AWeepingWidower

AWeepingWidower

Member
May 16, 2024
23
Apologies,

I'm unsure yet if I will or not CTB but I will say that it is constantly on my mind since May 8th. To preface, I'm 33 as of May 9th and my Fiancé was killed in a car crash on the 8th. One day before my birthday. I've struggled with BPD and Clinical Depression almost my entire life. My Family has dwindled down to almost being non-existent. All that's really left is a handful of "direct family" and side family members. My father being the only prominent figure I don't want to disappoint or hurt. I've spent most of my life fighting the good fight and I thought I was rewarded when I met my significant other. They where my world. My guiding light. My reason and my purpose, and without them, I am lost in a way I've never experienced. I will not go into a sob story to try to make sense to people of how much they meant to me. Just understand I take things very literally and I say this with confidence that they where my entire world. I am back to being truly alone with it only being a week and my "support group" has checked in for two days since. I'm still deciding but I am very heavily leaning in towards CTB and being done with everything. The dead end job, the rat race. Everything. I wish to go where they are more than anything in the world. So I'm trying to learn how to do so in a way that will not traumatize those who discover me. I hope everyone respects my decisions I make and I hope everyone finds peace no matter what form that takes.
 
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Reactions: BrainShower, Ash, Raven2 and 3 others
anne neum

anne neum

Member
Sep 12, 2023
28
deepest and most sincere condolence to you. Though it worths nada.. How are you supposed to live with this? I'd shatter to billion pieces, but I feel your soul is already shattered and some pieces are gone already
If only I could make it easier with words
 
landslide2

landslide2

Arcanist
May 6, 2024
476
your story is just devastating. i am so sorry for your loss.
 
FuneralCry

FuneralCry

Just wanting some peace
Sep 24, 2020
37,447
It sounds like you've suffered a lot, I hope that you eventually find the peace you search for.
 
Raven2

Raven2

Specialist
Dec 1, 2022
342
I'm sorry for your loss. I hope you can find a way to be at peace.
 

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