either
But thank you for your help

I'm truly impressed how many deep thinkers are on the site. And no I do not consider myself a deep thinker.

I can tell you with certainty that the younger people today are much more deep thinking than my generation was in general.

You guys really impressed me with the quality of thought. Now we just have to figure out how you all can stop being loners and make some more friends. I think the internet is a huge problem with this.

 

[Dreamless Sleep]

I'm older, but if you want to be friends reach out to me I'd be happy to be your friend.

I'm older too (50). I kinda assumed that's part of why I dont really connect with people here, as I notice there is a large percentage of younger people. But then i see people like you who have been here a week and already making friends... and I realize it's just me. lol

It's fine though. I didnt come here looking to make friends its just an interesting observation about myself. I must put out bad energy or something into the universe because I've chased off all my real life friends over the years, and even when i try to be helpful and kind online, I'm just a giant turd at the end of the day.

 

[Chupacabra 44]

I'm older too (50). I kinda assumed that's part of why I dont really connect with people here, as I notice there is a large percentage of younger people. But then i see people like you who have been here a week and already making friends... and I realize it's just me. lol

It's fine though. I didnt come here looking to make friends its just an interesting observation about myself. I must put out bad energy or something into the universe because I've chased off all my real life friends over the years, and even when i try to be helpful and kind online, I'm just a giant turd at the end of the day.

There have just been a couple people reaching out to me through private chat for some reason. I fairly open so perhaps this invites people to approach me and I'm good with that and love being approached.

One of the fairly senior members (meaning not under 21 years old and with lots of posting experience here) estimates that over 50% of the people on the site are between 18 to 21 years old.

But he showed me a survey and the survey was very insufficient in that the response rate was so low. I know a little bit about surveys and I understand that the younger people are more likely to respond than somebody around our age. Thus, I would say that the results are skewed towards the younger people.

I'm older too (50). I kinda assumed that's part of why I dont really connect with people here, as I notice there is a large percentage of younger people. But then i see people like you who have been here a week and already making friends... and I realize it's just me. lol

It's fine though. I didnt come here looking to make friends its just an interesting observation about myself. I must put out bad energy or something into the universe because I've chased off all my real life friends over the years, and even when i try to be helpful and kind online, I'm just a giant turd at the end of the day.

For me, in real life I've just become reclusive over the last six or seven years. Frankly at this stage of my life I really prefer being alone.

 

[KleinerWolf]

First of all, I expect myself to understand that those friendships were built on a suicide forum.

Second of all, spiritually speaking, I believe that energies never die, atmost they only transform to one way or another,
in that sense, people/pets who pass away, they are with us, still in the same universe, somewhere.

 

[Panna]

The way I look at it, making friends with folks who are ready to die is a wonderful thing. Ill explain, though forgive me, my explanations all tend to come out jumbled. If you make a deep connection with someone here or elsewhere, and they accept everything about you, then you should strive to accept everything about them. If they decide to off themselves, embrace it, and be happy that your friend will no longer suffer. In the end, whether you off yourself or you wait for old age to take you, its quite possible that you will indeed meet again in the next life so wheres the sadness, although to be fair when it comes to emotional connections, they dont really hit me unless I really force myself to think about them. To give an example, I met a guy on roblox of all places, suicidal, hated certain kinds of folks, was most likely a psychopath and was just the greatest guy id ever hope to meet, who took his life recently through a mix of slashing his wrists and utilizing blood thinners. Am I sad he's gone even though ill most likely never find someone just like him? No, because as ive said hes went to a better place, and to distance myself from him in any capacity would be doing a disservice to that friendship. He accepted me, and ive accepted him, heh apologies for the ramble, I really liked your topic.

 

[nitroautnz]

I think it behooves all of us to have a strategy on how to protect outselfs on this site.

Even for me having joined a week ago Sunday I've been teetering in and out of hypomania that whole time just because of the stress of the interactions now with people. don't get me wrong I like it but I just have a very little stress tolerance obviously. I'm not sure how I'm going to better protect myself.



I'm truly impressed how many deep thinkers are on the site. And no I do not consider myself a deep thinker.

I can tell you with certainty that the younger people today are much more deep thinking than my generation was in general.

You guys really impressed me with the quality of thought. Now we just have to figure out how you all can stop being loners and make some more friends. I think the internet is a huge problem with this.

On a personal level deep thinker? yes maybe definitely thinking waaaaay too much and chaotically, but not a deep talker/writer, (depend on the time and subject i guess), your post is definitely well written and very well thought for what i see.
Internet a problem? im not sure, I have a very good friend that i made when i was a teen, and im still speaking to him often even if we never meet IRL.

 

[Chupacabra 44]

The way I look at it, making friends with folks who are ready to die is a wonderful thing. Ill explain, though forgive me, my explanations all tend to come out jumbled. If you make a deep connection with someone here or elsewhere, and they accept everything about you, then you should strive to accept everything about them. If they decide to off themselves, embrace it, and be happy that your friend will no longer suffer. In the end, whether you off yourself or you wait for old age to take you, its quite possible that you will indeed meet again in the next life so wheres the sadness, although to be fair when it comes to emotional connections, they dont really hit me unless I really force myself to think about them. To give an example, I met a guy on roblox of all places, suicidal, hated certain kinds of folks, was most likely a psychopath and was just the greatest guy id ever hope to meet, who took his life recently through a mix of slashing his wrists and utilizing blood thinners. Am I sad he's gone even though ill most likely never find someone just like him? No, because as ive said hes went to a better place, and to distance myself from him in any capacity would be doing a disservice to that friendship. He accepted me, and ive accepted him, heh apologies for the ramble, I really liked your topic.

