My psychiatrists opinion of me

[Gordy99]

I meet with my psychiatrist for 15 minutes once a month. This has been going on for about 2 years. In the beginning I was paranoid, suspicious, anxious, uncomfortable, and not happy. The medication I was given is risperdal and klonopin. My official diagnosis is unspecified psychosis. I disagree with the diagnosis even though I know I have issues.

During the 15 minute conversations we talk about my job, family, and anything personal. I generally lie about how I am doing and make things out to be very good. I need the medication so I nod, smile, and play along. I always wonder if my psychiatrist knows this or not. Am I really that good at faking it? About 4 or 5 months ago she started telling me that I am a changed person and much more content with myself. I admit that I have learned to cope better with my situation and to let go of things. Every month now she brings up the fact that I am a changed person and I attribute it to the medication. The psychiatrist disagrees that the medication alone helped me and that something clicked for me and she can tell. Seriously? Nothing clicked. I wish it did. The medication is what helps me stay calm and keep my life together for now. It's not perfect, fun, or really interesting but it's my life and I am doing the best I can.

Has anyone else experienced this with a psychiatrist? Are we both BS'ing each other? Does she know that I am lying? She recently started forgetting to fill one of my scripts about 6 months ago and I had to call her office twice to get it fixed. Then she changed the amount of pills I get for one of the medications but it equals the normal dose. It just means I have to cut pills. I think she knows that I am cheating one of my medications and was testing me but I could be wrong. It doesn't bother me either way. I take the dose I need and it works out.

 

[noaccount]

I'm sorry you have to navigate weird dynamics like that Gordy, everyone deserves to get to make their own choices about meds and personal belief systems without having to deal with gatekeeping and judgement by professionals.

 

[t-rex]

You say that the medication is helping you be well, but you also said you have to lie about being well. I am confused. Are you doing pretty well, or not?

Why lie to your psychiatrist? (I am assuming you trust her.) If you are not doing as well as you could be, wouldn't you want to be truthful about that so she can help adjust your medications?

 

[Gordy99]

You say that the medication is helping you be well, but you also said you have to lie about being well. I am confused. Are you doing pretty well, or not?

Why lie to your psychiatrist? (I am assuming you trust her.) If you are not doing as well as you could be, wouldn't you want to be truthful about that so she can help adjust your medications?

Sorry for the confusion. I feel well enough to live my life but I'm not exactly enjoying myself or having fun. I think about catching the bus on a regular basis. I don't trust my psychiatrist. The whole reason I'm on medication is because of these beliefs that I have (you can read about it in a thread called Weird Situation). I need to stay calm. The psychiatrist doesn't believe what I told her two years ago and she won't believe it today. What is the point in telling her that I still have those beliefs? So she can increase the dose and tell me I'm not doing ok?

I'm not going to be a guinea pig with medications even though that might be what is necessary. The medications I'm on are helping me stay calm which is what I need. Just because I'm calm doesn't mean my problems have been solved.

 

[Feeding Pigeons]

During the 15 minute conversations we talk about my job, family, and anything personal. I generally lie about how I am doing and make things out to be very good. I need the medication so I nod, smile, and play along. I always wonder if my psychiatrist knows this or not. Am I really that good at faking it?

Has anyone else experienced this with a psychiatrist? Are we both BS'ing each other? Does she know that I am lying?

Shes not going to dig into you and sincerely ask "Are you sure you're doing alright?" and look in your eyes and try to tell whether or not you're telling the truth. Thats generally not the position of the psychiatrist. Thats the therapist's role.

If you don't give a psychiatrist a reason to do more they're not going to. In my experience lying, telling the truth, it doesn't change anything.

 

[t-rex]

Sorry for the confusion. I feel well enough to live my life but I'm not exactly enjoying myself or having fun. I think about catching the bus on a regular basis. I don't trust my psychiatrist. The whole reason I'm on medication is because of these beliefs that I have (you can read about it in a thread called Weird Situation). I need to stay calm. The psychiatrist doesn't believe what I told her two years ago and she won't believe it today. What is the point in telling her that I still have those beliefs? So she can increase the dose and tell me I'm not doing ok?

