My sister has been pressing me to prepare CVs

[whatevs]

But I'm too tired and depressed. I don't see how a job with people I will probably loathe or not relate with would save me. My experience is that it seems to be equal to not doing anything and rot at home with the music and books you enjoy. I mean, I got engrossed with the programs I had to make in the internship but it was like a desperate race forwards, while realizing I'm working but not enjoying life, so there's no net gain, only slight loss or no loss and no gains.

I don't know what to do. I genuinely hate our society with the same intensity the Unabomber did but I'm not a solitary terrorist nor I could become one with my poor energy levels and nonexistent motivation. And I haven't slept well enough to function normally in 10 years and doctors could never figure out why.

 

[DynamicDepression]

I feel you, mate. My family is constantly on my back on finding a job or going back to school even though I'm disabled and severely depressed. I know that they mean well and I'm sure your sister does too, but they really don't understand that just waking up in the morning can take all the energy you have.

 

[whatevs]

I feel you, mate. My family is constantly on my back on finding a job or going back to school even though I'm disabled and severely depressed. I know that they mean well and I'm sure your sister does too, but they really don't understand that just waking up in the morning can take all the energy you have.

Depression. Disability (42% for me). When barely existing is a 9 to 5 job. Honestly, often it feels like just finding something not too demanding to make the day bearable is enough to use up all my energy.

And then my sister go frustrated with me and said that she might as well give up on me. I mean, I wasn't mad, more like 'Hmm well that could make sense'. She has never understood the problems I faced, but has always tried to support me. She even lost 1000€ that she and her boyfriend gave me for cryptocurrency 'investing' (gambling, lol). She said she believed in me and that I was smart yada yada. Well in some ways I'm smart, but IMO never in the ways that actually make life worth a damn.

 

[GentleJerk]

I swear this is one of the reasons why people grow cannabis. Be your own damn boss, no shitty co-workers, fulfilling and peaceful work that produces actual tangible results that you watch grow, measure and hold in your hand at the end of the day. You can judge your own level of expertise and qualifications by listening to your crop, not some wage cuck.

 

[LoveYoux]

I haven't slept well enough to function normally in 10 years

Not trying to be facetious but have you tried sleeping tablets? x

 

[DynamicDepression]

Depression. Disability (42% for me). When barely existing is a 9 to 5 job. Honestly, often it feels like just finding something not too demanding to make the day bearable is enough to use up all my energy.

And then my sister go frustrated with me and said that she might as well give up on me. I mean, I wasn't mad, more like 'Hmm well that could make sense'. She has never understood the problems I faced, but has always tried to support me. She even lost 1000€ that she and her boyfriend gave me for cryptocurrency 'investing' (gambling, lol). She said she believed in me and that I was smart yada yada. Well in some ways I'm smart, but IMO never in the ways that actually make life worth a damn.

I couldn't have said it better myself. When I attempted to work, it left me an even more shell of a person than I am normally. Getting the energy back from a single workday would take days.

Although easier said than done, I would try not to take what she said to heart. It sounds to me like she was just expressing her frustration in a crass way. From the sounds of it, she really loves you and it hurts seeing your loved ones in pain. I can imagine that it must be rough for her to not understand your problems. Not justifying her behavior, just providing a different perspective.

 

[whatevs]

Not trying to be facetious but have you tried sleeping tablets? x

Why do you end your posts with 'x'?

If someone has faced 10 fucking years of suicide-inducing sleep dysfunction you can be damn sure that person has seen dozens of doctors, shrinks, even shamans and a god damn priest lol

 

[LoveYoux]

Why do you end your posts with 'x'?

If someone has faced 10 fucking years of suicide-inducing sleep dysfunction you can be damn sure that person has seen dozens of doctors, shrinks, even shamans and a god damn priest lol

It must be very intrusive, frustrating above anything. What advice did they give, the doctors etc, and did any of it help, even in the slightest? x

 

[whatevs]

It must be very intrusive, frustrating above anything. What advice did they give, the doctors etc, and did any of it help, even in the slightest? x

Nothing has ever helped, and I even went to a quack doctor that sucked the shit out of my colon with a quack machine and the help of a rowdy nurse.

In terms of allopathic doctors and psychiatrists almost everything they prescribed made me sleep worse, with the exception of Ambien that worked well for two weeks but I'm now completely immune to it.

