Psychiatrist and many psychologists told me I can do that (attend university) I always told them I gonna become manic. Some were kind of arrogant and told me that would not happen. It is just my depressed mood which says nothing will work. Many people told me you cannot forsee the future.
I told them when I go for normal office work I gonna become depressed and yes I became severly depressed.
Now they told me going to university was a good idea. I told them I gonna become manic. I knew both because I feel very fragile and these are just repetitions of past experiences. Not a fucking self-fulfilling prophecy as some idiots have pointed out.
Now in 3 weeks university starts and some other events happen in my life. My sleeping rhythm is a mess. It is very very weird. I wake every 1,5 h up and I am very early in the morning awake. That is always a sign for my mania. I only can sleep with sleeping medication.
This is all a big disappointment but my family pressures me to go on. Also my psychologist rather says to go on. This will ruin my mental health once again. I hope I can stop it in time. Maybe it is already too late. They don't believe me I am going to become ill again (at least my mom told me so today.)
Damn it hurts so much. But for the moment I only feel it partly because the slight hypomania makes me feel good. I am so scared what will happen next.
I told them when I go for normal office work I gonna become depressed and yes I became severly depressed.
Now they told me going to university was a good idea. I told them I gonna become manic. I knew both because I feel very fragile and these are just repetitions of past experiences. Not a fucking self-fulfilling prophecy as some idiots have pointed out.
Now in 3 weeks university starts and some other events happen in my life. My sleeping rhythm is a mess. It is very very weird. I wake every 1,5 h up and I am very early in the morning awake. That is always a sign for my mania. I only can sleep with sleeping medication.
This is all a big disappointment but my family pressures me to go on. Also my psychologist rather says to go on. This will ruin my mental health once again. I hope I can stop it in time. Maybe it is already too late. They don't believe me I am going to become ill again (at least my mom told me so today.)
Damn it hurts so much. But for the moment I only feel it partly because the slight hypomania makes me feel good. I am so scared what will happen next.
