Story My Story, My Method.

[Brick In The Wall]

This is my story, or atleast part of it. I'm a 32 year old male born on the east coast of the US. I've struggled with chronic depression most of my life but when I lost my mother abruptly at 21 I thought it would be the end. She was the only person who really understood me and loved me.

Just when I thought it was over I met my wife and she completely saved me from disaster. We were meant to be and we clicked on all levels instantly. The only problem was she lived on the west coast while I lived on the east.

That didn't stop us, we were of age and I flew down there and we literally ran away in the middle of the night. We flew back to the east coast and found an apartment for us both, neither of us had even lived on our own before.

There were minor ups and downs but we were very happy for about 5 or 6 years until she got pregnant with our first son. That time in our life was slightly chaotic as now we had to find a new living situation and prepare for our son. We just managed to get everything settled right near the end of her pregnancy.

About two years after my son was born I was afflicted with a nervous system disorder. I nearly died and it threw me into a depressive state but yet again my wife was there to save me. I started to drown my sorrows in alcohol but me and my wife weren't fighting and we were still on good terms.

She became pregnant with my second son and I stopped drinking to get everything back in order for his birth. Everything was great until more recently. I took on two jobs and schooling to try to get ahead as my sons were starting to get older and more costly.

With the long hours and little sleep I turned to drinking again. The stress of everything caused me and my wife to start fighting off and on. We had a few semi major incidents but we had always managed to smooth things over.

Things continued like this for a few years until recently. We had another fight but this one was different. She had me jailed on an emergency RO and I haven't been able to contact them since.

After nearly 13 years of marriage and two boys 6 and 4 years of age I feel like this might be it. I'm currently holding out to see how things play out but I can't and won't make it through this if I lose my family. I'm incredibly alone and slightly conflicted at this point as I face both of my sons birthdays and Christmas in the same month. But again I won't continue without my family.

My method is SN and I've been able to quickly build a full kit. If it comes to it I will fast for 48 hours while taking Meto every 8 hrs until the end of the 48. I will ingest Tagamet and have two cups of 25Gs of loudwolf to chase it down with not long after.

Thank you for taking the time to read my story.

 

[Daniela]

You're not taking it at home with people around?

 

[Enigma]

You haven't lost your boys, this arrangement is not forever. When they are old enough to make their own decisions, high chances are that they would love to be in your life. I've seen this happen every time as long as there has been no abuse.

 

[Stan]

I am so sorry to hear your story. part of my reason to go is this. It is terrible how a mother can weaponize their children and actively work to distance them from their father. I can only share my experience, it maybe completely different for you so don't take this as it will be the same for you. You could spend thousands on a lawyer trying to get access, in the UK for example, there is no legislation to support the father. If the mother says 'no', then no it is. You have wasted your time and money. The mother may actively vilify you to the children and replace you with another man. Even when they grow up and become young adults, this effect may carry through and despite your attempt to reach out, they could be ignored. I personally waited for this and am in more distress because it did not work out.

I don't have words to comfort you. I don't have empty promises that things will get better. I will say it completely hinges on the mother. Whether at a level you still have a friendly relationship with her which is the key to all this. These stories are sadly becoming too common and I genuinely feel for you.

I've seen this happen every time as long as there has been no abuse.

Sadly that is not the case for everyone.

 

[Brick In The Wall]

You're not taking it at home with people around?

No, I can't go home because of the RO. I wouldn't do it around them anyways. I plan to begin fasting and meto while I climb a nearby mountain. Once I get to the top I will continue to fast and continue to stay awake until it's time. Hopefully it doesn't come to this though.

You haven't lost your boys, this arrangement is not forever. When they are old enough to make their own decisions, high chances are that they would love to be in your life. I've seen this happen every time as long as there has been no abuse.

Her family will poison their minds against me. They hate that I convinced her to run away with me. I dunno how I'd cope without her and the boys for long periods of time either.

@Stan Thank you for the understanding. I'm sorry you've been in a similar situation. I understand and have seen how the courts work against men. I don't plan on hiring a lawyer as it's futile and a waste as you've said. At the hearing I will express my love for my family and tell the judge that I refuse to testify against my wife. That I will respect her wishes and she's welcome to any earthly materials I possess.

 

[Enigma]

Her family will poison their minds against me. They hate that I convinced her to run away with me. I dunno how I'd cope without her and the boys for long periods of time either.
[/QUOTE]

You can explain your side of the story once they turn 18. Make contact, show them love. They will judge you by your actions, not gossip.

 

[Stan]

You can explain your side of the story once they turn 18. Make contact, show them love. They will judge you by your actions, not gossip.

