Mellowmood
Member
- Oct 13, 2020
- 50
I decided to write my story before I try to ctb tonight, I'm not 100% about it being successful so that's why I've decided to not make a goodbye thread.
I was born in july 1996,
born with good loving parents with good intentions but very clumsy.
I was diagnosed with "high potential" as a kid because of how quickly I learned things, for example I learned how to read alone at an early age compared to the other kids my age.
This is when it started to go wrong, I was treated like a genius for everything I achieved without having to put the work into it. I never had to study in my life till college.
The problem with that was that I could never feel proud of myself because every achievements in my life felt not gratifying or deserved.
It made me feel like a fraud for my whole existence.
When I realised that we're all mortal that was the moment I made my first suicide attempt in front of my grandmother by trying to jump out of the window. I think I was 5 or 6 years old.
Why such reactions ? I already understood what was waiting for me, endless struggle, suffering, disappointment, loss, etc....
I already understood the game and didnt wanted to play it.
Frustrated and struggling to cope with this condition we have to live with till we rot I tried to explore other perspective on life.
With drugs, lot of drugs, It wasnt self medication, I was just trying to explore the mind and its relation with the outside world.
I started them at 18 and did them till my first psychotic breakdown 2 years later.
During my trip with drugs I got all the answers that I was seeking and it led me to this breakdown.
I couldnt unsee what I saw its the main reason I dont want to be a part of this game anymore.
I tried to get therapy, tried several treatments and accepted my faith that I will never be cured by anything else but death.
sorry for this boring story,
I wish you all a nice ride till your moment has come.
I was born in july 1996,
born with good loving parents with good intentions but very clumsy.
I was diagnosed with "high potential" as a kid because of how quickly I learned things, for example I learned how to read alone at an early age compared to the other kids my age.
This is when it started to go wrong, I was treated like a genius for everything I achieved without having to put the work into it. I never had to study in my life till college.
The problem with that was that I could never feel proud of myself because every achievements in my life felt not gratifying or deserved.
It made me feel like a fraud for my whole existence.
When I realised that we're all mortal that was the moment I made my first suicide attempt in front of my grandmother by trying to jump out of the window. I think I was 5 or 6 years old.
Why such reactions ? I already understood what was waiting for me, endless struggle, suffering, disappointment, loss, etc....
I already understood the game and didnt wanted to play it.
Frustrated and struggling to cope with this condition we have to live with till we rot I tried to explore other perspective on life.
With drugs, lot of drugs, It wasnt self medication, I was just trying to explore the mind and its relation with the outside world.
I started them at 18 and did them till my first psychotic breakdown 2 years later.
During my trip with drugs I got all the answers that I was seeking and it led me to this breakdown.
I couldnt unsee what I saw its the main reason I dont want to be a part of this game anymore.
I tried to get therapy, tried several treatments and accepted my faith that I will never be cured by anything else but death.
sorry for this boring story,
I wish you all a nice ride till your moment has come.
