Im gonna throw out a short excerpt of this long vent I had made a month ago.
Not sure if it would go under the "story" or "vent" tag so I ended up choosing "story".
"
It seems to me that for the past year and a half, I've been stuck in this relentless cycle of Highs and Lows every few passing weeks.
My highs aren't very "happy," though; I would barely consider them a "High," but they sure are better than the sorrow I feel sometimes.
By "High," I just mean apathy and "acceptance".
I'm always in a state of apathy.
I haven't felt truly content ever in my life, to be honest.
Or at least in my conscious life.
Im Anti-Social, I'm violent, I'm hateful, I'm spiteful, I'm sensitive, but I bottle it up.
No one, and I'm not complaining when I say this, ever really knows how I feel.
There are no indications in my facial expressions.
I feel so empty sometimes.
I can only ever fill that emptiness with the "presence" of some sort of person of the opposite sex.
And even then, while I can find it easy to approach and talk to girls, Online or in person, I can hardly ever make it last.
Just take, for example, my last relationship.
We were together from October through December.
I liked flirting; I loved talking; I liked the awkwardness that is the talking stage.
I eventually asked her out; we dated; we broke up.
Through that whole relationship, I cheated.
I never felt content with her.
I never went out with her.
I never danced with her like I asked to.
She was so shallow.
I could never see past her; there was nothing there to begin with.
And that's how a lot of girls are.
That's how I see them."
Pardon me if this seems so vague; if anyone would like, they could ask for more details.
I feel like some of the things I mentioned in the longer version were better off recounted to me alone.
Also, Hello SanctionedSuicide!
Not sure if it would go under the "story" or "vent" tag so I ended up choosing "story".
"
It seems to me that for the past year and a half, I've been stuck in this relentless cycle of Highs and Lows every few passing weeks.
My highs aren't very "happy," though; I would barely consider them a "High," but they sure are better than the sorrow I feel sometimes.
By "High," I just mean apathy and "acceptance".
I'm always in a state of apathy.
I haven't felt truly content ever in my life, to be honest.
Or at least in my conscious life.
Im Anti-Social, I'm violent, I'm hateful, I'm spiteful, I'm sensitive, but I bottle it up.
No one, and I'm not complaining when I say this, ever really knows how I feel.
There are no indications in my facial expressions.
I feel so empty sometimes.
I can only ever fill that emptiness with the "presence" of some sort of person of the opposite sex.
And even then, while I can find it easy to approach and talk to girls, Online or in person, I can hardly ever make it last.
Just take, for example, my last relationship.
We were together from October through December.
I liked flirting; I loved talking; I liked the awkwardness that is the talking stage.
I eventually asked her out; we dated; we broke up.
Through that whole relationship, I cheated.
I never felt content with her.
I never went out with her.
I never danced with her like I asked to.
She was so shallow.
I could never see past her; there was nothing there to begin with.
And that's how a lot of girls are.
That's how I see them."
Pardon me if this seems so vague; if anyone would like, they could ask for more details.
I feel like some of the things I mentioned in the longer version were better off recounted to me alone.
Also, Hello SanctionedSuicide!