I'm not going to be a guinea pig with medications even though that might be what is necessary. The medications I'm on are helping me stay calm which is what I need. Just because I'm calm doesn't mean my problems have been solved.

No worries Gordy. I'm glad your medications are able to keep you calm, but I'm sorry you're still having suicidal thoughts all the time. What do you believe is the cause of your suicidal thoughts lately? Is it still feelings of being persecuted about the naked pictures?

I read a little bit of your other thread and I agree with some of the others that it does sound like schizophrenia. I am not a doctor, however. It is tough to know what to do when you don't trust your psychiatrist, other than to look for a new one, if possible.

I understand not wanting to feel like a guinea pig, but what bad thing do you think will happen if your doctor increases the risperdal? Have you ever been on a higher dose than you are on now? Do you believe the risperdal helps you in any way? (I assume it is the klonopin that helps you stay calm. So what is the risperdal doing for you?)

 

[Gordy99]

No worries Gordy. I'm glad your medications are able to keep you calm, but I'm sorry you're still having suicidal thoughts all the time. What do you believe is the cause of your suicidal thoughts lately? Is it still feelings of being persecuted about the naked pictures?

I read a little bit of your other thread and I agree with some of the others that it does sound like schizophrenia. I am not a doctor, however. It is tough to know what to do when you don't trust your psychiatrist, other than to look for a new one, if possible.

I understand not wanting to feel like a guinea pig, but what bad thing do you think will happen if your doctor increases the risperdal? Have you ever been on a higher dose than you are on now? Do you believe the risperdal helps you in any way? (I assume it is the klonopin that helps you stay calm. So what is the risperdal doing for you?)

My suicidal thoughts are mostly based off the fact that I don't have much of a life. I have no friends and very much alone. I prefer to be alone but I just feel like I'm missing out on life. I know this sounds contradicting but it's how I feel. I have been so caught up with the harassment, persecution, and naked pictures that I don't exactly have any fun. The last two or three years of the naked pictures has increased my suicidal thoughts. Even when I'm by myself on the weekends and after work I just sit on the computer, listen to music, or watch TV. I don't really have any hobbies.

I respectfully disagree about the schizophrenia. I personally believe I am bipolar. I have always been a moody person most of my life. I'm not looking to switch doctors because the current one gives me the medication I need. I see no reason to switch for right now.

I started out on a higher dose of risperdal two years ago. I was always tired and slept all the time. Going to work and actually working was very difficult. The psychiatrist agreed to slightly lower the dose. I was on the lower dose for a few months and I tapered down but was still tired. I decided to lower the dose myself even more and tapered down over several months. The tiredness mostly went away and I was feeling ok. I then decided to lower the dose even more and tapered down without any issues. 8 months went by and all of a sudden I started getting bothered by people laughing towards me. I increased the dose and adjusted to it. Then several months later I was getting annoyed again and increased the dose again. Several months went by and I was extremely tired again. I lowered the dose for the last time several months ago and the tiredness went away and I feel ok. To answer your next question...the risperdal stabilizes my mood. I can interact with people without feeling agitated and can function throughout the day. The klonopin keeps me calm and together the two drugs are the perfect cocktail for me.

I don't expect anyone to believe me about the persecution and that is fine. I posted that thread out of curiosity. Everyone is entitled to their opinions. If you didn't read the entire thread then you may have missed the part where I mention gangstalking. You can disagree that it exists but I encourage you to do some research on it. My situation doesn't perfectly fit gangstalking but it's pretty close. I have experienced most of it in some form over the last 17 years.

 

[Julgran]

If you want to put your psychiatrist off the trail, you could probably say that your mood shifts up and down like a roller coaster, which means that you might be happy in certain instances, and sad in others, and that your psychiatrist might just happen to see the upside of your mood swings.

I don't know if this will work, but others might want to weigh in here.

