angelicEmotophile
New Member
- Dec 31, 2024
- 2
Hey, it's my lore and good-bye thoughts or maybe a text.
Lore: I'm from an abusive household where my bio dad was an alcoholic. He abused my mom and now my mom has mental issues. And that has affected my whole childhood. She loves me but also is not like a mentally sane mother would be. I'm 19 and I live with my mom because of my mental disabilities.
I was diagnosed with depression at the age of 5-6 because of my bullying history, I was bullied at kindergarten and school. Since I was 4 to the age of 17. Mental, physical and verbal bullying.
I started going to therapy and taking pills for my depression at the age of 8-9. Been at therapy almost all my life and nothing has worked, nothing at all. Then I got other diagnosis like BPD, c-ptsd (abuse and rape victim along with bullying, cops and parent abuse) then DDD, psychosis disorders (because of my long term drug abuse.)
Suicide thoughs: I just feel no point in trying to stay alive in this battle, I should finish it and surrender, I'm exhausted. It's like trying to fight an invincible god. Therapy has not worked, psych wards haven't worked and pills haven't worked too. I can't win this battle jm fighting 24/7. I have a plan already, I will do drugs, get myself into psychosis. And cut my wrists and throat open before jumping in front of a speed train. I have fantasized about this plan for so long now. It feel perfect, and I need to do it. I'm too exhausted and beaten to win this battle. I have suicide notes prepared for my family and close ones. I feel sad, yes I even feel guilty. But this universe isn't just the right place.
Lore: I'm from an abusive household where my bio dad was an alcoholic. He abused my mom and now my mom has mental issues. And that has affected my whole childhood. She loves me but also is not like a mentally sane mother would be. I'm 19 and I live with my mom because of my mental disabilities.
I was diagnosed with depression at the age of 5-6 because of my bullying history, I was bullied at kindergarten and school. Since I was 4 to the age of 17. Mental, physical and verbal bullying.
I started going to therapy and taking pills for my depression at the age of 8-9. Been at therapy almost all my life and nothing has worked, nothing at all. Then I got other diagnosis like BPD, c-ptsd (abuse and rape victim along with bullying, cops and parent abuse) then DDD, psychosis disorders (because of my long term drug abuse.)
Suicide thoughs: I just feel no point in trying to stay alive in this battle, I should finish it and surrender, I'm exhausted. It's like trying to fight an invincible god. Therapy has not worked, psych wards haven't worked and pills haven't worked too. I can't win this battle jm fighting 24/7. I have a plan already, I will do drugs, get myself into psychosis. And cut my wrists and throat open before jumping in front of a speed train. I have fantasized about this plan for so long now. It feel perfect, and I need to do it. I'm too exhausted and beaten to win this battle. I have suicide notes prepared for my family and close ones. I feel sad, yes I even feel guilty. But this universe isn't just the right place.
