N From C or A

[Paralysed&Poorly]

I'm new here but I don't feel new as I've been looking through this site for months and months.

I've never had the courage to actually come on but things are changing at a really fast speed and I need help.

The sad thing is if I wasn't really physically ill things may be different I'm paralysed after an illness and ended up really poorly as well It's been nearly 18 years paralysed and I was kind of coping until I ended up really poorly a few years ago and everything has changed. I'm young I'm not old and I'm stuck. I don't leave the house because of the pain and illnesses. I'm in bed or on the sofa Can't control bodily functions in pain all the time. Had surgeries a few years back that messed GI up so struggle to eat and drink sick all the time and am malnourished because of it.

There's no fix for alot of it and to fix some of the other stuff would mean all sorts of medical intervention that's risky and dangerous all medical professionals say is I'm complicated.

I live with my parents who are trying really hard to look after me and are amazing but I can see how tired they are too. They also know that I want to die and we've argued over it as they can't help me; they also won't help me with assisted suicide process which I cannot do alone due to funds and the practical element of physically getting there. I think there stook in this situation with me but I feel like there getting to the end as there exhausted. I'm scared that eventually they'll say they can't manage anymore and also I'm so sad all the time it's destroying us all I try but I have no hope left.

I have attempted to end it before and came really close was put in a coma and survived. I'm so scared a failed attempt will mean I'll end up physically worse that I couldn't cope with and mentally being sent to physc is my worse nightmare. I don't think I'd cope in a hospital as I am now as everything is that complicated I've been in hospitals and staff don't know how to look after me. I'm more scared a failed attempt would push my parents over the edge and they'd say they couldn't cope anymore. So I cannot fail.

Sorry for all this rambling but just to give you a bit of an idea.

I think N is my only option but I only have my mobile phone not a laptop and my parents open all my parcels as well there helping unless its a letter they don't open letters. How is N from C sent is it all parcels and is there anyway to get this buy using a mobile. I also have no clue about the darkweb. I actually feel trapped in everyway possible. I can see N from A is an email which I can do but it comes down to the parcel then.

I've read through all the resources again and again and I don't know what to do.

 

[Paralysed&Poorly]

@disabledandhopeless I read you got N was it easy and was it in a parcel or letter if my parents were to open it would they guess what it was.
I'm nearly 30 and completely trapped in this awful existence I need to figure out how to end this is torture every day

 

[disabledandhopeless]

@disabledandhopeless I read you got N was it easy and was it in a parcel or letter if my parents were to open it would they guess what it was.
I'm nearly 30 and completely trapped in this awful existence I need to figure out how to end this is torture every day

Please send me a PM

 

[Paralysed&Poorly]

It won't let me I think I'm too new.. I will when I'm able

 

[ab2south]

I'm new here but I don't feel new as I've been looking through this site for months and months.

I've never had the courage to actually come on but things are changing at a really fast speed and I need help.

The sad thing is if I wasn't really physically ill things may be different I'm paralysed after an illness and ended up really poorly as well It's been nearly 18 years paralysed and I was kind of coping until I ended up really poorly a few years ago and everything has changed. I'm young I'm not old and I'm stuck. I don't leave the house because of the pain and illnesses. I'm in bed or on the sofa Can't control bodily functions in pain all the time. Had surgeries a few years back that messed GI up so struggle to eat and drink sick all the time and am malnourished because of it.

There's no fix for alot of it and to fix some of the other stuff would mean all sorts of medical intervention that's risky and dangerous all medical professionals say is I'm complicated.

I live with my parents who are trying really hard to look after me and are amazing but I can see how tired they are too. They also know that I want to die and we've argued over it as they can't help me; they also won't help me with assisted suicide process which I cannot do alone due to funds and the practical element of physically getting there. I think there stook in this situation with me but I feel like there getting to the end as there exhausted. I'm scared that eventually they'll say they can't manage anymore and also I'm so sad all the time it's destroying us all I try but I have no hope left.

I have attempted to end it before and came really close was put in a coma and survived. I'm so scared a failed attempt will mean I'll end up physically worse that I couldn't cope with and mentally being sent to physc is my worse nightmare. I don't think I'd cope in a hospital as I am now as everything is that complicated I've been in hospitals and staff don't know how to look after me. I'm more scared a failed attempt would push my parents over the edge and they'd say they couldn't cope anymore. So I cannot fail.

