P
Paralysed&Poorly
Member
- Jul 19, 2020
- 20
I'm new here but I don't feel new as I've been looking through this site for months and months.
I've never had the courage to actually come on but things are changing at a really fast speed and I need help.
The sad thing is if I wasn't really physically ill things may be different I'm paralysed after an illness and ended up really poorly as well It's been nearly 18 years paralysed and I was kind of coping until I ended up really poorly a few years ago and everything has changed. I'm young I'm not old and I'm stuck. I don't leave the house because of the pain and illnesses. I'm in bed or on the sofa Can't control bodily functions in pain all the time. Had surgeries a few years back that messed GI up so struggle to eat and drink sick all the time and am malnourished because of it.
There's no fix for alot of it and to fix some of the other stuff would mean all sorts of medical intervention that's risky and dangerous all medical professionals say is I'm complicated.
I live with my parents who are trying really hard to look after me and are amazing but I can see how tired they are too. They also know that I want to die and we've argued over it as they can't help me; they also won't help me with assisted suicide process which I cannot do alone due to funds and the practical element of physically getting there. I think there stook in this situation with me but I feel like there getting to the end as there exhausted. I'm scared that eventually they'll say they can't manage anymore and also I'm so sad all the time it's destroying us all I try but I have no hope left.
I have attempted to end it before and came really close was put in a coma and survived. I'm so scared a failed attempt will mean I'll end up physically worse that I couldn't cope with and mentally being sent to physc is my worse nightmare. I don't think I'd cope in a hospital as I am now as everything is that complicated I've been in hospitals and staff don't know how to look after me. I'm more scared a failed attempt would push my parents over the edge and they'd say they couldn't cope anymore. So I cannot fail.
Sorry for all this rambling but just to give you a bit of an idea.
I think N is my only option but I only have my mobile phone not a laptop and my parents open all my parcels as well there helping unless its a letter they don't open letters. How is N from C sent is it all parcels and is there anyway to get this buy using a mobile. I also have no clue about the darkweb. I actually feel trapped in everyway possible. I can see N from A is an email which I can do but it comes down to the parcel then.
I've read through all the resources again and again and I don't know what to do.
I've never had the courage to actually come on but things are changing at a really fast speed and I need help.
The sad thing is if I wasn't really physically ill things may be different I'm paralysed after an illness and ended up really poorly as well It's been nearly 18 years paralysed and I was kind of coping until I ended up really poorly a few years ago and everything has changed. I'm young I'm not old and I'm stuck. I don't leave the house because of the pain and illnesses. I'm in bed or on the sofa Can't control bodily functions in pain all the time. Had surgeries a few years back that messed GI up so struggle to eat and drink sick all the time and am malnourished because of it.
There's no fix for alot of it and to fix some of the other stuff would mean all sorts of medical intervention that's risky and dangerous all medical professionals say is I'm complicated.
I live with my parents who are trying really hard to look after me and are amazing but I can see how tired they are too. They also know that I want to die and we've argued over it as they can't help me; they also won't help me with assisted suicide process which I cannot do alone due to funds and the practical element of physically getting there. I think there stook in this situation with me but I feel like there getting to the end as there exhausted. I'm scared that eventually they'll say they can't manage anymore and also I'm so sad all the time it's destroying us all I try but I have no hope left.
I have attempted to end it before and came really close was put in a coma and survived. I'm so scared a failed attempt will mean I'll end up physically worse that I couldn't cope with and mentally being sent to physc is my worse nightmare. I don't think I'd cope in a hospital as I am now as everything is that complicated I've been in hospitals and staff don't know how to look after me. I'm more scared a failed attempt would push my parents over the edge and they'd say they couldn't cope anymore. So I cannot fail.
Sorry for all this rambling but just to give you a bit of an idea.
I think N is my only option but I only have my mobile phone not a laptop and my parents open all my parcels as well there helping unless its a letter they don't open letters. How is N from C sent is it all parcels and is there anyway to get this buy using a mobile. I also have no clue about the darkweb. I actually feel trapped in everyway possible. I can see N from A is an email which I can do but it comes down to the parcel then.
I've read through all the resources again and again and I don't know what to do.