 

[noaccount]

It sounds like you've pretty well figured out how to adjust risperdal for yourself, and experiment and see what makes you too-fatigued vs too-agitated-by-things. What a balancing act! We should all be recognized as the experts for ourselves on these matters but sadly it's hard to find doctors who acknowledge that.

I'm sorry also that the impacts of sexual harassment, or general social discrimination (for 'reading' as disabled, 'queer,' or just different in any way) aren't taken more seriously in our culture. Recently on social media I heard a man talking about security guards following him around stores (he is black and that is a very common form of racial profiling) and how white people (fellow 'patients'!) in his group-therapy group called him "paranoid / psychotic" for talking about that there. It seems like such willful ignorance people have sometimes. </3

 

[Gordy99]

It sounds like you've pretty well figured out how to adjust risperdal for yourself, and experiment and see what makes you too-fatigued vs too-agitated-by-things. What a balancing act! We should all be recognized as the experts for ourselves on these matters but sadly it's hard to find doctors who acknowledge that.

I'm sorry also that the impacts of sexual harassment, or general social discrimination (for 'reading' as disabled, 'queer,' or just different in any way) aren't taken more seriously in our culture. Recently on social media I heard a man talking about security guards following him around stores (he is black and that is a very common form of racial profiling) and how white people (fellow 'patients'!) in his group-therapy group called him "paranoid / psychotic" for talking about that there. It seems like such willful ignorance people have sometimes. </3

The risperdal is definitely a balancing act and what I'm doing is probably not recommended by a psychiatrist. You have to taper/adjust carefully. The psychiatrist would probably call me crazy for constantly changing the dose. Sometimes you have to experiment. The side effects have also factored into my adjusting of the drug. Without going into the details I have accepted dealing with certain things because of the drug. The pros outweigh the cons so I deal with it. It's an unfortunate choice to have to make.

Yea the harassment stinks and probably will never end but it's something I cope with on a daily basis. I have a lot of theories about my situation and could go on all day about it. I'm not going to bother posting all of them. I have pages of things that people said about me and license plates of stalkers. I stopped documenting about a year ago. I found myself spending too much time documenting and looking out the window for the next stalker. It's like nobody is going to believe me so what is the point.

 

[noaccount]

It is definitely not crazy to adjust your dose to whatever makes you feel best.

 

[MaskedMan12345]

It sounds like you've pretty well figured out how to adjust risperdal for yourself, and experiment and see what makes you too-fatigued vs too-agitated-by-things. What a balancing act! We should all be recognized as the experts for ourselves on these matters but sadly it's hard to find doctors who acknowledge that.

I'm sorry also that the impacts of sexual harassment, or general social discrimination (for 'reading' as disabled, 'queer,' or just different in any way) aren't taken more seriously in our culture. Recently on social media I heard a man talking about security guards following him around stores (he is black and that is a very common form of racial profiling) and how white people (fellow 'patients'!) in his group-therapy group called him "paranoid / psychotic" for talking about that there. It seems like such willful ignorance people have sometimes. </3

Agreed. I don't think you're being hyperbolic. There's a lot of nefarious shit that goes on for sure. I call it vigilance, not necessarily paranoia. Just heightened awareness of threats. I've survivied drive-by shooting, plus three or four additional attempted murders and two kidnappings (internationally). I was a 9/11 Truther before it became a thing. The undercovers and physical "Men in Black" harassment went on for YEARS. No b.s. Sounds nuts, but I was emailing with one of the main figures of that movement. Michael Ruppert, and was followed by unmarked, black, shiny SUVs, the whole number. The revelations of Snowden only confirmed what many of in the 9/11 Truth movement went through--serious harassment throughout all the Bush, and even Obama years (remember, Obama was the Prez who went after Manning, Snowden, Assange Aaron Schwartz, and many other whistleblowers)..There is serious shit that happens. I've known non-governmental gang people and wouldn't trust them as fr as a snail drools. Steer clear of that culture as much as possible. There's loyalty to none. Planet of the Apes looks like Parliament compared to them.