Sorry for all this rambling but just to give you a bit of an idea.

I think N is my only option but I only have my mobile phone not a laptop and my parents open all my parcels as well there helping unless its a letter they don't open letters. How is N from C sent is it all parcels and is there anyway to get this buy using a mobile. I also have no clue about the darkweb. I actually feel trapped in everyway possible. I can see N from A is an email which I can do but it comes down to the parcel then.

I've read through all the resources again and again and I don't know what to do.

I'm so sorry you're going through this, everyone deserves to exit when things are so unbearable that ctb is rational. I wish you well and hope you get N. If you need any help with darknet stuff pm me

 

[Paralysed&Poorly]

I'm so sorry you're going through this, everyone deserves to exit when things are so unbearable that ctb is rational. I wish you well and hope you get N. If you need any help with darknet stuff pm me

Thankyou

.I'm waiting until I can PM and hopefully I'll find out more can I access dark net from my mobile

my biggest concerns are first managing to obtain N then get it to me and im really concerned about customs then the second lot of customs my parents

then if i manage all that which is all pretty slim hope to god it's legit and that i won't throw up i throw up drinking water so im very scared

i keep trying to think of what else i could do and i honestly can't think of anything i keep considering artery cutting but deep down something is telling me thats a really bad option.

I'm petrified of being stuck in this state you wouldn't let an animal live like this

 

[ab2south]

Thankyou

.I'm waiting until I can PM and hopefully I'll find out more can I access dark net from my mobile

my biggest concerns are first managing to obtain N then get it to me and im really concerned about customs then the second lot of customs my parents

then if i manage all that which is all pretty slim hope to god it's legit and that i won't throw up i throw up drinking water so im very scared

i keep trying to think of what else i could do and i honestly can't think of anything i keep considering artery cutting but deep down something is telling me thats a really bad option.

I'm petrified of being stuck in this state you wouldn't let an animal live like this

Do you have a ProtonMail account?

 

[Paralysed&Poorly]

Do you have a ProtonMail account?

I made one when I kept reading on here it's best to have one

I hope I did that right I just went on proton mail and did free account

 

[ab2south]

I made one when I kept reading on here it's best to have one

I hope I did that right I just went on proton mail and did free account

I have one too if you wanna chat

 

[Paralysed&Poorly]

I should be able to pm tomorrow I read on here not to give any other information so we can talk via PM tomorrow

 

[ab2south]

I should be able to pm tomorrow I read on here not to give any other information so we can talk via PM tomorrow

Sounds good

 

[ab2south]

Is A still selling?

 

[EGR92]

Is A still selling?

yes

 

[Living sucks]

Do you have $700-800 ? If not you shouldn't even worry about N and try to find something you can obtain. I'm sorry.. I'm like you.. it's absolutely disgusting to be so trapped

 

[Paralysed&Poorly]

Yes I do have the money just about. I've not even gone into the half of what I'm going through I sometimes think if the world new and could see my life for a week then they would help me to go peacefully. I've had medical people read through stuff and be like wow yet in this country they can't see the suffering there doing by keeping me here.

I understand that my parents are trying to cling on to hope that things will get better despite it all and I also don't think they could ever live with themselves if they helped me. I've just got to figure this out now enough is enough.

 

[Deleted member 14386]

"Don't gamble what you can't afford to lose" - someone smart
If it is likely to be caught by parents it's very risky. I speak from experience of parent(s) open all my mail, I've only ever managed it when they're at work, so the timing is an issue but that's it. Do you have a plan of how to explain it off? It'll either be powder or liquid I believe, depending on the source.

 

[Paralysed&Poorly]

This is where I'm really stuck I don't know if I could pass it off as something else. I keep thinking there must be another way an easier way that hasn't got all this risk but I can't think of one. I'm lay here crying as it just reminds me of how trapped I am.

 

[ab2south]

This is where I'm really stuck I don't know if I could pass it off as something else. I keep thinking there must be another way an easier way that hasn't got all this risk but I can't think of one. I'm lay here crying as it just reminds me of how trapped I am.