 

[LoveYoux]

Bloody hell. Sounds like you're a phenomenon x

 

[whatevs]

Bloody hell. Sounds like you're a phenomenon x

Phenomenon X, I like it...

 

[Foresight]

Your sister's concern and care for you is nice.

The way I worked through this was to work my way up extremely slowly. I did jobs in the beginning that were easy. I never was an achiever searching for a challenge, just working on something easy was enough. I always gave myself treats with the money made along the way.

Remote was really my ticket out of hell though. You barely care about the social aspect. You don't have to appear in person as if you're a normally functioning member of society. It's all about the work itself. The added shit is tossed out and the money is still flowing in.

I hope refreshing rest finds you. I feel like you need that more than anything. I started smoking just a tiny bit of weed at night and I've been waking up more refreshed.

 

[whatevs]

Your sister's concern and care for you is nice.

The way I worked through this was to work my way up extremely slowly. I did jobs in the beginning that were easy. I never was an achiever searching for a challenge, just working on something easy was enough. I always gave myself treats with the money made along the way.

Remote was really my ticket out of hell though. You barely care about the social aspect. You don't have to appear in person as if you're a normally functioning member of society. It's all about the work itself. The added shit is tossed out and the money is still flowing in.

I hope refreshing rest finds you. I feel like you need that more than anything. I started smoking just a tiny bit of weed at night and I've been waking up more refreshed.

I've been talking with GentleSoul about trying weed, I'm gonna try to grow some in my garden this summer for sure.

I did buy some CBT weed and I need to try making a blunt and smoke it. CBT oil didn't work, sadly.

 

[Foresight]

I vape it because it's supposedly better for you. I vape flower though, the thc oils for vaping cause problems. CBD oil just made my blood pressure low which made me more tired. I like gummies though but they're not affordable. It seems like the method of delivery can make a big difference.

Your sister is never going to understand what you're going through but it's lovely she cares. You're going to figure it out for yourself and she'll see.

 

[onlyanimalsaregood]

As some members have said, it's good that your sister still cares. It's good to have that support. I unfortunately don't have it.

I think if you found a job that didn't demand too much of you it would be good in the sense that it would occupy your time and your mind. And on top of that it's always nice to receive an income.

Speaking from experience, when I was free 24/7 was when I was worst. I was completely in a black hole. I had too much time to be tortured by my mind. So being forced to have a routine and having something to occupy our time really helps immensely.

 

[whatevs]

As some members have said, it's good that your sister still cares. It's good to have that support. I unfortunately don't have it.

I think if you found a job that didn't demand too much of you it would be good in the sense that it would occupy your time and your mind. And on top of that it's always nice to receive an income.

Speaking from experience, when I was free 24/7 was when I was worst. I was completely in a black hole. I had too much time to be tortured by my mind. So being forced to have a routine and having something to occupy our time really helps immensely.

Oh I know and I agree. We need occupation, humans are made to be on the move even if they are ill. But you see, as a programmer you'll never have nothing on your hands, trust me. I'm still working on a mobile gamebook.

A less demanding job with a boss I don't hate and working from home would be ideal.

 

[onlyanimalsaregood]

Oh I know and I agree. We need occupation, humans are made to be on the move even if they are ill. But you see, as a programmer you'll never have nothing on your hands, trust me. I'm still working on a mobile gamebook.

A less demanding job with a boss I don't hate and working from home would be ideal.

Oh ok, I didn't know that you were a programmer. In that case sure, and you should find it easily because it's a job with a lot of supply.
I would also like to work from home at least some days, but at my work they won't let me XD Anyway I'm trying to change jobs.
I know sometimes patience is very short but try to update your CV and every day apply to one place or another. Then it becomes easy with time, I promise you :)

 

[whatevs]

I'm thinking that I probably come off as a whiny bitchy person. To an extent I think that's exactly what I am. I never mastered the stoic, resilient variant of the human experience.

But I mean, my sister is fucking bursting with energy, she actually has like 2 completely different successful professions achieved. I stopped doing most of the things I did as a hobby due to exhaustion.

 

[Sleepdrifter]

I'm good with CVs. If you need a hand give me a shout mate. Doing your CV is a challenge not many people like so you're not alone