• ⚠️ UK Access Block Notice: Beginning July 1, 2025, this site will no longer be accessible from the United Kingdom. This is a voluntary decision made by the site's administrators. We were not forced or ordered to implement this block. If you're located in the UK, we recommend using a VPN to maintain access.

sadpigeon

sadpigeon

sad pigeon
May 10, 2025
39
i was born with a rare condition that caused only half of my heart to develop, so i was constantly in and out of hospitals growing up for constant appointments. i also have had a spinal fracture for over a year now that isn't healing, and it makes it even harder to live and gives me constant pain. the only way it would heal is most likely by surgery, but that would just be more suffering that i don't want.
i developed severe anxiety at only 6, and my father began to become very abusive to me and the rest of my family, this was most likely brought on by the stress of having a special needs child. my mother and father were constantly fighting, and my father never wanted to be around me.
i was never much of a good looking guy either. i grew up with terrible body dysmorphia that began at the very beginning of 1st grade, and it only got worse as i got older and uglier. even though i wore sunscreen and protected my skin, i had terrible premature aging, so right now at 18 i look 40. my body is also terribly misshapen, i have comically bad proportions that will keep me single forever (which is fine, i am aro-ace) i have a large stomach and large amounts of back fat but yet i have no ass, it's like a flat board that sits below rows of heavy sand bags. my jaw is uncomfortably crooked, so not only does it disfigure me but it also causes me pain. i've begged for treatment but my mother is too busy with work to take me to the dentist, and my dad is a deadbeat who doesn't want anything to do with me (my parents are divorced now)
i am not sure what i am going to do to ctb, i wanted to go out by sodium nitrite, but it is illegal to buy pure quantities of it in my state and i also can't afford to fork over a hundred dollars to kill myself, so now i am thinking of a self blood chokehold. i'm not sure when ill do it, i have a lot of things coming up in the coming months but im honestly too depressed and sore to care about them.
 
  • Hugs
  • Aww..
  • Like
Reactions: sadworm, Catchingdabus27, pthnrdnojvsc and 5 others
bankai

bankai

Enlightened
Mar 16, 2025
1,671
I'm sorry. if anything, you deserve more love and care from your parents. I'll never understand having kids and trying to absolve yourself of the responsibility like your dad does.
 
MeSauce

MeSauce

Bored of Life.
Jun 1, 2023
74
I mean, rope will only set you back around $30 for quality, strong rope.
 
sadworm

sadworm

sad worm on the ground
Dec 17, 2023
5
I was inclined to read because my username is sadworm and you are sadpigeon lol but on a serious note, I understand where you're coming from with the chronic pain part. having that on top of everything else already being so shit makes life feel even more hopeless. I hope you can find some sort of peace at some point despite it all <3
 
C

ChrisFromEarth

Member
May 12, 2025
56
I am touched by your post. There is no god, no justice. I hope you will find a reason to stay and get the treatment you deserve.
 

Similar threads

HumanoidMonster
Replies
2
Views
161
Suicide Discussion
HumanoidMonster
HumanoidMonster
2muchpain2
Replies
2
Views
181
Suicide Discussion
2muchpain2
2muchpain2
SoulWhisperer
Replies
9
Views
351
Suicide Discussion
SoulWhisperer
SoulWhisperer
lv-nii
Replies
3
Views
116
Suicide Discussion
bankai
bankai
ineedtogetout
Replies
2
Views
249
Suicide Discussion
FuneralCry
FuneralCry