Sorry. I severely digressed. All I can say is a friend once told her therapist about her suicidal ideation and the therapist called the police and had her taken away in handcuffs. So much for compassion. Nobody wants the liability.

 

[hans0solo]

the issue with medication is that the psych doc are making it up as they go along with the dosage. if you adjust the affect to how it makes you feel, that is fine by me. if you had a psych doc you trusted enough, they would help you with that. But that is a rare person. If you find a med combo that works for you, that is all you can ask for. Psych drugs don't remove your existing thoughts from the past. They make your brain hopefully stop thinking about some of it. If you have issues with your current life, they requires dealing with them by doing something different. I have spent most of my life alone and rejected by society. I eventually learned to just try to enjoy doing things alone. and try to limit the FOMO. I hope to get a cat at some point. They provide one source of unconditional love and acceptance. most mental health people will never know you well enough to know if you are lying. humans rarely give obvious signs. you can lie your way out of a hospital inpatient unit unless you are talking to voices or acting in ways that make it obvious you are agitated. Some people who 'hear voices' will move their mouth when they talk to a voice. That is one sign. But I know I can have a suicidal though and still smile and go on with my day. At some point, it will pass. No one will know.

 

[Sherri]

I've been seeing mine for 2 years, he hasn't told me what's wrong with me, nothing, I've been wondering it all by myself, but because of your thread I'm actually going to ask him next time I see him. I think he's hiding it not to hurt me.

 

[StarryStarry]

I meet with my psychiatrist for 15 minutes once a month. This has been going on for about 2 years. In the beginning I was paranoid, suspicious, anxious, uncomfortable, and not happy. The medication I was given is risperdal and klonopin. My official diagnosis is unspecified psychosis. I disagree with the diagnosis even though I know I have issues.

During the 15 minute conversations we talk about my job, family, and anything personal. I generally lie about how I am doing and make things out to be very good. I need the medication so I nod, smile, and play along. I always wonder if my psychiatrist knows this or not. Am I really that good at faking it? About 4 or 5 months ago she started telling me that I am a changed person and much more content with myself. I admit that I have learned to cope better with my situation and to let go of things. Every month now she brings up the fact that I am a changed person and I attribute it to the medication. The psychiatrist disagrees that the medication alone helped me and that something clicked for me and she can tell. Seriously? Nothing clicked. I wish it did. The medication is what helps me stay calm and keep my life together for now. It's not perfect, fun, or really interesting but it's my life and I am doing the best I can.

Has anyone else experienced this with a psychiatrist? Are we both BS'ing each other? Does she know that I am lying? She recently started forgetting to fill one of my scripts about 6 months ago and I had to call her office twice to get it fixed. Then she changed the amount of pills I get for one of the medications but it equals the normal dose. It just means I have to cut pills. I think she knows that I am cheating one of my medications and was testing me but I could be wrong. It doesn't bother me either way. I take the dose I need and it works out.

Can anything really be accomplished in 15 minutes a month? I'm sorry you are having difficulties with this psych. Maybe find a new one?

 

[InezSerrano]

I think lying is really silly, they are there to help, but if you are paranoid, I understand it.

 

[Gordy99]

Agreed. I don't think you're being hyperbolic. There's a lot of nefarious shit that goes on for sure. I call it vigilance, not necessarily paranoia. Just heightened awareness of threats. I've survivied drive-by shooting, plus three or four additional attempted murders and two kidnappings (internationally). I was a 9/11 Truther before it became a thing. The undercovers and physical "Men in Black" harassment went on for YEARS. No b.s. Sounds nuts, but I was emailing with one of the main figures of that movement. Michael Ruppert, and was followed by unmarked, black, shiny SUVs, the whole number. The revelations of Snowden only confirmed what many of in the 9/11 Truth movement went through--serious harassment throughout all the Bush, and even Obama years (remember, Obama was the Prez who went after Manning, Snowden, Assange Aaron Schwartz, and many other whistleblowers)..There is serious shit that happens. I've known non-governmental gang people and wouldn't trust them as fr as a snail drools. Steer clear of that culture as much as possible. There's loyalty to none. Planet of the Apes looks like Parliament compared to them.

