Story My suck story

[hatehypocrisy]

Should I do that? I keep asking myself over and over again every time when I want to do it.

I don't know what the meaning of my own life is!

I used to be a very optimistic person, I was very simple, very easy to trust people, even though I was hurt a lot by it. But I never wanted to die in the past. The only thing I look forward to in life is to live better and longer. But that all changed a few years ago.

I admit that I have seen a lot of people here whose lives and bodies and mental are a lot worse than mine, but the thoughts I want to commit suicide are still very strong.

I was in very good health, but three years ago I fell and had a fistula that is still there today. Nor do I think I have any mental problems. Maybe I have depression because I always think about suicide, but I've never checked it out. I haven't seen my family for 7 years. Because 7 years ago I left my country of birth. I hate that country so much, it's like hell for me. In those 7 years ago, although I was happier, I was more depressed. The troubles I have here are less than those in my country of birth, but they are more serious here.

During these 7 years, I have changed a lot in order to survive. I work very hard. I work hard to live, earn money, work hard to be nice to people, and work hard to please people. But now I'm so tired, I'm so lonely. I really don't like being alone. Whenever I feel lonely, I say this to myself for comfort: O God, You've done enough, You've robbed me of enough, I'm too tired and old to learn to love, leave me alone forever.

I've been thinking about suicide for a long time, I've searched a lot on the Internet and I've been lied to many times. I've found killers online to kill me, bought cyanide online, bought drugs, bought anything that could kill myself. Even though I waste a lot of money, I get scammed almost every time. Recently, for some reason, it made me think about suicide again. This time I have done a lot of online work and have more experience, and I think I'm on the verge of success.

I bought a helium tank and a hose a few days ago. When I was about to kill myself one night, I realized I might need a few more things like a voltage regulator and an exit bag. I searched for them online and I found here. And then I thought before I quit, I have something to say here. Then you saw this post.

And I do have some questions, if anyone know. After reading a few posts I found out that my balloon helium tank may be too small. It is a capacity for only 30 balloons, is it enough for one person? Are balloon helium tanks only 80% helium? Will helium damage my body or brain if I fail? Does nitrogen have a higher success rate than helium? I just want to do it once and be successful, I don't want to try multiple times.

 

[jodes2]

Argon didn't work for me, even though everyone says it should have. I felt like I was suffocating and always had to rip the bag off. For safety I think most helium tanks have some air in them, so I don't think it's suitable, sorry

 

[hatehypocrisy]

Argon didn't work for me, even though everyone says it should have. I felt like I was suffocating and always had to rip the bag off. For safety I think most helium tanks have some air in them, so I don't think it's suitable, sorry

So the best is nitrogen, and need a lot of it?

 

[jodes2]

So the best is nitrogen, and need a lot of it?

I don't think nitrogen would have worked for me either, my gut tells me. Maybe you'd have better luck with argon than I did, it might just be a quirk of my physiology.

 

[Littlewittlelight]

Should I do that? I keep asking myself over and over again every time when I want to do it.

I don't know what the meaning of my own life is!

I used to be a very optimistic person, I was very simple, very easy to trust people, even though I was hurt a lot by it. But I never wanted to die in the past. The only thing I look forward to in life is to live better and longer. But that all changed a few years ago.

I admit that I have seen a lot of people here whose lives and bodies and mental are a lot worse than mine, but the thoughts I want to commit suicide are still very strong.

I was in very good health, but three years ago I fell and had a fistula that is still there today. Nor do I think I have any mental problems. Maybe I have depression because I always think about suicide, but I've never checked it out. I haven't seen my family for 7 years. Because 7 years ago I left my country of birth. I hate that country so much, it's like hell for me. In those 7 years ago, although I was happier, I was more depressed. The troubles I have here are less than those in my country of birth, but they are more serious here.

During these 7 years, I have changed a lot in order to survive. I work very hard. I work hard to live, earn money, work hard to be nice to people, and work hard to please people. But now I'm so tired, I'm so lonely. I really don't like being alone. Whenever I feel lonely, I say this to myself for comfort: O God, You've done enough, You've robbed me of enough, I'm too tired and old to learn to love, leave me alone forever.

I've been thinking about suicide for a long time, I've searched a lot on the Internet and I've been lied to many times. I've found killers online to kill me, bought cyanide online, bought drugs, bought anything that could kill myself. Even though I waste a lot of money, I get scammed almost every time. Recently, for some reason, it made me think about suicide again. This time I have done a lot of online work and have more experience, and I think I'm on the verge of success.

I bought a helium tank and a hose a few days ago. When I was about to kill myself one night, I realized I might need a few more things like a voltage regulator and an exit bag. I searched for them online and I found here. And then I thought before I quit, I have something to say here. Then you saw this post.

And I do have some questions, if anyone know. After reading a few posts I found out that my balloon helium tank may be too small. It is a capacity for only 30 balloons, is it enough for one person? Are balloon helium tanks only 80% helium? Will helium damage my body or brain if I fail? Does nitrogen have a higher success rate than helium? I just want to do it once and be successful, I don't want to try multiple times.

I am sorry I read it and I am sorry you came to this point I thought of giving info but I can't when it already is available on a web archive. I hope you could find the source. I could say ballon tanks don't work and oxy and carbon sink to the bottom they are heavier. You could check the density of gases to know which would sink and the inert gases don't react with anything in your body so the same gas can be used unless it exits the system(for me it's bag, tent container whatever is around that thing).

 

[brokensea]

I read somewhere a lot of balloon tank manufacturers are adding some amount of oxygen because they know people try to commit suicide this way.

 

[hatehypocrisy]

I am sorry I read it and I am sorry you came to this point I thought of giving info but I can't when it already is available on a web archive. I hope you could find the source. I could say ballon tanks don't work and oxy and carbon sink to the bottom they are heavier. You could check the density of gases to know which would sink and the inert gases don't react with anything in your body so the same gas can be used unless it exits the system(for me it's bag, tent container whatever is around that thing).

I will try to find 100% helium tanks.

I read somewhere a lot of balloon tank manufacturers are adding some amount of oxygen because they know people try to commit suicide this way.

Yes, they also add an unpleasant smell to the balloon helium. Now I finally know why I got it so easily.

 

[Littlewittlelight]

I will try to find 100% helium tanks.

Yes, they also add an unpleasant smell to the balloon helium. Now I finally know why I got it so easily.

I am sorry that you also got scammed this world is really cruel. People are in such bad situation they need to live off the people dealing with problems and most of us are easy prey for them so It makes sense and I am sorry I wasn't talking about the tanks I was talking about the information regarding this one. More facts on this like you can reuse it but there is a lot that goes into this like exhaling and you would still suffocate if you don't exhale then removing the other gases before entering it so it's not like you just get a tank and go about it if you want to learn about it I think it should be available somewhere and about the tanks I think they give it for industrial purpose only.

 

[actual_fox]

Argon didn't work for me, even though everyone says it should have. I felt like I was suffocating and always had to rip the bag off. For safety I think most helium tanks have some air in them, so I don't think it's suitable, sorry

Yeah, this did not work for me either. But It was because of the fact that I could pull of the mask, or in fear that I will fall from chair or sofa and end up with brain damage.

I read somewhere a lot of balloon tank manufacturers are adding some amount of oxygen because they know people try to commit suicide this way.

True, I heard it on this forum too. Many died this way and they started to add oxy, but pure argon for welding is still an option. Be careful with the pressure tho, you do not want 6kg steel cylinder flying around in your room lool.