idreamalone
New Member
- Jul 15, 2026
- 3
Hello, this will be a long one, so prepare.
I was born in Poland and lived there for about 3 years before moving to the Netherlands. We moved around a few times before eventually staying in a flat for the longest.
When it was time for me to start school, I met another kid who also spoke Polish, so we immediately became friends. My mom and his mom also became great friends.
School really sucked though. I was really shy and constantly bullied for being Polish and for being so skinny. I've always struggled to gain weight no matter how much I eat. I've practically tried everything. It wasn't just at school either. Even my family always talked about how skinny I was. I know they probably didn't mean any harm, but constantly hearing comments about my weight made me even more insecure.
I tried my best to make friends with the other kids, but during breaks there was this one girl who bullied me constantly. It went on for years. It got so bad that my mom even wanted to take it to court because the girl ripped my jacket, pushed me down a hill, and did other things like that.
A few grades later, things changed. We actually started getting along much better. Sometimes we'd laugh together and joke around. Slowly, I started developing a crush on her. I know it's embarrassing considering she used to bully me, but I genuinely liked being around her.
When it was time to move on to the next school, I was alone again. I didn't know anyone, and it felt like nobody wanted to know me either. I was still the same shy, skinny kid.
Eventually, I met three guys in my class, and we became friends. We hung out after school and spent a lot of time together. Little did I know, they weren't great friends at all.
A grade later, one of them pushed me into vaping. Another offered to trade me a vape for the gold chain I always wore. Because I was stupid, I agreed. The worst part was that I got scammed too. The last "friend" constantly made fun of me and laughed behind my back.
One day during PE, I decided to text my old crush from my previous school.
We exchanged a few messages and sent each other some pictures from school. Then there was silence for a few days. After that, she'd randomly send another picture, I'd reply with one too, and then we'd go quiet again.
Two years went by, and I was still thinking about her.
One day, while I was outside with my best friend, the Polish kid I mentioned earlier, he offered me two donuts if I confessed to her. I think we stood there for a few hours before I finally made up my mind.
In the end, I decided I wanted the donuts, so I sent her a long paragraph telling her how I felt. Right after I pressed send, my phone died.
We biked back to my best friend's house so I could charge it. When I finally turned it back on and checked for her response, all I saw was a single thumbs up emoji.
"
"
Nothing else.
I didn't know whether that was good or bad, so about two weeks later I texted her again, hoping for a proper answer. Instead, I got a few voice messages.
They were laughing at me.
I don't think I've ever felt so humiliated in my life.
And because I was so desperate, a while later I decided to text her again to hang out, but I ended up getting ghosted.
Eventually, I slowly got over it and developed crushes on other girls, but none of them wanted me. A lot of it felt like it came down to my looks. I'm not the best-looking guy, and every rejection felt like another stab in the chest.
Fast forward a few years to now. I've been working on myself and started going to the gym with my best friend this year. Unfortunately, I started vaping again because another friend I thought was a real friend got me back into it. He also encouraged me to drink every week and pushed me into things I didn't really want to do.
I've cut him off now, and I only have one friend left, my best friend. He's never pressured me into doing anything I didn't want to do and has never done anything to hurt me. He's always been there for me.
My life is actually pretty peaceful now. I haven't vaped for 3 days, which is a huge achievement for me. It might not seem like much to other people, but I'm proud of it. I'm slowly starting to get better and pushing myself to do more things every day. I know I still have a long way to go, but for the first time in a while, it feels like I'm moving in the right direction.
Even though things are slowly getting better, I still struggle a lot mentally. I have suicidal thoughts almost every day, and I deal with existential OCD constantly. Some days are really difficult, and it feels like my mind is fighting against me.
But I'm trying. I'm working on myself, going to the gym, staying away from things that were hurting me, and pushing myself to do more. I'm slowly starting to believe that things can get better.
Even though I can see some improvements, I still struggle with thoughts that are difficult to deal with. Sometimes it feels like the only reason I'm still here is because I want to experience love and connection someday.
