transLucyd
Member
- Nov 5, 2024
- 14
I've visited this sites a couples of times and finally decided to register and talk because I'm feeling worse and worse these days,
I'm 27 trans woman from brazil. I've been depressed for nearly all my life. When I was younger I didn't know who I was and was very confused. Around 18 I started to understand myself, but was very masculine looking. Now I started hormones for quite sometime and look very female. But despite that I have never been sadder. My parents don't accept me (they deadname me and call me son), I'm at medschool and it's hard because the people there beehave like spoiled teenagers and I have no friends there. I have a few friends outside, but the reality is that I'm loosing interest in people by the day. I'm mostly attracted to women, and this is being hard to me, very few people in this town are lgbt and even then I was disappointed with the encountered I've had with them. Aside from that, I feel I can't actually hold a healthy relationship, I'm too insecure and I think I am just too socially akward, what only gets worse the more depressed I get.
There is more I wanted to say, but my story is long so maybe I'll tell more as people reply,
But there are things I want to say. Some people say they want to CTB because they feel like a burden. I don't, at least don't in general. I feel like I could be a competent doctor/researcher and also I've always been good at languages, mostly learning them by myself; aside from english I've learned some German, French, Chinese, Latin, ancient Greek, Russian, Turkish and more (some only to a basic extent). I didn't came here to brag or anything, but I want to say all of this to explain that I actually feel doubly wronged and saddened for being put aside in my family and in my enviroment. Maybe it's just this country. I'm living in a relatively small and kinda conservative city. But even when I see people from big cities like my collegues they feel so shallow and only see me as a token friend and don't care for me really. (and honestly I'm afraid of what might happen with Trump wins, he might put Bolsonaro back in power, and both prospects just make me feel more likely to CTB as soon as possible)
Aside from that, I wanted to show how I deal with all of this. This is my teddy bear, Gilbeart. Since I was a child I wanted a teddy bear but my parents didn't want to buy me. So during the pandemic I bought it by myself. I named him Gilbert at first, after W. S. Gilbert from Gilbert and Sullivan, whose operas I love, listen all the time and bring me a sense of understanding and beauty. I love Gilbeart. I just wish I could have been the girl in my avatar and live happly inside his hug.
That's it. I bought SN, and it seems to be a good option. I still want to write some letters of goodbye and a final message before deciding it for real.
I really feel good being able to write this for people who might actually understand me. Thanks in advance for anyone willing to reply to me (productively, of course).
I'm 27 trans woman from brazil. I've been depressed for nearly all my life. When I was younger I didn't know who I was and was very confused. Around 18 I started to understand myself, but was very masculine looking. Now I started hormones for quite sometime and look very female. But despite that I have never been sadder. My parents don't accept me (they deadname me and call me son), I'm at medschool and it's hard because the people there beehave like spoiled teenagers and I have no friends there. I have a few friends outside, but the reality is that I'm loosing interest in people by the day. I'm mostly attracted to women, and this is being hard to me, very few people in this town are lgbt and even then I was disappointed with the encountered I've had with them. Aside from that, I feel I can't actually hold a healthy relationship, I'm too insecure and I think I am just too socially akward, what only gets worse the more depressed I get.
There is more I wanted to say, but my story is long so maybe I'll tell more as people reply,
But there are things I want to say. Some people say they want to CTB because they feel like a burden. I don't, at least don't in general. I feel like I could be a competent doctor/researcher and also I've always been good at languages, mostly learning them by myself; aside from english I've learned some German, French, Chinese, Latin, ancient Greek, Russian, Turkish and more (some only to a basic extent). I didn't came here to brag or anything, but I want to say all of this to explain that I actually feel doubly wronged and saddened for being put aside in my family and in my enviroment. Maybe it's just this country. I'm living in a relatively small and kinda conservative city. But even when I see people from big cities like my collegues they feel so shallow and only see me as a token friend and don't care for me really. (and honestly I'm afraid of what might happen with Trump wins, he might put Bolsonaro back in power, and both prospects just make me feel more likely to CTB as soon as possible)
Aside from that, I wanted to show how I deal with all of this. This is my teddy bear, Gilbeart. Since I was a child I wanted a teddy bear but my parents didn't want to buy me. So during the pandemic I bought it by myself. I named him Gilbert at first, after W. S. Gilbert from Gilbert and Sullivan, whose operas I love, listen all the time and bring me a sense of understanding and beauty. I love Gilbeart. I just wish I could have been the girl in my avatar and live happly inside his hug.
That's it. I bought SN, and it seems to be a good option. I still want to write some letters of goodbye and a final message before deciding it for real.
I really feel good being able to write this for people who might actually understand me. Thanks in advance for anyone willing to reply to me (productively, of course).
