Lara Francis
Enlightened
- Jun 30, 2018
- 1,627
What does recovery even mean?
Staying alive seems to be like chasing that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, it's merely fantasy and too far away.
All my friends are trying desperately to help me and keep me alive and I feel that I am being kind of disrespectful and even unappreciative towards their efforts. I am very fortunate to have a beautiful son who is in care and a few awesome friends.
One of which offered me her home to stay as long as I wanted.
For those who know my wreck of a life during the past couple of years will be familiar with some of the same shit that I say and even I am fed up with repeating myself.
With the court date about 5 weeks away until I find out if I get my boy back, this existence and uncertainty is and continues to break me. I have no appetite, do not want to do anything and feel my grip on life is slipping.
I don't know how long we are expected to live like this. With all the good intentions of any doctors or professionals, there has to be a will and proactive effort from ourselves but if u have nothing left to give or strength left, our struggles can be finally over by our own hand.
I only wish I could find my strength and even see a glimmer of hope but I am so sad and tired with this tug of war and the inner turmoil that is living between life and death.
Staying alive seems to be like chasing that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, it's merely fantasy and too far away.
All my friends are trying desperately to help me and keep me alive and I feel that I am being kind of disrespectful and even unappreciative towards their efforts. I am very fortunate to have a beautiful son who is in care and a few awesome friends.
One of which offered me her home to stay as long as I wanted.
For those who know my wreck of a life during the past couple of years will be familiar with some of the same shit that I say and even I am fed up with repeating myself.
With the court date about 5 weeks away until I find out if I get my boy back, this existence and uncertainty is and continues to break me. I have no appetite, do not want to do anything and feel my grip on life is slipping.
I don't know how long we are expected to live like this. With all the good intentions of any doctors or professionals, there has to be a will and proactive effort from ourselves but if u have nothing left to give or strength left, our struggles can be finally over by our own hand.
I only wish I could find my strength and even see a glimmer of hope but I am so sad and tired with this tug of war and the inner turmoil that is living between life and death.