This ended up being a pretty long thread, but I tried to tell my story as clearly and simply as I could.
I was born in Poland and lived there for about 3 years before moving to the Netherlands. We moved around a few times before eventually staying in a flat for the longest.
When it was time for me to start school, I met another kid who also spoke Polish, so we immediately became friends. My mom and his mom also became great friends.
School really sucked though. I was really shy and constantly bullied for being Polish and for being so skinny. I've always struggled to gain weight no matter how much I eat. I've practically tried everything. It wasn't just at school either. Even my family always talked about how skinny I was. I know they probably didn't mean any harm, but constantly hearing comments about my weight made me even more insecure.
I tried my best to make friends with the other kids, but during breaks there was this one girl who bullied me constantly. It went on for years. It got so bad that my mom even wanted to take it to court because the girl ripped my jacket, pushed me down a hill, and did other things like that.
A few grades later, things changed. We actually started getting along much better. Sometimes we'd laugh together and joke around. Slowly, I started developing a crush on her. I know it's embarrassing considering she used to bully me, but I genuinely liked being around her.
When it was time to move on to the next school, I was alone again. I didn't know anyone, and it felt like nobody wanted to know me either. I was still the same shy, skinny kid.
Eventually, I met three guys in my class, and we became friends. We hung out after school and spent a lot of time together. Little did I know, they weren't great friends at all.
A grade later, one of them pushed me into vaping. Another offered to trade me a vape for the gold chain I always wore. Because I was stupid, I agreed. The worst part was that I got scammed too. The last "friend" constantly made fun of me and laughed behind my back.
One day during PE, I decided to text my old crush from my previous school.
We exchanged a few messages and sent each other some pictures from school. Then there was silence for a few days. After that, she'd randomly send another picture, I'd reply with one too, and then we'd go quiet again.
Two years went by, and I was still thinking about her.
One day, while I was outside with my best friend, the Polish kid I mentioned earlier, he offered me two donuts if I confessed to her. I think we stood there for a few hours before I finally made up my mind.
In the end, I decided I wanted the donuts, so I sent her a long paragraph telling her how I felt. Right after I pressed send, my phone died.
We biked back to my best friend's house so I could charge it. When I finally turned it back on and checked for her response, all I saw was a single thumbs up emoji.
"
"Nothing else.
I didn't know whether that was good or bad, so about two weeks later I texted her again, hoping for a proper answer. Instead, I got a few voice messages.
They were laughing at me.
I don't think I've ever felt so humiliated in my life.
And because I was so desperate, a while later I decided to text her again to hang out, but I ended up getting ghosted.
Eventually, I slowly got over it and developed crushes on other girls, but none of them wanted me. A lot of it felt like it came down to my looks. I'm not the best-looking guy, and every rejection felt like another stab in the chest.
Fast forward a few years to now. I've been working on myself and started going to the gym with my best friend this year. Unfortunately, I started vaping again because another friend I thought was a real friend got me back into it. He also encouraged me to drink every week and pushed me into things I didn't really want to do.
I've cut him off now, and I only have one friend left, my best friend. He's never pressured me into doing anything I didn't want to do and has never done anything to hurt me. He's always been there for me.
My life is actually pretty peaceful now. I haven't vaped for 3 days, which is a huge achievement for me. It might not seem like much to other people, but I'm proud of it. I'm slowly starting to get better and pushing myself to do more things every day. I know I still have a long way to go, but for the first time in a while, it feels like I'm moving in the right direction.
Even though things are slowly getting better, I still struggle a lot mentally. I have suicidal thoughts almost every day, and I deal with existential OCD constantly. Some days are really difficult, and it feels like my mind is fighting against me.
But I'm trying. I'm working on myself, going to the gym, staying away from things that were hurting me, and pushing myself to do more. I'm slowly starting to believe that things can get better.
Even though I can see some improvements, I still struggle with thoughts that are difficult to deal with. Sometimes it feels like the only reason I'm still here is because I want to experience love and connection someday.
This ended up being a pretty long thread, but I tried to tell my story as clearly and simply as I could.
