My stalker is back

[melancholymallory03]

My stalker is back, along with strep throat. This individual is counting on me ctb. I sometimes feel like he'd win if so. I wish I could atleast ctb without him having some " say over things" I've had homicidal thoughts , suicidal thoughts and extreme emotional deregulation . Sometimes it's so confusing and embarrassing. I could seriously hurt myself and then hours later claim to be okay but know what's coming next. It's just exhaustion. Even in my happiest moments I know what needs to happen one day …. I just wonder what day that will be. I've always been a sucker for the whole new years thing so I may do it then, new year new dead family member ? Not funny. But atleast people would move on quite fast
Can't wait that long though so maybe my birthday, it passed tho……. So maybe just whenever. I have trouble accessing methods other than overdose. I wish I could access heroin, *mushrooms for the fear*( they can improve mental health so I'm not sure why sometimes they can be really unpredictable for me, I wanted to cut myself just to watch it bleed . Or meet " god" then get into the bath with a lot of sleeping meds. This seems like the most pleasant way to go. I just don't want to scare anyone finding me , and I don't want anything extra gory. I wish I could find a perfect method ……. I over analyze everything

 

[Worndown]

Do you have any way to avoid or stop this stalker? Any legal method to hold them back? What control do they have over you?
Life is complicated enough without adding a stalker to the mix.
I hope you can find a solution soon.

 

[Iamtired]

My stalker is back, along with strep throat. This individual is counting on me ctb. I sometimes feel like he'd win if so. I wish I could atleast ctb without him having some " say over things" I've had homicidal thoughts , suicidal thoughts and extreme emotional deregulation . Sometimes it's so confusing and embarrassing. I could seriously hurt myself and then hours later claim to be okay but know what's coming next. It's just exhaustion. Even in my happiest moments I know what needs to happen one day …. I just wonder what day that will be. I've always been a sucker for the whole new years thing so I may do it then, new year new dead family member ? Not funny. But atleast people would move on quite fast
Can't wait that long though so maybe my birthday, it passed tho……. So maybe just whenever. I have trouble accessing methods other than overdose. I wish I could access heroin, *mushrooms for the fear*( they can improve mental health so I'm not sure why sometimes they can be really unpredictable for me, I wanted to cut myself just to watch it bleed . Or meet " god" then get into the bath with a lot of sleeping meds. This seems like the most pleasant way to go. I just don't want to scare anyone finding me , and I don't want anything extra gory. I wish I could find a perfect method ……. I over analyze everything

Please block him . For good I'm serious that is disgusting and unhealthy and he is a terrible person. Why do you stay in contact with him?

 

[melancholymallory03]

Please block him . For good I'm serious that is disgusting and unhealthy and he is a terrible person. Why do you stay in contact with him?

He threatens the safety of my loved ones.

to make me give in he knows they are all I care about at times.

called my hometown police but he was only ever charged with criminal harassment, and given low supervised probation. I live in quite a small town and I can't ask for help and my family's been burdened enough by this. and it's all been lifted. His charges I guess- fear he will never give up. Mostly I fear for my family. I couldn't ask the police for help.i swear to you
At around 15 I called them because he showed up right beside my apartment building , where me and my friend used to smoke. stalking me. calling me names until I went into a completely sensory overload, pulled a knife on him that a friend and I always had for smoking at night. Especially outside at that age. Him ( being 26) at the time and it being a small town this all may be hard to believe but I swear it and then the police were called. And they took me for having the knife

That was the moment I knew I would never ask them for help again.

Do you have any way to avoid or stop this stalker? Any legal method to hold them back? What control do they have over you?
Life is complicated enough without adding a stalker to the mix.
I hope you can find a solution soon.

Thank you so much, unfortunately I don't because the police are not always great with online crimes and they don't see it as an immediate danger. Only I know it's escalating I suppose nobody believes me
:( my orchard has just died so I may take some time off here and try to mourn it. It was special and beautiful. I took care of the blue one for so long I can't understand but I know maybe it was me , or the conditions here. I just couldn't believe it. Plants are so beautiful and innocent
Except Venus fly traps I guess lol