First of all, you articulate yourself really well. There was nothing jumbled whatsoever in your response.

I see what you're saying and I agree with it for some people but what about the people who are in an adverse position and really would generally not want to die but perhaps economically they are forced to do so or because of health reasons, for example.

I I was lurking since last October and I recall a member who was in a really bad spot financially and this person CTBed in January. I grew attached to this person via lurking. (She plugged heavy duty medications and had a member watch for her obituary to confirm her success).

It didn't feel to me like this was her choice it seemed as though this was her only option. My heart broke for her. It's difficult for me to be happy with someone in this situation. Would you agree or do you see it differently? I'd like to hear thoughts.

On a personal level deep thinker? yes maybe definitely thinking waaaaay too much and chaotically, but not a deep talker/writer, (depend on the time and subject i guess), your post is definitely well written and very well thought for what i see.
Internet a problem? im not sure, I have a very good friend that i made when i was a teen, and im still speaking to him often even if we never meet IRL.

Do you perceive the quality of relationships for an internet friend as high as a quality of a friendship in real life? This is where I struggle not having grown up on the internet.

 

[Panna]

Do you mean people that you became emotionally connected to, who suicide out because of reasons such as what you described? If so, I really don't think my stance would change. It might be my stunted emotional side speaking, but if life was tough enough where they couldn't find a solution to their problem outside cutting their own life short, then I would be perfectly ok with that, because they chose to do so. Now, if their suicide is a result of someone manipulating them into doing so, ( like that young man in the news, who died from the fumes of his truck, because his girlfriend kept telling him to get back in despite him saying he wanted to get out,) then no I wouldnt agree with something like that. So I guess what im trying to say is it all comes down to what they are mentally wanting to do.

do you perceive the quality of relationship for an internet friend as high as a quality of a friendship in real life? This is where I struggle not having grown up on the internet.

Sorry for stealing this, but I have a good response to this one. I certainly see online friendship as high as one made in real life. I consider my friend to be at about the same level as a relative, mainly since we could share anything with each other without fear of judgement. The moment where you cease to treat your online friend as a person you met online, and start seeing him as a really close friend who really cares for you, is the moment where he becomes something truly special.

 

[almost_dead]

I dont care . I already have enough stress to handle in life to care about what would happen if SS friend CTB . Btw I dont make friends here , only chat acquaintances bcz internet friends are not a good idea . Too risky

 

[262653]

How does one develop friendship through the forum and on chat and then protect oneself if the person ultimately CTBs?

The same way as everywhere else, I guess. People interact with each other, observe and access each other, identify those who seem to be worth making friends with and deploy various strategies to gain their friendship. Interesting how you said "protect oneself in case the friend CTBs". Are you saying that when in one participant of friendship dies, then another one will/might feel hurt? It seems to be true for some of us, looking at the reactions here on the forum.
I don't see the need to protect myself if I had a friend who would CTB. My friend did what he/she wanted to, and doesn't have to feel bad anymore.
Even if I would feel bad, I don't see it as a bad thing because a strong emotional distress has the potential to drive me to CTB, which I see as a good thing.
So it pretty much looks like a win-win to me, but I'm NOT looking for a recovery, and I'd like not to befriend those who do look for a recovery.

 

[LetzteAusfahrt]

I don't think there are strategies to protect you from it. Except, of course, that you refrain from writing to other users.

With that you would give away the greatest advantage of this forum. To be able to speak openly with someone about the ctb without having to be afraid.

You're new here and may have to get used to it. But almost all of us are only here for a short time and want to die soon, want to leave our torments behind and find our peace.

It was also very difficult for me at the beginning, although I have always called death my friend. The pain you experience when a friend leaves is part of the learned appreciation for life. The thought that he has now "lost" his life.

It hurt me incredibly every time, but after a short time the joy outweighed the fact that he now has the release from his pain, which was many times greater than my grief.

If a friend leaves now, I miss him, but it doesn't hurt anymore, I'm happy with him.

I am happy when I can hug him goodbye and wish him a pleasant journey.

I can't give you any advice on how to protect yourself because that is a deeply ingrained part of yourself that makes you grieve. But I know that the stronger the De, the easier it gets

 

[Deleted member 19654]

It definitely hurts when you lose someone you've been talking to. Reggiesaurus left us not that long ago and it was really hard to say goodbye. I was pretty emotional and took a short break from SS. Even though it may have hurt less had I distanced myself, I'm glad I was there as a friend in their last moments. If it pushes me to ctb, then so be it.

 

[BipolarGuy]

This is a good question.
There are a few people I see regularly comment on here and we exchange the odd 'like' or comment.
Then there are people who I message and we seem to get along more and seem to be similar in some ways.

I've had one person tell me that if I ended my life they wouldn't view this forum in the same way and may stop using it altogether.
I feel the same way about some people.

I don't know how to deal with it, but I think it's just the reality of how we're feeling.

 

[death137]

I've one dear friend here. I will be sad if he suicide but I don't think he will leave before me.