Sorry. I severely digressed. All I can say is a friend once told her therapist about her suicidal ideation and the therapist called the police and had her taken away in handcuffs. So much for compassion. Nobody wants the liability.

The interesting part about my situation is I don't really have any political affiliations and I'm not a part of conspiracy theory groups. I believe in some conspiracy theories but I don't discuss it with anyone. I pose no threat to anyone. I was picked by this group of people when I was 16 or 17. That is as far back as it goes from what I can tell. I have been suicidal since I was 13 because I have issues. This occurred prior to the gangstalking/organized harassment. When you have suicidal thoughts and mental issues...gangstalking/organized harassment just makes the situation worse. I don't even know why I was suicidal at the age of 13. The thoughts were just there.

I don't mean to derail this thread but there is definitely a connection between gangstalking and the police. It makes no sense how these seemingly random people get away with breaking into my home and car whenever they want. Eventually people get caught doing this type of stuff unless you have the necessary tools and are well connected. I lived in a particular apartment for about 5 years and installed what is now known as a Google Nest Camera. The camera sat on my kitchen table and faced the doorway so it would capture anyone entering. The camera would go offline for about 15 to 30 minutes on a somewhat regular basis. I would note the timestamps and called my internet service provider and they would always tell me my internet modem was online during those times and that it must be my router/wifi that had the issue. It finally dawned on me that these people were using wifi jammers. From what I know (and maybe I'm wrong) it's not easy to purchase this type of equipment and I think it's illegal to use in the US unless you are the police. You almost have to experience my situation for a long time to truly believe it otherwise you are left thinking it's schizophrenia.

Anyway, back to the psychiatrist. I didn't mean to confuse anyone by suggesting that maybe I need to switch doctors. I would only switch doctors if the medication prescribed was not working. The medication does work and I simply needed to adjust the dose. It doesn't solve all of my problems but it certainly helps. I was just curious to see if anyone else was in a similar situation. I lie to my psychiatrist because the alternative is an increased dose that will just make me tired and won't solve anything. I'm also not going to tell her I'm suicidal because they will take me to the hospital.

 

[Crazy4u]

Shes not going to dig into you and sincerely ask "Are you sure you're doing alright?" and look in your eyes and try to tell whether or not you're telling the truth. Thats generally not the position of the psychiatrist. Thats the therapist's role.

If you don't give a psychiatrist a reason to do more they're not going to. In my experience lying, telling the truth, it doesn't change anything.

but shouldn't a therapist read body language? I understand therapists are not detectives, but still. If not, anyone can lie to therapists about anything

 

[Feeding Pigeons]

but shouldn't a therapist read body language? I understand therapists are not detectives, but still. If not, anyone can lie to therapists about anything

Absolutely. But a psychiatrist won't. Some psychiatrists take that job over therapist specifically because it pays more and requires less work.

My therapists though, were able to read me like a book. In my experience, therapists are very clever people. They can read you and tell when you're lying or guarding yourself, sometimes they'll push the matter, sometimes they won't.

I think a big reason why covid caused more people to suicide (besides being locked indoors etc) is that telehealth is awful for therapy. I can attest to the fact that being in person with your therapist is entirely different from talking over the phone, patients need that human connection of being face-to-face with their therapist, it made me feel like I wasn't facing my problems alone. Therapists need that same thing in order to function at their best, just like a poker player would be garbage if they weren't able to see their opponents ticks and tells.

EDIT: Let me say though that I'm a person whos both secretive and wears my heart on my sleeve, so its very hard for me to lie and cover my tells. Somebody whos more naturally cool blooded would have a lot easier of a time lying to a therapist than I would.