Get a ups box or usps box. They email you when a package Arrives, at least ups does then get an Uber to pick you up so you can grab it and have them take you to a hotel or motel after

 

[Living sucks]

Could you possibly tell them you've ordered a gift for them and ask them to not open a box that's coming in the mail ? Maybe also order something for them that is cheap? Tell them 2 boxes are coming and it's a gift you'd like to keep private?
Then leave them the gift with a note or give them the one gift and you have the N for later? Are you able to open the box on your own and hide it somewhere?
The N will be hard to keep down if you throw up water. I'm guessing you can't get meto? Can't you ask the dr for it since you have issues throwing up anyway?

 

[Jazzy]

I really feel for you. I am in a similar situation. I have a severe debilitating illness that confines me to my room. I'm looked after by my elderly mother who opens my parcels

 

[Alucard]

Is C always reliable ?

 

[NeonNinja82]

Does anyone have any experience with the website globalnembutal.com? Wanting to know if their N is legit and if they're a reliable source. Any information would be great. Thanks guys.

 

[ab2south]

Does anyone have any experience with the website globalnembutal.com? Wanting to know if their N is legit and if they're a reliable source. Any information would be great. Thanks guys.

It's a scam

 

[Paralysed&Poorly]

I just keep thinking could I take the chance of ordering N and when it comes say it's testing liquid for ond of my medical machines or if worse come to worse explain and hope they would except that I'd been really stupid and just throw it away. I don't think I could say it was a gift I think they would be more suspicious if I made a point of asking them not to open my stuff
I think I could get meto with the sickness I already have and keeping the N down is a really big worry. I've thought could I get 2 and drink 1.5 and IM muscle inject the other at the same time I dont think I'd have a chance with a vein only muscle

 

[BipolarGuy]

I'm so sorry you're going through this, everyone deserves to exit when things are so unbearable that ctb is rational. I wish you well and hope you get N. If you need any help with darknet stuff pm me

Hello I hope you don't mind me quoting you?

I'm new on this website and it has been suggested that I read this thread.
You mentioned darknet.
I have downloaded For, but don't know anything else.

 

[alexit]

I'm new here but I don't feel new as I've been looking through this site for months and months.

I've never had the courage to actually come on but things are changing at a really fast speed and I need help.

The sad thing is if I wasn't really physically ill things may be different I'm paralysed after an illness and ended up really poorly as well It's been nearly 18 years paralysed and I was kind of coping until I ended up really poorly a few years ago and everything has changed. I'm young I'm not old and I'm stuck. I don't leave the house because of the pain and illnesses. I'm in bed or on the sofa Can't control bodily functions in pain all the time. Had surgeries a few years back that messed GI up so struggle to eat and drink sick all the time and am malnourished because of it.

There's no fix for alot of it and to fix some of the other stuff would mean all sorts of medical intervention that's risky and dangerous all medical professionals say is I'm complicated.

I live with my parents who are trying really hard to look after me and are amazing but I can see how tired they are too. They also know that I want to die and we've argued over it as they can't help me; they also won't help me with assisted suicide process which I cannot do alone due to funds and the practical element of physically getting there. I think there stook in this situation with me but I feel like there getting to the end as there exhausted. I'm scared that eventually they'll say they can't manage anymore and also I'm so sad all the time it's destroying us all I try but I have no hope left.

I have attempted to end it before and came really close was put in a coma and survived. I'm so scared a failed attempt will mean I'll end up physically worse that I couldn't cope with and mentally being sent to physc is my worse nightmare. I don't think I'd cope in a hospital as I am now as everything is that complicated I've been in hospitals and staff don't know how to look after me. I'm more scared a failed attempt would push my parents over the edge and they'd say they couldn't cope anymore. So I cannot fail.

Sorry for all this rambling but just to give you a bit of an idea.

I think N is my only option but I only have my mobile phone not a laptop and my parents open all my parcels as well there helping unless its a letter they don't open letters. How is N from C sent is it all parcels and is there anyway to get this buy using a mobile. I also have no clue about the darkweb. I actually feel trapped in everyway possible. I can see N from A is an email which I can do but it comes down to the parcel then.

I've read through all the resources again and again and I don't know what to do.

its pricey but there are verified sellers