Venting My SN arrived, but I'm not ready

[Covalite]

I got the SN but I haven't opened the package yet. I'm still waiting on getting an antiemetic prescription. Any ways my life could still go up and up but I don't have much hope. If what i fear and what is likely to come (me being homeless again) I will be ready for it. I got SN not because i want to ctb right now, but because i want to be prepared if my life get ruined, this time irreparably. I still plan to post a good bye thread if i where and need to ctb. I just hope this time (if and when it happens) I'm not a coward or someone "saves" me.

 

[LateForTheBus]

I get it. I've had my SN and other meds for a few weeks now. I've just been trying to get my affairs in order, house cleaned, etc. first, which has been especially difficult because I've been too physically exhausted to do what I need. But it's comforting knowing that everything is here, ready whenever I am.

 

[Rumi]

My struggles pale in comparison to your own; I don't know how I would cope in your situation.

You are very brave.

 

[AkaRed]

Whatever you decide, you are incredibly brave and I only wish you make the best decision for yourself. I hope things do look up for you though in the long run.
<3

 

[10000DaysTooMany]

I just received my AE today; I have everything I need now for my SN attempt. I still need to write out my notes and collect addresses for everyone back home. I'm so conflicted on if I should CTB relatively soon or wait a few more years so my loved ones can get the life insurance money. I really don't want to wait that long but it would help them all a lot.

 

[Covalite]

My struggles pale in comparison to your own; I don't know how I would cope in your situation.

You are very brave.

Just becuase you think your problems are less bad doesn't mean you arn't suffering. Comparing pain will only hurt you in the long run.

 

[Rumi]

Just becuase you think your problems are less bad doesn't mean arn't suffering. Comparing pain will only hurt you in the long run.

In general, comparisons, are pointless, but there are certain experiences that are... just different.

I have never been homeless, and I am very fortunate to have never been. That's all I meant.

 

[Covalite]

I get it. I've had my SN and other meds for a few weeks now. I've just been trying to get my affairs in order, house cleaned, etc. first, which has been especially difficult because I've been too physically exhausted to do what I need. But it's comforting knowing that everything is here, ready whenever I am.

Im glad you feel comfortered by a plan. It brings me comfort as well preparing for the worst. I hope you make the choice which is best for you

I just received my AE today; I have everything I need now for my SN attempt. I still need to write out my notes and collect addresses for everyone back home. I'm so conflicted on if I should CTB relatively soon or wait a few more years so my loved ones can get the life insurance money. I really don't want to wait that long but it would help them all a lot.

Do what you heart says, sometimes you need to be selfish other times helping others will make you remebered in the eyes of others in better light. Its hard choice but im confident you will make the right one.

 

[Uncensored]

I hope it doesn't get to the point where you need to ctb, but if it does it's, of course, up to you and you are definitely very brave

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

There is no need to rush. You can choose to CTB later if things get worse. I wouldn't open the sn until you are ready to use it. Unless you just meant opening the box.

 

[Covalite]

There is no need to rush. You can choose to CTB later if things get worse. I wouldn't open the sn until you are ready to use it. Unless you just meant opening the box.

I ment opening the shipping box. And yeah i have no plans to rush anything. I want to be 100% sure

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

I ment opening the shipping box. And yeah i have no plans to rush anything. I want to be 100% sure

I did open the box as well but I didn't open the bottle. It's hidden in a safe place.

 

[10000DaysTooMany]

Do what you heart says, sometimes you need to be selfish other times helping others will make you remebered in the eyes of others in better light. Its hard choice but im confident you will make the right one.

I will. Time will tell as to when it feels right. I just spent the last three hours getting my suicide not exactly how I want it. I still need to add paragraphs for each of my loved ones on their own note. but the base note is made, having everything I need to CTB is a huge weight off my shoulders. And having my base note typed now feels like I'm beginning to be prepared for the end.

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be a relief to have the option of SN so that you aren't trapped here anymore, none of us should be forced to suffer in the hell that is existence, it truly is horrible how there is so much endless suffering in this world. But anyway I wish you the best.