Story My therapist told me to wait 6 weeks

[chillino]

Hey :)
So I have been suicidal for more than a year. Last week I had an appointment with my therapist and I told her I am most likely to kill myself. She told me if I do that I will need to end our contact before because she won't be able to handle my death.
(Sorry for my bad English).
And that I need to wait 6 weeks after that. I have a few problems with that: first of all I kind of want her to know that I am dead ... not because I want her to suffer but to have the feeling I mattert? Second I dont have a reliable method and if my attempt doesnt work I dont even have a therapist anymore. These are very selfish reasons.so I dont know what to do. I dont know how I can handle one more day inside my head a but I also have an appointment on wednesday... s do you think I should end the contact before this appointment but with which explanazion? Bevause if I vut her off now she would also kmow why
Because if I cut her off now she would know why*

 

[Shadows From Hell]

I think she wants you to cut communication and wait 6 months so it doesn't look bad on her resume. If you wait, she can say you were doing so much better the last time she saw you, and she has no idea what happened. She's washing the blood off her hands.

 

[chillino]

Hm I dont think that my parents would sue her and she showed me her notes about me being suicidal.. we do have a contract that I am not allowed to kill myself till 30.5
She also said that it would be a waist if I'll kill myself, we do have a genuine relationship and I don't want her to endure more pain because of me..

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'd not tell her anything bc it's not your problem. Once you cancel the sessions/contract she'll know what you're planning to do. She can inform authorities&parents easily and they can interfere faster than you can attempt in this case.

 

[ICan’tSeeTheLight]

I agree with Shadow From Hell, if you can't live with one of your patients dying you wolden't become a therapist or similar. It dose sound like she just don't want to deal with that.

I don't know where you are from but I am feeling skeptical about a contract that says that you're not allowed to ctb before a specific age.

 

[Lamentice]

She sounds bad at her job if this is how she is responding to you.

 

[chillino]

I am from Germany and these anti-suicide-contracts are pretty common here:)
I don't think she'd call the police or other authorities. I mean I basically told her last week that I am very likely to kms and she said I can just lie to the authorities and tell them I won't do anything
i have been with her for 3 years and she told my a few times over the years that she likes me and that I matter to her.
but yeah it doesnt really makes sense to cancel the appointment because she would know anyhow
May I ask what would you expect from a good therapist in this kind of situation?

 

[SASU-KE]

I actually randomly came across this video on YouTube. It's a therapist chasing down her patient who told her he's suicidal. It's a short watch.






There will definitely be some guilt on the part of any therapist.

 

[chillino]

Oh thank you for sharing. Haha my therapist would never do that

 

[Praestat_Mori]

May I ask what would you expect from a good therapist in this kind of situation?

Why are you suicidal? Are there triggers? Circumstances? What did she do to treat these triggers? Did she even find the triggers if you don't know why you're suicidal? That is sth I would expect from a therapist.

Is she able to solve your problem(s)? You seek help for more than 3 years.

 

[chillino]

Yeahh... she might be not so good at her profession. Although it s a bit more complicated than that
However it is nearly impossible to find another therapist

 

[Forveleth]

This sounds disgustingly manipulative, coming from a therapist.

 

[darksouls]

I think you should speak to an independent counseling service in your country about this

 

[chillino]

I mean she also said that the knows that this 6 week-barrier and her comment will put a lot of pressure on me but also she doesnt see anymore options on how to handle my case. And honestly I don't blame her for that. She can try to help me but in the end I need to really save myself and I just dont have enough strengh for that anymore and I just don't see any future for myself. And I already have been in clinics that also couldnt help me in the long term. I think she really wants me to feel better but she is just out of options

 

[darksouls]

it is absolutely unprofessional to manipulate patients,
therapists must not do this

 

[Lamentice]

I am from Germany and these anti-suicide-contracts are pretty common here:)
I don't think she'd call the police or other authorities. I mean I basically told her last week that I am very likely to kms and she said I can just lie to the authorities and tell them I won't do anything
i have been with her for 3 years and she told my a few times over the years that she likes me and that I matter to her.
but yeah it doesnt really makes sense to cancel the appointment because she would know anyhow
May I ask what would you expect from a good therapist in this kind of situation?

A good therapist shouldn't be attached (or really, shouldn't let you know/vocalize that they're attached), they should always remain a 3rd party observer/listener, neutral and professional. I think a therapist saying something like "I like you, you matter to me" is extremely discouraged. The relationship should never blur the lines between personal and professional. It's bad for you & can interfere with their service.

A suicide contract.. I guess if that's normal there then it's just not something I understand the practice of.

I am making an assumption here, but from all you've described.. what does she do, what is she actually offering you as a therapist? Because they're supposed to be educated professionals who offer insight, work with you on building a toolbox of productive coping strategies and positive habits, help process memories/emotions, and usually are in tandem with a psychiatrist who offers more services in relation to medicine. Therapist who are just people you talk at for an hour or two and then centralize themselves within your experience (e.g. "You matter to me.") aren't offering you an educated, professional service, they're basically just there, at that point that's where I believe something like an A.I. chat bot would be of equal value. Where is the insight? The education? The guidance? The invaluable neutrality? These people go to school for these titles, you're paying for their knowledge.

If you're telling her you are in active suicidal ideation she should be asking you questions, gaining information, building a profile, and then going over a treatment plan or course of action in favor of your improvement. After 3 years if she feels her expertise have become ineffective then she should be upfront and recommend you to other professionals to continue your treatment. All you've said is that she told you not to ctb before a certain date, to lie to the police, lose her info, and that she feels x y z way about it: she's not offering you any service at that point, there's no insight or education, just a human in an office that you're paying to speak at.

 

[chillino]

I think you got that very right... I am afraid this therapist can't really offer me any help. That's pretty bad because in Germany you have insurance that covers therapy but only for a limited amount of sessions.
and mine are pretty much gone by now... well well.

 

[E4syW3y0u7]

Damn i'm so shocked about the no-suicide contract, seems so cold ?

I understand it can be to enticize the patient to stay on track with the therapy but it sound quite dehumanizing to me...

I don't know what you should do but at the end of the day you pay for a service and it's their job to "help" you...

 

[darksouls]

I think you got that very right... I am afraid this therapist can't really offer me any help. That's pretty bad because in Germany you have insurance that covers therapy but only for a limited amount of sessions.
and mine are pretty much gone by now... well well.

what do you think might help you ?