That is great in Hollywood films, but reality and experience says otherwise

 

[Brick In The Wall]

That is great in Hollywood films, but reality and experience says otherwise

This guy gets it. You're probably my future self if this doesn't work out and I don't ctb for a while.

 

[Stan]

This guy gets it. You're probably my future self if this doesn't work out and I don't ctb for a while.

it's gamble if you stay, not saying the reward is not worth it, just giving my advice. I know my ex-wife has a tight knit family so it was me against all of them. If you can manage to develop a working relationship wit your wife then it's plain and simple. Mine worked hard to erase me from history and did a damn good job. Even when they went to university and i made a huge effort, it came to nothing. But that is my story, not yours.

 

[Dazedandconfused32]

This guy gets it. You're probably my future self if this doesn't work out and I don't ctb for a while.

We don't know yet if she's going to hold the RO for that long, do we? She could have a change of heart? Right? You said their birthdays and Christmas are in the same month. It doesn't sound like she's there as in cutting ties completely, at least to me anyways. You may just have needed this as some sort of wake up call, to really change things. I.e. the drinking etc. have you thought about this?

 

[Brick In The Wall]

We don't know yet if she's going to hold the RO for that long, do we? She could have a change of heart? Right? You said their birthdays and Christmas are in the same month. It doesn't sound like she's there as in cutting ties completely, at least to me anyways. You may just have needed this as some sort of wake up call, to really change things. I.e. the drinking etc. have you thought about this?

It could really go either way yes. I've considered that it could be a wake up call yes and I've been clean since the incident. I'm willing to make changes to make it work but I still have a bad feeling. There are a few small things I won't discuss here which point towards this going badly. That's why I was quick to build my SN kit so I atleast have it as an option.

 

[Rachel74]

You're not taking it at home with people around?

He's not stupid!
You have your boys to live for and your wife, she's is frightened and scared at the moment. Her perfect marriage as gone and she hurting like you are. Try and salvage what you have and stop drinking and start taking medication. You still have a lot to live for

 

[Soul]

My partner's ex-wife did this to him. He never abused anyone, and the courts told her she had to honour his visitation rights, and she said he'd have to bring cops with him each time. He elected not to put everyone through that, hoping that when his son grew up they could form their own relationship. That never happened. He's reached out a few times but all his son "knows" is the nasty crap his mother raised him on.

@Brick In The Wall, I'm sorry you're dealing with this. Children should never be weaponized, and visitation isn't divorce court to parade grievances. Please consider continuing to reach out to your children - make videos for them, write letters to them. No matter what you decide to do, they'll have a way to know something of you and that you love them. x

 

[Brick In The Wall]

@Rachel74 @Soul Thank you both very much. Some words of wisdom from you both on the matter. I'm definitely not giving up on my family yet. But it's somewhat comforting to know you have options, as I'm sure both of you understand.

I've always tried to plan multiple steps ahead in life. I had to put certain fail safes in place. I wouldn't have the ability to do so if I took my time on this.

 

[peacechoice]

Im so sorry that you're life has been complete hell. No one deserves this. I am sorry and unfortunately understand where you're coming from.

 

[feast or famine]

This thread just got bumped. I read your story and I'm hoping things have improved for you since then.

 

[Ghost2211]

Sending many hugs friend. Your story is a sad one. I hope you're able to see your little ones more now.

 

[puppy9]

This is my story, or atleast part of it. I'm a 32 year old male born on the east coast of the US. I've struggled with chronic depression most of my life but when I lost my mother abruptly at 21 I thought it would be the end. She was the only person who really understood me and loved me.

Just when I thought it was over I met my wife and she completely saved me from disaster. We were meant to be and we clicked on all levels instantly. The only problem was she lived on the west coast while I lived on the east.

That didn't stop us, we were of age and I flew down there and we literally ran away in the middle of the night. We flew back to the east coast and found an apartment for us both, neither of us had even lived on our own before.

There were minor ups and downs but we were very happy for about 5 or 6 years until she got pregnant with our first son. That time in our life was slightly chaotic as now we had to find a new living situation and prepare for our son. We just managed to get everything settled right near the end of her pregnancy.

About two years after my son was born I was afflicted with a nervous system disorder. I nearly died and it threw me into a depressive state but yet again my wife was there to save me. I started to drown my sorrows in alcohol but me and my wife weren't fighting and we were still on good terms.

She became pregnant with my second son and I stopped drinking to get everything back in order for his birth. Everything was great until more recently. I took on two jobs and schooling to try to get ahead as my sons were starting to get older and more costly.