 

[MaskedMan12345]

The interesting part about my situation is I don't really have any political affiliations and I'm not a part of conspiracy theory groups. I believe in some conspiracy theories but I don't discuss it with anyone. I pose no threat to anyone. I was picked by this group of people when I was 16 or 17. That is as far back as it goes from what I can tell. I have been suicidal since I was 13 because I have issues. This occurred prior to the gangstalking/organized harassment. When you have suicidal thoughts and mental issues...gangstalking/organized harassment just makes the situation worse. I don't even know why I was suicidal at the age of 13. The thoughts were just there.

I don't mean to derail this thread but there is definitely a connection between gangstalking and the police. It makes no sense how these seemingly random people get away with breaking into my home and car whenever they want. Eventually people get caught doing this type of stuff unless you have the necessary tools and are well connected. I lived in a particular apartment for about 5 years and installed what is now known as a Google Nest Camera. The camera sat on my kitchen table and faced the doorway so it would capture anyone entering. The camera would go offline for about 15 to 30 minutes on a somewhat regular basis. I would note the timestamps and called my internet service provider and they would always tell me my internet modem was online during those times and that it must be my router/wifi that had the issue. It finally dawned on me that these people were using wifi jammers. From what I know (and maybe I'm wrong) it's not easy to purchase this type of equipment and I think it's illegal to use in the US unless you are the police. You almost have to experience my situation for a long time to truly believe it otherwise you are left thinking it's schizophrenia.

Anyway, back to the psychiatrist. I didn't mean to confuse anyone by suggesting that maybe I need to switch doctors. I would only switch doctors if the medication prescribed was not working. The medication does work and I simply needed to adjust the dose. It doesn't solve all of my problems but it certainly helps. I was just curious to see if anyone else was in a similar situation. I lie to my psychiatrist because the alternative is an increased dose that will just make me tired and won't solve anything. I'm also not going to tell her I'm suicidal because they will take me to the hospital.

Wow. You sure do your research. I was told I was being paranoid even when my car was getting eggs thrown at it so much that I should have put a griddle on the roof, agents provocateurs would confront me at my workplace and sit on the barstools (I was a barkeep for years) and drill me with questions--even Secret Service, if not huge mystery thugs). Drove me out of the industry and nearly out of my fucking mind.

I ditched the Google Nest in my place; first, b/c it's Google, which is automatically a no, as they, At&t, Verizon were the biggest traitors if people's freedom and privacy--and were richly awarded for it. Not to mention Facebook (never did that or any social media thankfully). Perhaps there's a bit of schizophrenia humming as a genetic background noise, however, speaking from a person who had similar (in a way) shit go down for so long, I certainly don't dismiss the entirety or even the majority of your reality.

All my shit started at an anti-war, anti-Bush protest outside a Federal Bldg (in the States). I was dressed very conservatively and held up a sign that read "Dismantle the NSA and CIA (No secret gov't. in U.S.)" This was 2001 or 2002. Everyone else had signs against invading Iraq, Bush, whatever, But having read Col.L. Fletcher Prouty, Ralph McGeeHee, Ray McGovern, Mike Ruppert, etc., I felt it necessary to get to the crux of the issues. Well, some people took my picture holding the sign, and the years of serious non-stop harassment and "terror-lite" started. There are innumerable intelligence and NGO private security and intelligence-gathering entities. It's a huge business. We all thought Obama was the Savior. Instead, he gave Bush a pass and continued and heightened his abominable actions. Hence, the popularity of the moron psycho Trump. We're toast.

Get security cameras. carry a digital voice recorder. Posting a few resources I hope will be of help to you.

 

[t-rex]

I would only switch doctors if the medication prescribed was not working. The medication does work and I simply needed to adjust the dose.

If the medication wasn't working, wouldn't you just talk to your current doctor about trying a new medication? It seems to me that medication not working is not a reason to find a new doctor.

I lie to my psychiatrist because the alternative is an increased dose that will just make me tired and won't solve anything.

Maybe there is another antipsychotic you could try that will not make you sleepy? They don't all do that equally, I have been on a few myself. For example, Seroquel made me sleepy, but Invega did not. Have you asked your psychiatrist about that? Does she know about the sleepiness problems, or do you keep that to yourself?

