Venting my soulmate is ruining my life

[sillypuppygirl]

tw r*pe :( :(

man i'm so done with life. i was in therapy a couple days ago. we've been talking about how my dad has emotionally left me since i've became an adult and she thinks thats the reason why i'm so unmotivated to do anything anymore. when in reality its because my boyfriend r*ped me when i turned 18, 3 years ago on my birthday. i guess i shouldn't say soulmate. a soulmate wouldn't do that. dumbest part is i'm still with him because he's all i have left in this miserable life. i stay with him, i'm miserable. i leave, i'm also miserable. he's all i know. but being with him is ruining my life. i wish the answer was breaking up with him and recovering but i just don't see that ever happening for me. every time i feel myself getting happier i just want to ruin it again, because sadness is all i know. and it's all i ever want to know because i find a comfort in being sad. im just waiting for the day im brave enough to ctb because i actually dont have anything to live for. this post is all over the place but whatever. just getting my feelings out without being judged

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I mean, you also seem miserable with him. If you are going to end up miserable either way then why not just leave him? It's not like being with someone who raped you is better than being all alone.

 

[sillypuppygirl]

a fear of loneliness i guess. and it doesnt really matter all that much to me anyway because im going to ctb either way

 

[whywere]

This broke my heart, and I wish that you can find happiness, as reading this over again, I get such a strong feeling that you are a wonderfully kind and caring soul and I hope that you can have a happier life.

Never ever nosey, but my one question in general is, would a real boyfriend r*pe a young lady? Not in my book, as far as sex goes no means no and that applies to both a man and a woman.

You are much to valuable and worthy of a person not to have a good life.

I try to be here as much as I can, and you can always talk with me if you ever want to, that is what family does for each other.

Walter

 

[Worndown]

A short comment:
You will not leave him because he is all you know.
You do not know death, but you are willing to give it a try.
It might be prudent to leave him and see how that goes.
Death can wait.

 

[yowai]

I also feel kind of trapped with my partner, had horrible experiences because of him and often wish we would just break up but at the same time he's the only person close to me besides my family and I've never bonded with someone so hard like with him :/

 

[tomyumgoong]

tw r*pe :( :(

man i'm so done with life. i was in therapy a couple days ago. we've been talking about how my dad has emotionally left me since i've became an adult and she thinks thats the reason why i'm so unmotivated to do anything anymore. when in reality its because my boyfriend r*ped me when i turned 18, 3 years ago on my birthday. i guess i shouldn't say soulmate. a soulmate wouldn't do that. dumbest part is i'm still with him because he's all i have left in this miserable life. i stay with him, i'm miserable. i leave, i'm also miserable. he's all i know. but being with him is ruining my life. i wish the answer was breaking up with him and recovering but i just don't see that ever happening for me. every time i feel myself getting happier i just want to ruin it again, because sadness is all i know. and it's all i ever want to know because i find a comfort in being sad. im just waiting for the day im brave enough to ctb because i actually dont have anything to live for. this post is all over the place but whatever. just getting my feelings out without being judged

you deserve to find someone that won't violate you or take advantage of you like that. this weekend, i left my long-term relationship for a similar reason. it's been lonely and hard. but it's worth seeing what life is like without a cruel presence to distort your vision, even if you still end up deciding to CTB. be gentle with yourself.

 

[iamanavalanche]

hi star catcher ♡
ive also been raped by a boyfriend i had when i was 16. we stayed together for a year after the rapes. i felt like he was my soulmate, he was the person i felt that i would marry and be with forever. i could not imagine life without him. i hope you know that there is a better love than this that you deserve. there is a way out of this relationship that can lead towards a better life ♡