With the long hours and little sleep I turned to drinking again. The stress of everything caused me and my wife to start fighting off and on. We had a few semi major incidents but we had always managed to smooth things over.

Things continued like this for a few years until recently. We had another fight but this one was different. She had me jailed on an emergency RO and I haven't been able to contact them since.

After nearly 13 years of marriage and two boys 6 and 4 years of age I feel like this might be it. I'm currently holding out to see how things play out but I can't and won't make it through this if I lose my family. I'm incredibly alone and slightly conflicted at this point as I face both of my sons birthdays and Christmas in the same month. But again I won't continue without my family.

My method is SN and I've been able to quickly build a full kit. If it comes to it I will fast for 48 hours while taking Meto every 8 hrs until the end of the 48. I will ingest Tagamet and have two cups of 25Gs of loudwolf to chase it down with not long after.

Thank you for taking the time to read my story.

I thought you're in your 50s because you're so wise. I've been calling you Mr Bricks with that in my mind.

I'm sorry that you lost your mother. I'm afraid that I'll lose my mother too. Even though our relationships are complicated, I still love her.

I can't imagine the pain to not able to see your precious children. If I was a Dad I would be devastated to not able to give em a warm hug.

Reading how much you love your kids make me wanna be a Dad too.

 

[AnotherBrick]

Piling onto the well wishes here. I know these are really just words on a screen - and I'm not exactly a sage - but I feel for you. Sounds like you really put effort into making things work with the jobs and piling an education on top of that. I can't imagine trying to support a family in this world. Things are really rough. I hope you find the strength you need.

 

[Brick In The Wall]

Im so sorry that you're life has been complete hell. No one deserves this. I am sorry and unfortunately understand where you're coming from.

This thread just got bumped. I read your story and I'm hoping things have improved for you since then.

Sending many hugs friend. Your story is a sad one. I hope you're able to see your little ones more now.

I thought you're in your 50s because you're so wise. I've been calling you Mr Bricks with that in my mind.

I'm sorry that you lost your mother. I'm afraid that I'll lose my mother too. Even though our relationships are complicated, I still love her.

I can't imagine the pain to not able to see your precious children. If I was a Dad I would be devastated to not able to give em a warm hug.

Reading how much you love your kids make me wanna be a Dad too.

Piling onto the well wishes here. I know these are really just words on a screen - and I'm not exactly a sage - but I feel for you. Sounds like you really put effort into making things work with the jobs and piling an education on top of that. I can't imagine trying to support a family in this world. Things are really rough. I hope you find the strength you need.

Thank you all so very much! I use this thread to show what originally brought me here instead of typing it out each time the question is posed. I didn't intend for it to be bumped but it's okay that it was as It'll give me a chance to provide an update.

In late December of '19 after this thread I ended up booking a room at a hotel and nearly completing the 48 hr SN regimen. I got a call from someone near and dear to me in the final few hours of my plan that gave me hope to continue.

Since then I've basically rebuilt my entire life from scratch. I've done a relatively good job at doing so but I'm still very much on the edge of another attempt. Chronic depression has always been a lifelong struggle but even more so now.

I still haven't seen my children but as long as I'm alive I will never give up that fight.

@puppy9 I'm only 33 now as this thread was a year ago but I still very much appreciate the respect you show me! Again thank you all for the support and I'll provide updates if there is any major changes.

 

[MichaelNomad123]

Good for you brother. You're a model for us all.

 

[sadworld]

Wow, this was more than a year ago! Thank you for sharing your story again

 

[Symbiote]

Didn't know you so well, but now I do. I have no kids, but my marriage is spiraling down as well. I had talked to a few people on here and thought about some things as well on what I can do to improve my situation if I wish. I also have the kit ready to go in case things don't go the way they want to. Thanks for sharing your story!

 

[Brick In The Wall]

Good for you brother. You're a model for us all.

That's very flattering, I'm no role model by any means. My life is a wreck but that's why most of us are here after all.

Wow, this was more than a year ago! Thank you for sharing your story again

Thank you Sadworld for the love. We've just started talking really but you seem cool as shit, keep doing you!

Didn't know you so well, but now I do. I have no kids, but my marriage is spiraling down as well. I had talked to a few people on here and thought about some things as well on what I can do to improve my situation if I wish. I also have the kit ready to go in case things don't go the way they want to. Thanks for sharing your story!

Thank you for reading it. I'm sorry your marriage is spiraling and I'm here if you ever want to talk about it



So much has changed in my life this past year. More than I could post in my original update and not just my main method either. I think I may continue to update this thread as a reminder to myself of where I'm at and where I started (here).