It seems like you do indeed have a dysfunctional relationship with your psychiatrist. She cannot help you very well if you lie to her about how you're doing and don't tell her when you're changing your dosage on your own. Has she done something in the past that makes you distrust her? Even if she does not believe your stories of harassment, it is not in her interest to turn you into a sleepy zombie. If I were you, I would ask her for help in finding an antipsychotic that will not make you sleepy.

 

[Gordy99]

Wow. You sure do your research. I was told I was being paranoid even when my car was getting eggs thrown at it so much that I should have put a griddle on the roof, agents provocateurs would confront me at my workplace and sit on the barstools (I was a barkeep for years) and drill me with questions--even Secret Service, if not huge mystery thugs). Drove me out of the industry and nearly out of my fucking mind.

I ditched the Google Nest in my place; first, b/c it's Google, which is automatically a no, as they, At&t, Verizon were the biggest traitors if people's freedom and privacy--and were richly awarded for it. Not to mention Facebook (never did that or any social media thankfully). Perhaps there's a bit of schizophrenia humming as a genetic background noise, however, speaking from a person who had similar (in a way) shit go down for so long, I certainly don't dismiss the entirety or even the majority of your reality.

All my shit started at an anti-war, anti-Bush protest outside a Federal Bldg (in the States). I was dressed very conservatively and held up a sign that read "Dismantle the NSA and CIA (No secret gov't. in U.S.)" This was 2001 or 2002. Everyone else had signs against invading Iraq, Bush, whatever, But having read Col.L. Fletcher Prouty, Ralph McGeeHee, Ray McGovern, Mike Ruppert, etc., I felt it necessary to get to the crux of the issues. Well, some people took my picture holding the sign, and the years of serious non-stop harassment and "terror-lite" started. There are innumerable intelligence and NGO private security and intelligence-gathering entities. It's a huge business. We all thought Obama was the Savior. Instead, he gave Bush a pass and continued and heightened his abominable actions. Hence, the popularity of the moron psycho Trump. We're toast.

Get security cameras. carry a digital voice recorder. Posting a few resources I hope will be of help to you.

Thanks for the information. Getting eggs thrown at your car is obvious. Not sure why people didn't believe you. These people used to smear dried white paint all over my car and sometimes on the seats inside my car. Sometimes it was obvious and other times it was subtle. It was easily washable so I never got upset. It was just so dumb that these people bothered to do this.

There is definitely mental illness going on in the background which makes it harder sometimes to distinguish between bad luck and the harassment. I'm not a fan of Google either but the Nest camera was a simple option to go with so I used it. I appreciate the fact that you aren't dismissing everything I am saying. There is definitely truth to it.

If the medication wasn't working, wouldn't you just talk to your current doctor about trying a new medication? It seems to me that medication not working is not a reason to find a new doctor.


Maybe there is another antipsychotic you could try that will not make you sleepy? They don't all do that equally, I have been on a few myself. For example, Seroquel made me sleepy, but Invega did not. Have you asked your psychiatrist about that? Does she know about the sleepiness problems, or do you keep that to yourself?

It seems like you do indeed have a dysfunctional relationship with your psychiatrist. She cannot help you very well if you lie to her about how you're doing and don't tell her when you're changing your dosage on your own. Has she done something in the past that makes you distrust her? Even if she does not believe your stories of harassment, it is not in her interest to turn you into a sleepy zombie. If I were you, I would ask her for help in finding an antipsychotic that will not make you sleepy.

That is a good point. I could just talk to her but I'm just assuming she would deny my request to change the medication. 2 years ago I asked her if I should switch to ativan because it's supposedly less addictive compared to klonopin. She said no. What are my options there? I could find a new doctor but I decided to stick with her.

Again, you make a good point. I could have asked to find a different anti-psychotic and I chose not to. I mostly lie because I don't want her to somehow get me sent to the hospital. I don't need that right now. The thoughts of catching the bus are sometimes non-stop for a month and then they go away for a period of time.