I dream that tomorrow I will be told that I have a very serious illness and that I only have a month to live... like that it would not be my fault and I could not be blamed for cowardly abandoning my loved ones (as with suicide)... or at worst I could kill myself but people will be more tolerant saying that anyway I was doomed
Sweet person, I want to remind you one thing: people, who hadn't known your situation, who hadn't been in your shoes, are
not the ones to judge. No one can judge you.
And, after all, we all, when registrating here, wrote our points to create an account. If it wasnt something serious, you wouldn't write here. If it wasn't something serious, you wouldn't precisely plan ctb. If it wasn't something serious, you wouldn't, as people may think, 'cowardly abandon your loved ones'. If it wasn't something serious, your final option wouldn't been ctb, would it?
Even if people around will judge your choice, I want to remind you that we won't - we understand you. All of us at some point were feeling like you. I hope it will bring some peace to your worries.
Whatever your decision is, I wish you luck with it.